My brother passed away, leaving behind three children. I married their mother out of compassion for them, and I also had three children with her.
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The questioner : From Yemen, from Taiz, listener E.E.B. sent a message saying: My brother passed away, leaving behind three children. I married their mother out of compassion for them, and I also had three children with her. I live with them in their house, meaning the orphans' house. I am their guardian and sole provider. I collect their pension and add it to my own, and I try to save a portion of it so that the savings are shared equally between me and them. Please note that their pension is 800 Yemeni Rials higher than mine. Also, I have a harsh nature and I am strict with them with the intention of raising them in a way that pleases Allah (Mighty and Majestic). My questions are as follows: What is the ruling on my living with them? Is it permissible or not? What is the ruling on my collecting their pension? Do I have the right to add it to my pension to save from it what we do not share equally? Thirdly, what is the ruling on my strictness toward them? Am I right or wrong? We ask for your guidance. May Allah reward you with good.
The Shaykh : First, we thank you for marrying your brother's wife after his death in order to care for his sons, because this is undoubtedly maintaining family ties and doing good and kindness. If you compared this to marrying another woman, you would know the great difference, because your brother's sons might be neglected if she married another man, and problems might arise between them and the children the woman bears from the new husband. If they are with you, under your care and upbringing, that is better and undoubtedly superior. So, be assured of good and reward from Allah (Mighty and Majestic).
As for your question about living with them, we say that there is nothing wrong with living with them, but you must pay the rent in proportion. If there are three of them, and you, your wife, and your three children, the total becomes eight.
The questioner : Yes.
The Shaykh : The rent is divided into eight shares, and you pay what corresponds to five shares, which is added to the money of these orphans, because it is not permissible for you to live in their house without rent. As for mixing their money with yours, there is nothing wrong with that either, if there is a benefit in it, as Allah the Exalted said:[Al-An'am 6:152] But you must provide for them according to the number of their heads.
The questioner : Yes.
The Shaykh : So, if you spend, for example, eighty Rials, you must spend fifty of it, and they get thirty, and so on.
As for being strict with them for their discipline, if the strictness in this discipline is something that must be done, then there is nothing wrong with it, because it is in their interest. But if this strictness can be avoided, it is not permissible for you to be strict with them, because compassion for an orphan and mercy are among the best deeds. In fact, strictness is not permissible if it can be avoided, even in the upbringing of non-orphans, because the aim of upbringing is reform, not revenge or vindictiveness.
And on this basis, we direct all our brothers who are responsible for upbringing, whether it is the relatives and children under their care, or the Muslim children under their supervision, such as teachers, for example.
The questioner : Very well.
The Shaykh : That they use the easiest and easiest method in upbringing, and the one closest to achieving the desired result, and that they know that Allah the Exalted gives through gentleness what He does not give through violence, and that violence may be a cause of aversion and hatred of the truth that this disciplinarian is calling to. And whenever gentleness is compared to violence, following gentleness is more appropriate if the benefit is not lost by it. Yes.
The questioner : May Allah bless you.
The Shaykh : First, we thank you for marrying your brother's wife after his death in order to care for his sons, because this is undoubtedly maintaining family ties and doing good and kindness. If you compared this to marrying another woman, you would know the great difference, because your brother's sons might be neglected if she married another man, and problems might arise between them and the children the woman bears from the new husband. If they are with you, under your care and upbringing, that is better and undoubtedly superior. So, be assured of good and reward from Allah (Mighty and Majestic).
As for your question about living with them, we say that there is nothing wrong with living with them, but you must pay the rent in proportion. If there are three of them, and you, your wife, and your three children, the total becomes eight.
The questioner : Yes.
The Shaykh : The rent is divided into eight shares, and you pay what corresponds to five shares, which is added to the money of these orphans, because it is not permissible for you to live in their house without rent. As for mixing their money with yours, there is nothing wrong with that either, if there is a benefit in it, as Allah the Exalted said:
And do not approach the orphan's property except in a way that is best
ولا تقربوا مال اليتيم إلا بالتي هي أحسنThe questioner : Yes.
The Shaykh : So, if you spend, for example, eighty Rials, you must spend fifty of it, and they get thirty, and so on.
As for being strict with them for their discipline, if the strictness in this discipline is something that must be done, then there is nothing wrong with it, because it is in their interest. But if this strictness can be avoided, it is not permissible for you to be strict with them, because compassion for an orphan and mercy are among the best deeds. In fact, strictness is not permissible if it can be avoided, even in the upbringing of non-orphans, because the aim of upbringing is reform, not revenge or vindictiveness.
And on this basis, we direct all our brothers who are responsible for upbringing, whether it is the relatives and children under their care, or the Muslim children under their supervision, such as teachers, for example.
The questioner : Very well.
The Shaykh : That they use the easiest and easiest method in upbringing, and the one closest to achieving the desired result, and that they know that Allah the Exalted gives through gentleness what He does not give through violence, and that violence may be a cause of aversion and hatred of the truth that this disciplinarian is calling to. And whenever gentleness is compared to violence, following gentleness is more appropriate if the benefit is not lost by it. Yes.
The questioner : May Allah bless you.