The Ruling on Divorce by Three Pronouncements in a State of Anger

Question:
This is the first message in our session today from the listener Ali Abdullah al-Zahrani from al-Bahah. He says: I am a man married to my cousin, and my problem is my wife’s family. They are trying to create problems between me and her by inciting her to make excessive demands, to be extravagant with my money, and to disobey me in what I order her to do. She does not even pray. One time I tried to get her to pray, but she refused, so I got angry with her and said to her: “You are divorced three times.” I did not mean it, especially since I have a son from her, but I am afraid they will fill his heart with hatred and enmity toward me. What is your opinion on this matter and on the divorce?
Please advise me, may Allah reward you.

Answer:
In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
Praise be to Allah, and may Allah send prayers and blessings upon the Messenger of Allah, and upon his family and his Companions, and upon those who follow his guidance. As for what follows:
There is no doubt that inciting a woman to disobey her husband, to defy his orders, and to cause him harm in his wealth and in other forbidden matters is among the evil deeds that they must abandon and be cautious of. It is obligatory for all Muslims to cooperate in righteousness and piety, and it is especially obligatory for the woman’s family to cooperate with their daughter and her husband in righteousness and piety, and to desire the reconciliation of the two parties and the prevention of discord between the spouses. This is what is obligatory upon them, unless separation between them is better in the judgment of the woman’s family. In that case, they should look into the matter through the proper path and with good methods, not through harm, injustice, and aggression. They are able to ask the husband to divorce her without compensation or with compensation, and to explain the reasons to him. As for harming him and inciting her to harm him and disobey him without a religious order, this is not permissible; rather, it is an evil deed.
As for the fact that she does not pray, that is more severe and more dangerous, for abandoning the prayer is disbelief in Allah among both men and women. It is authentically reported from the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) that he said: Imam Ahmad and the people of the Sunan narrated it with a sound chain from Buraydah ibn al-Husayb (may Allah be pleased with him).
In Sahih Muslim (may Allah have mercy on him), from Jabir ibn Abdullah al-Ansari (may Allah be pleased with them both), from the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him), that he said: The use of the word "man" does not indicate restriction to men only; rather, the texts often use the name "man" because the man is the better of the two genders. Otherwise, the ruling is general except where evidence specifies otherwise.
Therefore, abandoning prayer is disbelief for both men and women alike. And he (peace and blessings be upon him) said: So if she does not pray, there is no good in her remaining with you, O questioner. It is obligatory to separate from her because she is not lawful for you. Allah said regarding the disbelievers: [Al-Mumtahanah: 10] In fact, you must leave her until she repents. This is the correct opinion of the scholars: that abandoning prayer is major shirk, even if the one who abandons it does not deny its obligation. As for if he denies its obligation, he has committed disbelief by consensus; there is no disagreement among scholars that one who abandons it while denying its obligation is a disbeliever. The disagreement is only in the case where one abandons it out of negligence while acknowledging and admitting its obligation. The correct view is that abandoning it is disbelief absolutely.
So it is obligatory for this woman to repent to Allah and to hasten in doing so. If she repents to Allah, she is your wife. Otherwise, it is obligatory to separate from her. [Al-Talaq: 3] And Allah the Exalted says: [An-Nisa: 130] So you should give her one pronouncement of divorce as a precaution and to get out of the disagreement among scholars. We ask Allah for her guidance and return to the right and the truth.
As for the divorce that came from you, which is that you said: “She is divorced three times,” if the reality is this wording and there were not two pronouncements before it, then it is considered one revocable pronouncement according to the correct opinion of the scholars. This is based on what is established in the authentic narrations from Ibn Abbas (may Allah be pleased with them both): “That the divorce in the time of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) and the time of al-Khalid, and in the early part of Umar’s caliphate, three pronouncements were made into one.” Ibn Abbas issued a fatwa to this effect in an authentic narration from him, and a group of the Salaf, including the Tabi'un and others, issued a fatwa to this effect. This is the correct view: that divorce by three pronouncements in one word is considered one pronouncement. This is the stronger of the two opinions among the scholars. However, if there were two pronouncements before it, then the three pronouncements have ended and she is forbidden to you until she marries another husband.
So you should look into the matter, and advise this woman to repent to Allah (Glorified and Exalted is He), and advise her family as well. You should seek the help of relatives and friends you see fit to advise her so that she returns to Allah and repents to Him, and to advise her family so that they help in her repentance and return to Allah, and also help in maintaining the marriage and the stability of the situation between you and her. We ask Allah for guidance and success for everyone.