A man who separates his daughters in marriage, rejecting every suitor for his eldest daughter on the pretext of completing her studies without informing her, knowing that he does not care about the suitor's righteousness or his religion; what matters to him is only the rejection
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The questioner : What is your opinion of a man who separates his daughters in the matter of marriage, where he used to reject every suitor for the eldest daughter on the pretext of completing her studies and did not inform her of this? He did not care about the suitor's righteousness, his religion, or anything else; the most important thing for him was to reject him without inquiring about him. But after years passed, he realized that this behavior was wrong and corrected it, but only with the younger daughter, where he became one who does not reject any suitor for her until he inquires about him and informs her of it. Consequently, the younger daughter married, and the eldest did not marry. Does the eldest daughter have the right to be frank with her father about this, to discuss it with him, and to ask him: Why does he separate her from her sister? I ask the honorable Shaykh Muhammad to elaborate on this matter, and I ask you to advise every father to fear Allah the Mighty and Majestic in his daughters, especially the eldest, and not to make her a victim of his experiments. May Allah reward you with good.
The Shaykh : Praise be to Allah, Lord of the worlds, and I send prayers and peace upon our Prophet Muhammad, and upon his family and his Companions, and upon those who follow them with excellence until the Day of Judgment:
This question requires that we give advice to the guardians of women. I say: The guardians of women must fear Allah and know that they are a trust in their hands, and that they are responsible for this trust. It is not permissible for them to separate [the suitor from the woman] for any reason unless it is a reason prescribed by the Shari'ah, as Allah Blessed and Exalted is He said:[Al-Anfal 8:27-28].
So the guardians of women, when they are proposed to, must first inquire about the husband. If he is upright in his religion and his character, he should present him to the woman being proposed to and describe his qualities to her. If she agrees and gives permission, he should accept the proposal. Her permission, if she is a virgin, is by explicit statement or silence; if she is a previously married woman, it is by explicit statement only. If he says to the virgin: "So-and-so is proposing to you, and he has such and such qualities," and he mentions his qualities and circumstances, and she remains silent, then this is permission. If she explicitly says: "Yes, marry me to him," this is permission. If she rejects, then this is rejection. It is not permissible to force her, whether it is her father or anyone else, based on the saying of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him):Sahih al-Bukhari 6968.
As for if he inquired about the suitor and they spoke ill of him in his religion or his character, let him reject him. There is no need to consult the woman about this, because he is not worthy of acceptance. In fact, if it is assumed that he is not acceptable in his religion, but the woman accepts him and insists on it, her guardian has the right to prevent her from marrying him. In the hadith from the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him), he said:Jami` at-Tirmidhi 1085Da'if (Darussalam).
It is not permissible for the guardian to prevent suitable suitors for a worldly purpose, such as seeking from the suitors one who will give him more, or preventing the proposal because he needs his daughter to serve him in the house, or preventing the proposal because he needs his daughter's salary to take it or part of it. He must not prevent the proposal because of a bad personal relationship between him and the suitor. It is not permissible for him to prevent the proposal except for badness in their religion or their morals.
As for a purpose other than that, no. Many of the guardians, may Allah grant us safety and well-being, have betrayed their trusts, and their only concern is money. Whoever gives them more is their ally, even if he is not worthy of marriage. And whoever does not give them is not their ally, even if he is among the best of Allah's creation in character and the most upright in religion. This is a great error.
As for the answer to the questioner's question, I say: Her father made a mistake in preventing her from marriage in the first instance, but he returned and realized that his behavior was wrong. Returning to the truth is better than persisting in falsehood. But he made a mistake from another angle, where he intentionally prioritized marrying the younger daughter before the older one, meaning that he diverted the suitors from the older one to the younger one.
As for if the suitors only propose to the younger one, he may marry her, even if that is before marrying the older one. People in this matter are in three categories:
One category is that it is not possible to marry the younger one before the older one, and they consider this a defect and an insult to the older one, even though the suitors are only proposing to the younger one and none of them proposed to the older one. This is an error and a deprivation of the right of the younger one.
The second category: like the situation of this man, who wants to marry the younger one before the older one. This is also a transgression.
The third category: one who fears Allah the Mighty and Majestic and marries whoever is proposed to, whether it is the younger one or the older one. This is the one who fulfilled the trust and cleared his conscience of responsibility:[At-Talaq 65:4] [At-Talaq 65:2-3].
Finally, I repeat the advice to the guardians of women to fear Allah the Mighty and Majestic in them, to watch over their fear of Allah, and not to prevent suitable suitors from marrying those over whom Allah has placed them as guardians. I ask Allah for everyone success in what He loves and is pleased with.
The questioner : O Allah, amen. Honorable Shaykh, does she have the right to discuss with her father or be frank with him about what has passed?
The Shaykh : Yes, she has the right to discuss with her father what has passed and what is to come. A woman wants what men want; she wants from men what men want from women. So she may discuss with her father.
The questioner : May Allah reward you with good, O honorable Shaykh.
