Kindness to Children
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Question: We, praise be to Allah, hold firmly to the pure religion. We perform the obligatory and voluntary prayers, and we fast both the obligatory and voluntary fasts. However, our problem is our father, who mistreats us at home. His treatment of us is akin to how one treats animals, if not worse, despite the fact that we honor him with the utmost respect and reverence, and we provide him with all means of comfort and tranquility. Yet, despite this, he treats us and our mother with the worst possible treatment. He does not address us except by the ugliest names of animals, and he constantly curses us and criticizes our strong adherence to the religion. In addition to this, he frequently backbites people and engages in talebearing among them. He does these things while maintaining his prayers and fasting; he is diligent in performing the obligatory prayers in the mosques, but he has not abandoned this bad habit, which has caused us and our mother anxiety and weariness. We have grown weary of patience, and we can no longer bear living with him in this state. What is your advice for him? And what is obligatory for us toward him? May Allah reward you with good.
Answer: First: It is obligatory for the father to be kind to his children and to use gentleness with them at the appropriate time and strictness at the appropriate time. He should not be constantly strict, nor constantly gentle. Rather, he should use what is appropriate for each situation, because he is a nurturer and a father. It is obligatory for him to always and forever use what is best with his children. If he sees kindness from them, he should not be harsh with them. If he sees misconduct from them, he should be strict with them to a degree that deters them from that misconduct. He should be wise with his children. This is what is obligatory for him. He should not be harsh with them in a way that repels them, nor should he be strict without cause or justification. Rather, he should improve his character with them, because they are the most deserving of his kindness and affection, so that they grow up with good character, religion, and sound habits.
As for if he repels them with his constant harshness and severity, that is a cause for them to be repelled from him and to grow up with a bad upbringing. It is obligatory for the father to be mindful of this with his children, because they are a trust in his care,And he is responsible for them:Sahih al-Bukhari 5200 .
As for your obligation toward him, it is to be kind to him and to be patient with what comes from him. He is your father and has a great right over you, and you are his children. It is obligatory for you to be kind to him and to be patient with the harshness that comes from him. That is a cause for him to reconsider and realize his mistake. And Allah the Exalted knows best.
Answer: First: It is obligatory for the father to be kind to his children and to use gentleness with them at the appropriate time and strictness at the appropriate time. He should not be constantly strict, nor constantly gentle. Rather, he should use what is appropriate for each situation, because he is a nurturer and a father. It is obligatory for him to always and forever use what is best with his children. If he sees kindness from them, he should not be harsh with them. If he sees misconduct from them, he should be strict with them to a degree that deters them from that misconduct. He should be wise with his children. This is what is obligatory for him. He should not be harsh with them in a way that repels them, nor should he be strict without cause or justification. Rather, he should improve his character with them, because they are the most deserving of his kindness and affection, so that they grow up with good character, religion, and sound habits.
As for if he repels them with his constant harshness and severity, that is a cause for them to be repelled from him and to grow up with a bad upbringing. It is obligatory for the father to be mindful of this with his children, because they are a trust in his care,And he is responsible for them:
All of you are guardians and are responsible for your wards
كلكم راع، وكلكم مسئول عن رعيتهAs for your obligation toward him, it is to be kind to him and to be patient with what comes from him. He is your father and has a great right over you, and you are his children. It is obligatory for you to be kind to him and to be patient with the harshness that comes from him. That is a cause for him to reconsider and realize his mistake. And Allah the Exalted knows best.