Backbiting and the Scholars' Statements on How to Repent from It
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If the right is not financial, such as if a person backbited you in a gathering or gatherings, how does one repent from this?Many of the scholars said: You must go to him and seek his forgiveness, otherwise he will take from your good deeds on the Day of Resurrection.Go to him and say to him: O so-and-so! Forgive me.
And some scholars said: It is not obligatory for you to seek his forgiveness; rather, you should seek forgiveness from Allah for him and speak well of him in the gatherings where you used to backbite him, for good deeds erase bad ones.And it came in the hadith: (The expiation for one who backbites is to seek forgiveness for him).
But there is a third, middle opinion, and it is likely the correct one.He says: If your brother whom you backbited has become aware of it, you must go to him and seek his forgiveness, because what is in his heart will not be removed until you seek his forgiveness. However, if he was not aware, it is sufficient to seek forgiveness from Allah for him and to speak well of him in the gatherings where you used to backbite him. And Allah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.
It is recommended that when his brother comes to him to apologize, he should forgive him. But should he discuss it and say: You are now asking me to forgive you, but what did you do to me?Meaning: Should he discuss it and see what happened?Or he says: Are you forgiven and that is enough? It is better not to discuss it, because he might mention something major, and your companion's soul may be unable to forgive him, is that not so?Perhaps if he says: And Allah has forgiven me,He said: What are you going to do with me,He said: You did such and such and such, and the matter is major, and his soul refuses to forgive; because the soul is inclined to evil, so it is better not to ask,Should he not say: What did you do?And he should seek reward from Allah and say: This person has come to apologize, and whoever forgives and makes amends, his reward is with Allah. And if it were not for the fact that he is remorseful and repentant, and that it is hoped for in the future that this backbiting will turn into good praise,And he says: You are forgiven by me, and his reward is with whom? With Allah.
So now, regarding the person whose wrong was not financial, does he go and seek forgiveness or not? How many opinions are there in this issue? Three opinions.
The first: That he must go to him and seek his forgiveness.
And the second: There is no need to go to him; rather, he seeks forgiveness from Allah for him and speaks well of him in the places where he used to backbite him.
And the third: The detailed ruling, and this detailed ruling is the choice of Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyyah (may Allah have mercy on him), and it is the truth? And it is that if he was aware, you must seek his forgiveness until what is in his heart is removed, and if he was not aware, there is no need to seek his forgiveness.
This is regarding the one who backbited another.
As for the one who was backbitten and was asked for forgiveness, what we see is that the best and most complete thing is to forgive him; because his brother came to him apologizing and remorseful, so let him forgive him. And be assured that if he forgives him, it will be a great favor upon the person who sought forgiveness. He will see that he has given him the greatest gift, so the hatred that was there before will turn into love and affection? And this is what is required of Muslims, that some of them be affectionate, loving, and kind to others.Allah, Mighty and Majestic, says: [Al-Hujurat:12] He, Glorified and Exalted is He, is Ar-Raheem (The Most Merciful) and He is Ar-Rahman (The Most Gracious), and the two names have come together in the greatest surah in the Book of Allah. What is it? Al-Fatihah, [Al-Fatihah:2].
The scholars said: If Ar-Rahman is mentioned alone, as in the saying of Allah the Exalted: [Maryam:92].
And as in the saying of Allah the Exalted: [Al-Furqan:60].
Or Ar-Raheem became alone as in this verse: [Al-Hujurat:12] Their meaning is the same,Meaning: That Ar-Raheem is the One with vast, all-encompassing mercy, and Ar-Rahman, when mentioned alone, is the One with vast, all-encompassing mercy. But when they are both mentioned together, Ar-Rahman is in terms of the attribute, and Ar-Raheem is in terms of the action. Pay attention! Ar-Rahman in terms of the attribute and Ar-Raheem in terms of the action means: That He, Mighty and Majestic, has vast mercy, and He is also a Merciful One who extends mercy to whom He wills of His servants.As Allah the Exalted said: [Al-'Ankabut:21].
