Is it obligatory to be just and equal among children in gifts and presents?

The Shaykh : It depends on which of two situations you are starting from. If you are starting from the angle of honoring and gifting, then equality among them is obligatory, because failing to be equal will stir up resentment in the hearts of the others to whom you did not give. However, if you give to some of them and not others because some have a need that the others do not, that is natural and necessary. For example, you say that you married off the six daughters; when you married off the first one, you paid so many thousand pounds at that time, and you gave the rest nothing, right? Because that one needed to be married, so you married her off. When the second one’s turn came, you married her, then the third, and so on. But when you want to honor them and give them gifts, you must be equal among them, just like in the first case: the one you married off and the one you did not. Also, the situation can be described after you have married them all. For example, suppose the eldest has two sons and the youngest has five. The eldest’s personal income, which he earns through the sweat of his brow, is more than the income of the father of the five. So you give to this one and not to that one, because he is in need, he has five children, and his income is less than the income of the father of the two. That is the difference. I think the difference is now clear to you between one issue and the other.

The questioner : ... meaning the one who needs help is being helped more than the one who does not need it, and they are all satisfied, praise be to Allah.

The Shaykh : Praise be to Allah.

The questioner : Our brother Abu Ahmad was here two days before we left. He was sharing... and the second... I am giving up my share to you... and you give up your share to your brother... and the girls as well, we give to all of them... but I do not apply the rule that the male’s share is equal to the two females’ shares. It may be applied that the two females’ share is equal to one male’s gift. Why? Because this one is being married off and dowries are expensive. If I do not help him, he will remain... weak. So I make up for it by putting more for the boy from my own pocket for the dowry, and I keep him in my house to eat and drink for a year, two years, or more, until his muscles strengthen, and I take nothing from him. This is as a credit for him. As for the girls, I honor them in return for this thing that requires their assistance. She wants something, but I do not give her the same as the brother to whom I gave fifty thousand. I give her twenty-five thousand...

The Shaykh : With a later detail, a previous detail regarding the presentation of gifts to children versus meeting the need of each child. You know this difference.

The questioner: Yes.

The Shaykh : Now we come to the issue of honoring and gifting. Here, a gift differs from inheritance. As you know, inheritance is based on the saying of Allah, Mighty and Majestic: . There is no preference between male and female in a gift; rather, equality is obligatory. So we return to the same previous detail: if you gave your daughters a gift, meaning a present, and they are married, and the males are married, then equality is obligatory. I mean, I emphasize that it is not permissible to mix up giving a gift to the children with meeting the need that each child has. Did you understand?

The questioner: Yes.

The Shaykh : So now you have brought up a new example and expressed this example by saying, "I honor the girls." Well, do you mean by "honoring the girls" a gift or a need? If you mean a gift, it is not permissible to single them out to the exclusion of the males, just as it is not permissible to single out the males to the exclusion of the females. And if you mean that they are in need, for example, the husband of one of your daughters is poor, barely able to provide for them the necessities, then you honor them, or you honor this daughter who is married to a poor husband, by covering the deficiency in the husband. This is within the limits of need. In this case, you are not required to be equal, because this is not a gift. But if you mean, as the word "honor" appears to indicate, a present, then whenever you give something to an elder or a younger, or a male or a female, in the way of a present or a gift, they must all be treated equally, as the Turks there say... "Hepsi برابر" (all equal). You must treat your children this way so that you gain their blessing through equality, and so that there is no discomfort in their hearts or minds about why our father is honoring the girls and not the males, or why he is honoring the younger and not the elder. If you are, as they say, the one who knows the house best, and the people of Mecca know its valleys best, then you know if there is such a feeling between the younger and the elder, or the reverse, to clarify to them this ruling: if it is in the way of a gift, then it is obligatory for me to give to everyone and honor everyone. But if it is in the way of need, then we give to the one who needs it, and we do not give to the one whom Allah has made independent of need.

The questioner : I have the youngest daughter, the last one. We married her off to a man who proposed to me through several groups. Among the wealthy, and the girl, praise be to Allah, Lord of the Worlds, is beautiful in appearance, and she is in the seventh grade. But she is the only one of my daughters who can read the hadiths and ask me some precise questions that I am unable to answer.

The Shaykh : What Allah willed.

