What is the ruling on a young man who loves a woman and wants to marry her, but his father wants to marry him to another woman? Does this young man have the right to disobey his father and marry the one he loves?
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The questioner : Okay, I want to ask you the second question.
The Shaykh: Yes.
The questioner : It is as if the father ruled that his son must marry a girl he does not want.
The Shaykh: Yes.
The questioner : And, to please his father, he proposed to the one he wanted, but then he was unable to live with her, so he annulled the engagement. Does the son have the right, for example, to take the girl he loves, or should he please his father and take any woman, even if he does not like this girl?
The Shaykh : This issue requires precision. We need to know why he broke off the engagement with the one his father wanted. And secondly, regarding the one he loves, we need to know why? Is it for the sake of religion, or for personal desire?
The questioner : For religion. She prays a lot, fasts, and worships Allah.
The Shaykh : Which one is the first and which is the second?
The questioner : No, the second one is the one I love. As for the first one, I proposed to her just to please my father, but I was unable to live with her. I stayed with her for about seven months and then left her. I want to know if he has the right to disobey his father in this case, even though Allah has mentioned that obedience to parents is required.
The Shaykh : You said earlier that he proposed to the first one.
The questioner : Yes, and they wrote the marriage contract, and then he annulled it. He divorced her, meaning it was a divorce.
The Shaykh : Yes, that is what I said. May Allah guide you. You stopped in your question by saying he proposed to her.
The questioner : No, I mean it is considered a marriage.
The Shaykh : Considered a marriage? How do I know that if you tell me he proposed to so-and-so, it means he married her? No. The important thing is: did he contract the marriage with her, live with her for months, and then divorce her?
The questioner : Yes.
The Shaykh : Okay, what was his father's position...
The questioner : Nothing. Until now, he is insistent that he wants to propose to him another woman he wants. He is living in the days of old, thinking that the young man must take the girl his father chooses, not the one he chooses, no matter who that girl is.
The Shaykh : No, that is a mistake. Why? Is it the father who will live with the girl, or the suitor?
The questioner : I want to know the religious perspective on whether this person has the right to disobey his father. Even though they brought us a story from the time of the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) about a man who was married to a woman, but she did not give him his rights. He did not go to the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) and tell him, so he told him to divorce her. Then he told him, "I love her," and he told him to keep her, meaning to stay with her.
The Shaykh : Yes, you have mixed up one hadith with two.
The questioner : Yes.
The Shaykh : So listen to them, and then we will tell you the result.
The questioner : Yes.
The Shaykh : One of the hadiths is: 'Umar ibn al-Khattab ordered his son Abdullah to divorce his wife, so he went to the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) and mentioned to him that his father had ordered him to divorce his wife; so he said to him: This is the first hadith. The other hadith is: A man came to the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) and said: O Messenger of Allah, my wife does not return the hand of one who touches her. Do you understand what "does not return the hand of one who touches her" means?
The questioner : Yes, yes.
The Shaykh: All right.
He said:. He said: O Messenger of Allah, I love her. He said: , so this is the second hadith, which has no relation to your question. The one that has a relation to your question is the hadith of Ibn 'Umar.
The questioner : Yes.
The Shaykh : So we say now: If the son has married a righteous woman, and his father orders him today to divorce her, he should not obey him; because fathers today are not like 'Umar ibn al-Khattab, who was, as he (peace be upon him) said:. Our fathers today, instead of being a help to their sons in obedience, become a help to them in disobedience. So, do you hear me?
The questioner : Yes, yes.
The Shaykh : Okay; therefore, if the son has married a righteous wife.
The questioner : Yes.
The Shaykh : And his father is not satisfied for a reason that is not religious, then the father has no right to be angry with his son.
The questioner : Yes.
The Shaykh : But if there is a religious reason, then the son must obey his father.
The questioner : Yes.
The Shaykh : This is the answer to your question.
