A girl who has been contracted in marriage but is not reassured about the suitor, asking the Shaykh whether this is a whisper from Satan or not?
Machine translationRead the Arabic original
The questioner: The question, please.
The Shaykh : Please, go ahead.
The questioner: I am, O Shaykh, engaged to a brother, meaning through the Islamic contract and everything, but I do not have peace of mind regarding this brother. Sometimes I feel reassured and sometimes I do not. I do not know if this is from Satan. I do not know, meaning, what should I do?
The Shaykh : Did you apply his saying, (peace be upon him), before the contract?
The questioner: (peace and blessings be upon him).
The ShaykhJami` at-Tirmidhi 1084Da'if (Darussalam), to the end of the hadith. Did you apply it? Did you apply it?
The questioner: Yes, O Shaykh, I applied it.
The Shaykh : Good, so why the whisper then?
The questioner: I mean, there are behaviors on his part. The behaviors are what made me, made me not reassured.
The Shaykh : Yes, his behaviors are contrary to the Shari'ah.
The questioner: Sometimes, sometimes they are contrary to the Shari'ah.
The Shaykh : Like what?
The questioner: For example, he sells clothes, meaning women's clothes, and he knows that it is not permissible, and Allah knows best. What do you say, O Shaykh?
The Shaykh : Did you not know that before?
The questioner: No, he was not working in this job, but in these days he started in this job, meaning.
The Shaykh : What was he working as?
The questioner: He was working as a merchant.
The Shaykh : Your saying "merchant" is a vague term. A merchant could be a cloth merchant, as you said.
The questioner : Yes.
The Shaykh : So in what was he trading?
The questioner: He was trading in foodstuffs and so on, meaning he was not in clothes.
The Shaykh : Good, and why did he leave that trade?
The questioner: Because it was not his own trade; he was working for a brother, a brother of his in Allah.
The Shaykh : And the same question returns: why did he leave this brother in Allah?
The questioner: Allah knows best, I do not know.
The Shaykh : The important thing is, if you are in contact with him—you mentioned that the Islamic contract took place?
The questioner : Yes.
The Shaykh : Good, so if you are in contact with him, advise him.
The questioner: But, O Shaykh, he told me he would leave this job, but that lack of reassurance is always present. I mean, I am afraid he will fall into the same matters. He told me he would leave this job, but this lack of reassurance is still there. I do not know what it is, whether it is from Satan or what?
The Shaykh : By Allah, I do not know what to say; because the witness, as he said, (peace be upon him):Musnad Ahmad 628Hasan because of corroborating evidence and its isnad is interrupted] (Darussalam).
The questioner : Yes.
The Shaykh : And news is not like direct observation.
The questioner : Yes.
The Shaykh : So you are telling me, and you are observing the man and his actions and his behaviors. Therefore, it is supposed that you are more aware of the situation than the one you are informing, who is me. Therefore, I cannot say that what you are telling yourself is from the whispers of Satan or not.
The questioner : Yes.
The Shaykh : But I suggest that you follow up with him with advice before the marriage. Do you have a father or a brother?
The questioner: I do not have a father; my father is deceased.
The Shaykh : Do not say "deceased"; the deceased is Allah.
The questioner : Yes.
The Shaykh : Say "passed away."
The questioner: Yes, may Allah bless you.
The Shaykh : And you. Good, do you have brothers?
The questioner: I have brothers.
The Shaykh : Good, are they religious and committed?
The questioner: No, they are not religious. I am the only one; it is just me and my sister.
The Shaykh : May Allah assist you.
The questioner: And you.
The Shaykh : May Allah assist you.
The questioner: But, O Shaykh, I want to tell you something: there is no affection toward him, meaning, as Allah says, (Glorified and Exalted is He):[Ar-Rum 30:21], but I do not feel affection toward him, meaning.
The Shaykh: There is no power nor strength except with Allah.
The questioner: May Allah bless you, O Shaykh. Give me an answer if you can, because by Allah, I am very worried. I do not know what to do.
The Shaykh : How old is he?
The questioner: Twenty-eight years old.