I ask Allah the Exalted to include me and you in His mercy, and all our Muslim brothers, and to make us among the callers to good and reform. Indeed, He is capable of all things.
And some scholars said: It is not obligatory for you to seek his forgiveness; rather, you should seek forgiveness from Allah for him and speak well of him in the gatherings where you used to backbite him, for good deeds erase bad ones.And it came in the hadith: (The expiation for one who backbites is to seek forgiveness for him).
But there is a third, middle opinion, and it is likely the correct one.He says: If your brother whom you backbited has become aware of it, you must go to him and seek his forgiveness, because what is in his heart will not be removed until you seek his forgiveness. However, if he was not aware, it is sufficient to seek forgiveness from Allah for him and to speak well of him in the gatherings where you used to backbite him. And Allah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.
It is recommended that when his brother comes to him to apologize, he should forgive him. But should he discuss it and say: You are now asking me to forgive you, but what did you do to me?Meaning: Should he discuss it and see what happened?Or he says: Are you forgiven and that is enough? It is better not to discuss it, because he might mention something major, and your companion's soul may be unable to forgive him, is that not so?Perhaps if he says: And Allah has forgiven me,He said: What are you going to do with me,He said: You did such and such and such, and the matter is major, and his soul refuses to forgive; because the soul is inclined to evil, so it is better not to ask,Should he not say: What did you do?And he should seek reward from Allah and say: This person has come to apologize, and whoever forgives and makes amends, his reward is with Allah. And if it were not for the fact that he is remorseful and repentant, and that it is hoped for in the future that this backbiting will turn into good praise,And he says: You are forgiven by me, and his reward is with whom? With Allah.
So now, regarding the person whose wrong was not financial, does he go and seek forgiveness or not? How many opinions are there in this issue? Three opinions.
The first: That he must go to him and seek his forgiveness.
And the second: There is no need to go to him; rather, he seeks forgiveness from Allah for him and speaks well of him in the places where he used to backbite him.
And the third: The detailed ruling, and this detailed ruling is the choice of Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyyah (may Allah have mercy on him), and it is the truth? And it is that if he was aware, you must seek his forgiveness until what is in his heart is removed, and if he was not aware, there is no need to seek his forgiveness.
This is regarding the one who backbited another.
As for the one who was backbitten and was asked for forgiveness, what we see is that the best and most complete thing is to forgive him; because his brother came to him apologizing and remorseful, so let him forgive him. And be assured that if he forgives him, it will be a great favor upon the person who sought forgiveness. He will see that he has given him the greatest gift, so the hatred that was there before will turn into love and affection? And this is what is required of Muslims, that some of them be affectionate, loving, and kind to others.Allah, Mighty and Majestic, says:
And fear Allah; indeed, Allah is Accepting of repentance and Merciful.
وَاتَّقُوا اللَّهَ إِنَّ اللَّهَ تَوَّابٌ رَحِيمٌThe Most Merciful, the Bestower of Mercy
الرَّحْمَنِ الرَّحِيمِThe scholars said: If Ar-Rahman is mentioned alone, as in the saying of Allah the Exalted:
And it is not fitting for the Most Gracious to take a son.
وَمَا يَنْبَغِي لِلرَّحْمَنِ أَنْ يَتَّخِذَ وَلَداًAnd as in the saying of Allah the Exalted:
And when it is said to them, "Prostrate to the Most Merciful," they say, "And what is the Most Merciful?
وَإِذَا قِيلَ لَهُمُ اسْجُدُوا لِلرَّحْمَنِ قَالُوا وَمَا الرَّحْمَنُOr Ar-Raheem became alone as in this verse:
Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.
تَوَّابٌ رَحِيمٌHe punishes whom He wills and has mercy upon whom He wills, and to Him you will be returned.
يُعَذِّبُ مَنْ يَشَاءُ وَيَرْحَمُ مَنْ يَشَاءُ وَإِلَيْهِ تُقْلَبُونَI ask Allah the Exalted to include me and you in His mercy, and all our Muslim brothers, and to make us among the callers to good and reform. Indeed, He is capable of all things.