The Shaykh : Praise be to Allah, Lord of the worlds, and I send prayers and peace upon our Prophet Muhammad, and upon his family and his Companions, and upon those who follow them with excellence until the Day of Judgment:
This question requires that we give advice to the guardians of women. I say: The guardians of women must fear Allah and know that they are a trust in their hands, and that they are responsible for this trust. It is not permissible for them to separate [the suitor from the woman] for any reason unless it is a reason prescribed by the Shari'ah, as Allah Blessed and Exalted is He said:
(27) O you who have believed, do not betray Allah and the Messenger or betray your trusts while you know [the consequence]. (28) And know that your properties and your children are but a trial and that Allah has with Him a great reward.
يَا أَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا لا تَخُونُوا اللَّهَ وَالرَّسُولَ وَتَخُونُوا أَمَانَاتِكُمْ وَأَنْتُمْ تَعْلَمُونَ * وَاعْلَمُوا أَنَّمَا أَمْوَالُكُمْ وَأَوْلادُكُمْ فِتْنَةٌ وَأَنَّ اللَّهَ عِنْدَهُ أَجْرٌ عَظِيمٌSo the guardians of women, when they are proposed to, must first inquire about the husband. If he is upright in his religion and his character, he should present him to the woman being proposed to and describe his qualities to her. If she agrees and gives permission, he should accept the proposal. Her permission, if she is a virgin, is by explicit statement or silence; if she is a previously married woman, it is by explicit statement only. If he says to the virgin: "So-and-so is proposing to you, and he has such and such qualities," and he mentions his qualities and circumstances, and she remains silent, then this is permission. If she explicitly says: "Yes, marry me to him," this is permission. If she rejects, then this is rejection. It is not permissible to force her, whether it is her father or anyone else, based on the saying of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him):
A virgin should not be married till she is asked for her consent; and the matron should not be married till she is asked whether she agrees to marry or not.
لا تنكح البكر حتى تستأذن ولا تنكح الأيم حتى تستأمرAs for if he inquired about the suitor and they spoke ill of him in his religion or his character, let him reject him. There is no need to consult the woman about this, because he is not worthy of acceptance. In fact, if it is assumed that he is not acceptable in his religion, but the woman accepts him and insists on it, her guardian has the right to prevent her from marrying him. In the hadith from the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him), he said:
When someone whose religion and character you are pleased with comes to you then marry (her to) him. If you do not do so, then there will be turmoil (Fitnah) in the land and discord (Fasad).
إذا أتاكم من ترضون دينه وخلقه فأنكحوه، إلا تفعلوا تكن فتنة في الأرض وفسادٌ كبير أو قال: وفساد عريضIt is not permissible for the guardian to prevent suitable suitors for a worldly purpose, such as seeking from the suitors one who will give him more, or preventing the proposal because he needs his daughter to serve him in the house, or preventing the proposal because he needs his daughter's salary to take it or part of it. He must not prevent the proposal because of a bad personal relationship between him and the suitor. It is not permissible for him to prevent the proposal except for badness in their religion or their morals.
As for a purpose other than that, no. Many of the guardians, may Allah grant us safety and well-being, have betrayed their trusts, and their only concern is money. Whoever gives them more is their ally, even if he is not worthy of marriage. And whoever does not give them is not their ally, even if he is among the best of Allah's creation in character and the most upright in religion. This is a great error.
As for the answer to the questioner's question, I say: Her father made a mistake in preventing her from marriage in the first instance, but he returned and realized that his behavior was wrong. Returning to the truth is better than persisting in falsehood. But he made a mistake from another angle, where he intentionally prioritized marrying the younger daughter before the older one, meaning that he diverted the suitors from the older one to the younger one.
As for if the suitors only propose to the younger one, he may marry her, even if that is before marrying the older one. People in this matter are in three categories:
One category is that it is not possible to marry the younger one before the older one, and they consider this a defect and an insult to the older one, even though the suitors are only proposing to the younger one and none of them proposed to the older one. This is an error and a deprivation of the right of the younger one.
The second category: like the situation of this man, who wants to marry the younger one before the older one. This is also a transgression.
The third category: one who fears Allah the Mighty and Majestic and marries whoever is proposed to, whether it is the younger one or the older one. This is the one who fulfilled the trust and cleared his conscience of responsibility:
And whoever fears Allah - He will make for him of his matter ease.
وَمَنْ يَتَّقِ اللَّهَ يَجْعَلْ لَهُ مِنْ أَمْرِهِ يُسْرًاAnd whoever fears Allah - He will make for him a way out (3) And will provide for him from where he does not expect.
وَمَنْ يَتَّقِ اللَّهَ يَجْعَلْ لَهُ مَخْرَجًا * وَيَرْزُقْهُ مِنْ حَيْثُ لا يَحْتَسِبُFinally, I repeat the advice to the guardians of women to fear Allah the Mighty and Majestic in them, to watch over their fear of Allah, and not to prevent suitable suitors from marrying those over whom Allah has placed them as guardians. I ask Allah for everyone success in what He loves and is pleased with.
The questioner : O Allah, amen. Honorable Shaykh, does she have the right to discuss with her father or be frank with him about what has passed?
The Shaykh : Yes, she has the right to discuss with her father what has passed and what is to come. A woman wants what men want; she wants from men what men want from women. So she may discuss with her father.
The questioner : May Allah reward you with good, O honorable Shaykh.