The questioner : Thank you very much.
The Shaykh : Welcome.
The questioner : Peace be upon you.
The Shaykh: And upon you peace.
The Shaykh: Yes.
The questioner : It is as if the father ruled that his son must marry a girl he does not want.
The Shaykh: Yes.
The questioner : And, to please his father, he proposed to the one he wanted, but then he was unable to live with her, so he annulled the engagement. Does the son have the right, for example, to take the girl he loves, or should he please his father and take any woman, even if he does not like this girl?
The Shaykh : This issue requires precision. We need to know why he broke off the engagement with the one his father wanted. And secondly, regarding the one he loves, we need to know why? Is it for the sake of religion, or for personal desire?
The questioner : For religion. She prays a lot, fasts, and worships Allah.
The Shaykh : Which one is the first and which is the second?
The questioner : No, the second one is the one I love. As for the first one, I proposed to her just to please my father, but I was unable to live with her. I stayed with her for about seven months and then left her. I want to know if he has the right to disobey his father in this case, even though Allah has mentioned that obedience to parents is required.
The Shaykh : You said earlier that he proposed to the first one.
The questioner : Yes, and they wrote the marriage contract, and then he annulled it. He divorced her, meaning it was a divorce.
The Shaykh : Yes, that is what I said. May Allah guide you. You stopped in your question by saying he proposed to her.
The questioner : No, I mean it is considered a marriage.
The Shaykh : Considered a marriage? How do I know that if you tell me he proposed to so-and-so, it means he married her? No. The important thing is: did he contract the marriage with her, live with her for months, and then divorce her?
The questioner : Yes.
The Shaykh : Okay, what was his father's position...
The questioner : Nothing. Until now, he is insistent that he wants to propose to him another woman he wants. He is living in the days of old, thinking that the young man must take the girl his father chooses, not the one he chooses, no matter who that girl is.
The Shaykh : No, that is a mistake. Why? Is it the father who will live with the girl, or the suitor?
The questioner : I want to know the religious perspective on whether this person has the right to disobey his father. Even though they brought us a story from the time of the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) about a man who was married to a woman, but she did not give him his rights. He did not go to the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) and tell him, so he told him to divorce her. Then he told him, "I love her," and he told him to keep her, meaning to stay with her.
The Shaykh : Yes, you have mixed up one hadith with two.
The questioner : Yes.
The Shaykh : So listen to them, and then we will tell you the result.
The questioner : Yes.
The Shaykh : One of the hadiths is: 'Umar ibn al-Khattab ordered his son Abdullah to divorce his wife, so he went to the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) and mentioned to him that his father had ordered him to divorce his wife; so he said to him:
Obey your father
أطِعْ أباكThe questioner : Yes, yes.
The Shaykh: All right.
He said:
Divorce her
طلِّقْهاThen keep her
فأمسِكْها إذًاThe questioner : Yes.
The Shaykh : So we say now: If the son has married a righteous woman, and his father orders him today to divorce her, he should not obey him; because fathers today are not like 'Umar ibn al-Khattab, who was, as he (peace be upon him) said:
O son of al-Khattab, you did not take a path except that Satan took a path other than your path
يا ابن الخطاب ، ما سلكت فجًّا إلا سَلَكَ الشيطان فجًّا غيرَ فجِّكThe questioner : Yes, yes.
The Shaykh : Okay; therefore, if the son has married a righteous wife.
The questioner : Yes.
The Shaykh : And his father is not satisfied for a reason that is not religious, then the father has no right to be angry with his son.
The questioner : Yes.
The Shaykh : But if there is a religious reason, then the son must obey his father.
The questioner : Yes.
The Shaykh : This is the answer to your question.
The questioner : Thank you very much.
The Shaykh : Welcome.
The questioner : Peace be upon you.
The Shaykh: And upon you peace.
Source
www.al-albany.com
The Arabic text is copied verbatim from the original source, without any edits.