The questioner : ... Allah sent us a good and pious man, and his family proposed for her to me. I said to him, I have one condition, which is that you maintain prayer and truthfulness. He said to me, yes, and I took a pledge from him. At the time of the contract in the Sharia court, among the conditions, I mentioned this thing, meaning that he maintains truthfulness and prayer. His family... she stayed with them for a period...

The Shaykh : This does not benefit anything.

The questioner : This is how it happened with us, Professor.

The Shaykh : It happened with you, but you must consider his saying, peace and blessings be upon him: If the suitor is not known for his uprightness in his life before he proposes, you take a condition from him that he prays and tells the truth. This condition is taken from him by One who is greater than you, who is your Creator and his Creator. If he fails to meet the condition of the Lord of the Worlds, he will not fail to meet the condition of a poor righteous man. Therefore, this condition, my brother, is ink on paper with no value.

The questioner : The man lives next to us, and I have knowledge of him. He prays, as you say, he is polite, he comes to my place. But I set conditions and he agreed. After I married her off, his family’s space became tight. I was working in construction; I built a part for my daughter, and she sold her gold, and the second part was paid. I told him, whenever you have a thousand pounds, give it to me. His family did not give them kitchen utensils...
The questioner: The need.

The questioner : I honored the girl, I put kitchen utensils and a refrigerator for her... so she is in need. My second sister said, "Dad, you did not honor me with anything."

The Shaykh : Yes, he asked him what was the intention, and he said to him, this is it.

The questioner : ... you are not in need.

The Shaykh : In need?

The questioner : Not in need. We went back and gave her ten thousand.

The Shaykh : Now the third one stands up...

The questioner : The third one did not speak. We went to her... we gave her seven thousand... of course, her situation is good... may Allah give to her and to us.

The Shaykh : Amen.

The questioner : ... praise be to Allah, Lord of the Worlds. We hope that Allah the Exalted will cause us to die while He is pleased with us.

The Shaykh : Well, but here is one before I forget.

The questioner : Please go ahead.

The Shaykh : It seems you are raising your children to forbid gold bracelets?

The questioner : Professor... she is weak in this matter.

The Shaykh : Weak in this matter. We picked it up, Abu Ahmad, we picked it up... You do not condition a person you know to wear a veil in prayer, seeing that he prays. You condition a person you do not know, regarding Allah’s ruling, that these bracelets are forbidden for us. So I condition you not to adorn my daughter, whom you want to become your wife, with what Allah, Mighty and Majestic, has forbidden. So you, may Allah forgive you, are reversing things. You condition what Allah did not condition, and they know, and you do not condition what Allah did condition, and they do not know... may Allah turn to us in repentance.

The questioner : They do not give us the status of a son unless it is a basic condition, except... and the people mock her, they took her. My daughters say, "These are wearing gold, and we are not wearing it..." There is no objection.

The Shaykh : No, no, give me your mind, Salih, and I hope that the name will match the reality. It is not like this, a name without a reality. You need to strive.
"And strive against the self and Satan, and disobey them both. And if they give you sincere advice, then heed them."
You want to raise your children to obey Allah and obey the Messenger. This does not mean prohibition. This does not mean prohibition. How much are these bracelets worth?

The questioner : ...

The Shaykh : These bracelets, for example, cost ten thousand. Buy gold with these ten thousand, whether it is coins, English gold, a bar, or something similar, and keep it with her as a reserve, following the principle of "save your white dirham for your black day." She is wealthy, but she is wealthy in the way Allah (Mighty and Majestic) intended, without disobedience to Him. And peace be upon you, and Allah's mercy and blessings. Do not hold us to more than what is possible, as we have learned.

The questioner : You are like a father to us.

The Shaykh : May Allah reward you with good. Do what you are able to do, if Allah wills.

The questioner : May Allah bless you

The Shaykh : The point is, we are not saying they should be left poor. Rather, the mahr they want to take, they should put it in their safe and not take it in their hands to wave it around at the wedding or such, so that the implication is, "Look at us, we are like this and like that." The problem arises from this.

The questioner : ...

The Shaykh : Please, if the tooth aches, the lesson is over.

The questioner : May Allah reward you with good. May Allah strengthen your faith.

The Shaykh : Amen, amen...