A man who was traveling and his family sent him word that they had proposed a girl he knew to him, so he said
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The questioner : He says: He is a young man who is twenty-nine years old. This young man’s family sent him word that they had proposed a girl he knew to him. When the news reached him, he said, "She is to me as the back of my mother," and he divorced her with three divorces because he did not want her. When he came to his family, he found that they had not proposed the girl to him, but it was merely a suggestion. However, this young man ultimately was convinced by this girl and wanted to propose to her. So he asks: What is the ruling regarding what he did? Does he owe an expiation for zihar or not? And what is the ruling on the triple divorce he pronounced, knowing that when he said these two words, no marriage contract had been concluded for him with the girl; it was merely an opinion from his family?
The Shaykh : Before answering this question, I advise this brother to avoid this haste and this foolishness. For the fact that he pronounced zihar and divorced her three times before a marriage contract was concluded for him, and merely because he was informed that she was proposed to him, is considered a great deal of haste and foolishness. The sane, decisive person is the one who controls himself and does not act except in a way whose outcome he will praise. How many people have been overcome by rashness and anger, and acted in a way they later regretted. As for the zihar or divorce he inflicted on this woman, for whom no marriage contract was concluded for him, it is of no effect. This is because divorce does not take place except after a marriage contract, as Allah the Exalted said:[Al-Ahzab 33:49] And because divorce is for the one who has taken hold of the heel, and he has not taken hold of her heel up to now, nor has a marriage contract been concluded for him with her. And because divorce is the untying of the bond of marriage, and as long as he has not married her, there is no bond to untie. As for the zihar, Allah the Exalted said: [Al-Mujadila 58:3] So He attributed zihar to their wives. And as long as the woman has not been married to him, she is not among his wives, so his zihar does not apply to her. However, if this man intended by the zihar to abstain from having intercourse with her, then he should pay the expiation for an oath if a marriage contract is concluded for him with her and he has intercourse with her; this is the safest course and the clearest for his conscience. As for the zihar itself, it is not obligatory for him because she is not among his wives, as mentioned previously.
The questioner : Yes.
The Shaykh : Yes.
The Shaykh : Before answering this question, I advise this brother to avoid this haste and this foolishness. For the fact that he pronounced zihar and divorced her three times before a marriage contract was concluded for him, and merely because he was informed that she was proposed to him, is considered a great deal of haste and foolishness. The sane, decisive person is the one who controls himself and does not act except in a way whose outcome he will praise. How many people have been overcome by rashness and anger, and acted in a way they later regretted. As for the zihar or divorce he inflicted on this woman, for whom no marriage contract was concluded for him, it is of no effect. This is because divorce does not take place except after a marriage contract, as Allah the Exalted said:
O You who have believed, when you marry believing women and then divorce them before you have touched them
يا أيها الذين ءامنوا إذا نكحتم المؤمنات ثم طلقتموهن من قبل أن تمسوهنAnd those who pronounce thihar from their wives
والذين يُظاهرون من نسائهمThe questioner : Yes.
The Shaykh : Yes.