The Prescribed Divorce and Its Rulings

The Shaykh : Among the matters related to the issues of marriage is when a person wants to separate from his wife because he cannot bear to stay with her. It is obligatory for a person to try to fix the situation before anything else, as Allah the Exalted said: This is the speech of Allah Mighty and Majestic. This means that a person may be stingy during a dispute, demanding all of his rights, everything that belongs to him. We say: do not be stingy; reconciliation is better. If a person sees that he hates his wife, we say: first, be patient. Some of the Salaf said: "Perhaps he will be granted a righteous child from her", and perhaps the hatred will turn into love, for the hearts are in the hand of Allah. How many people have hated a person intensely, then the hatred turned into love, or the reverse. Have you not seen 'Amr ibn al-'As (may Allah be pleased with him)? Before he embraced Islam, he hated the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) intensely, to the point that he wished he could get hold of him and kill him. But when he embraced Islam, he could not lift his eyes to the Messenger (peace and blessings be upon him) out of reverence and exaltation for him, because of the intensity of his respect and love for him. So be patient, my brother. Be patient with your wife, especially if she is the mother of your children. If there is no option but the sword, it has been said: "If there is no option but the sword, *** then what is the recourse of the desperate but to ride it". In that case, he divorces, but he must divorce her in the prescribed manner. First: do not divorce her except when she is pregnant, or when she is in a state of purity in which you have not had intercourse with her. This is based on the saying of Allah Blessed and Exalted is He: Then He said: Now, for example, if a person had intercourse with his wife after her menstruation, then he comes and asks: should I divorce her now, or what? We say: do not divorce her until it becomes clear that she is pregnant, then divorce her because she is pregnant; or let her menstruate after this period of purity, then become pure again, then divorce her. Do you understand? Many people, as soon as they get angry at their wife, they rush to divorce her, even if they have not performed the ritual bath from major ritual impurity. This is not permissible except if she is pregnant. If a person divorces a pregnant woman immediately after intercourse, there is no blame on him. But for a non-pregnant woman, it is not permissible to divorce her in a period of purity in which he had intercourse with her, nor to divorce her while she is menstruating. In *al-Sahihayn* (the two authentic collections), it is narrated that 'Abdullah ibn 'Umar (may Allah be pleased with them both) divorced his wife while she was menstruating. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him and his family) was informed of this and became angry at him. Anger overtook him. Why did he divorce her outside the waiting period? Then he said to 'Umar: . Why was a person commanded to be deliberate in divorce so that he divorces her in a period of purity in which he did not have intercourse with her, and does not divorce her during menstruation or in a period of purity in which he had intercourse with her? As for the prohibition of divorcing her during menstruation, it is because if he divorces her during menstruation, that menstrual period is not counted, which results in prolonging the waiting period for the woman. Also, if he divorces her while she is menstruating, he will be divorcing her at a time when he is far from having intercourse with her. And if he is far from having intercourse with her, he may not feel love for her in his heart. For this reason, a person is prohibited from divorcing her while she is menstruating. As for a period of purity in which he had intercourse with her, the reason for the prohibition is that if he had intercourse with her during that purity, she might become pregnant from that intercourse, in which case her waiting period would be that of a pregnant woman. It is also possible that she does not become pregnant, in which case her waiting period would be that of a menstruating woman. If he did not have intercourse with her, we know that her waiting period is that of what? That of a menstruating woman, not that of a pregnant woman. That of a menstruating woman.