The Ruling on Extravagance and Excess in Condolence

Q: What is the ruling on extravagance and excess in condolence, where the family of the deceased goes to the trouble of preparing feasts for those offering condolences, and there is a custom that has become established, such as the third day, the eighth day, and the fortieth day, regarding those offering condolences?

A: This has no basis in the religion; rather, it is a bid'ah (religious innovation) and an abomination, and it is from the matters of the jahiliyyah (the pre-Islamic age of ignorance). Therefore, it is not permissible for those offering condolences to hold feasts for the deceased, neither on the first day, nor the third, nor the fourth, nor on the fortieth day, nor any other day. All of this is bid'ah and a pre-Islamic custom with no justification. Rather, they should praise Allah, be patient, and thank Him for what He has decreed, and ask Him, Exalted is He, to grant them patience and to help them bear the calamity, but they should not prepare food for people.
Jarir ibn 'Abdullah al-Bajali — and he was a noble Companion — said: We considered gathering at the deceased's home and preparing food after the burial to be part of wailing. Imam Ahmad narrated it with a good chain.
The Companions considered wailing to be among the forbidden things; because the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) warned against it. However, it is prescribed (mashru') for their relatives and neighbors to send them food, because they are occupied with the calamity. When the news of the death of Ja'far ibn Abi Talib (may Allah be pleased with him), who was killed at Mu'tah in Jordan, reached the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him), he (peace and blessings be upon him) ordered his family to prepare food for the family of Ja'far, and said: As for the family of the deceased, they should not prepare food, neither on the first day, nor the third, nor the fourth, nor the tenth, nor any other day.
But if they prepare food for themselves or for their guest, there is nothing wrong with it. However, gathering people for condolences and preparing food for them is not permissible, as it contradicts the Sunnah.