The Shaykh : And you?
The questioner: Twenty-one years old.
The Shaykh : How long has it been since the contract?
The questioner: Approximately nine months.
The Shaykh : Yes, and in these nine months, do you feel this every day that passes?
The questioner: Yes, sometimes I am reassured and sometimes I am not reassured. This reassurance has been there since we made this contract.
The Shaykh : Good, did you seek guidance from Allah, (Mighty and Majestic), before the contract?
The questioner: Yes, I sought guidance from Him. I mean, every time he talks to me on the phone, my reassurance worsens. I mean, every time he comes to the house or I talk to him on the phone, that reassurance goes away.
The Shaykh : Good, has there been contact between you and him?
The questioner: Yes, there has been contact.
The Shaykh : In the presence of whom?
The questioner: No, I mean on the phone, O Shaykh, on the phone.
The Shaykh : No, no, I am just asking. Not on the phone; physical presence.
The questioner: Yes, he came to the house. He comes, meaning, repeatedly to the house.
The Shaykh : Who was in the house?
The questioner: The mother and my brothers, meaning, not him.
The Shaykh : Good, what is the opinion of the mother and the brothers or sisters? What is their opinion?
The questioner: What is their opinion of him?
The Shaykh : Yes, what is their opinion? What is their feeling?
The questioner: I mean, they say he is a humble person. I mean, they do not say, I mean, they do not say anything about him, I mean, they refer everything to me.
The Shaykh : Is he bearded?
The questioner: Yes, I mean, he is committed, committed to the Shari'ah, I mean.
The Shaykh : Good, now I will tell you something.
The questioner : Yes.
The Shaykh : Do you want a person who is infallible?
The questioner: No, O Shaykh, no. I mean, the thing that worries me is: why is it not as if he is on the Sunnah and on the path of the pious predecessors? Why is there no affection? Why is there not? Since he is, and every time I perform the prayer for guidance, the situation increases, I mean, like this.
The Shaykh : Affection is only realized after the consummation of the marriage, not before that.
The questioner : Yes, yes.
The Shaykh : And therefore, I feel that you are more sensitive than necessary. As long as your mind and your religion tell you that it is impossible for the husband to be infallible, because you, as the wife, are not infallible yourself either.
The questioner : Yes, O Shaykh.
The Shaykh : He may see in you more faults than you see in him. So this should not be paid attention to. The important thing, as I started the answer in the beginning of the answer, isJami` at-Tirmidhi 1085Da'if (Darussalam). So as long as you are satisfied with his religion and his character, leave these whispers aside.
The questioner : Yes.
The Shaykh : This is what I have, and Allah knows best.
The questioner : Yes.
The Shaykh : And I hope for you success and happiness in this world and the Hereafter, and peace be upon you.
The questioner : e : And peace be upon you.
The Shaykh : Please, go ahead.
The questioner: I am, O Shaykh, engaged to a brother, meaning through the Islamic contract and everything, but I do not have peace of mind regarding this brother. Sometimes I feel reassured and sometimes I do not. I do not know if this is from Satan. I do not know, meaning, what should I do?
The Shaykh : Did you apply his saying, (peace be upon him), before the contract?
The questioner: (peace and blessings be upon him).
The Shaykh
When someone whose religion and character you are pleased with proposes to (someone under the care) of one of you, then marry to him.
إذا أتاكم مَن ترضون دينه وخلقه فزوِّجوهThe questioner: Yes, O Shaykh, I applied it.
The Shaykh : Good, so why the whisper then?
The questioner: I mean, there are behaviors on his part. The behaviors are what made me, made me not reassured.
The Shaykh : Yes, his behaviors are contrary to the Shari'ah.
The questioner: Sometimes, sometimes they are contrary to the Shari'ah.
The Shaykh : Like what?
The questioner: For example, he sells clothes, meaning women's clothes, and he knows that it is not permissible, and Allah knows best. What do you say, O Shaykh?
The Shaykh : Did you not know that before?
The questioner: No, he was not working in this job, but in these days he started in this job, meaning.
The Shaykh : What was he working as?
The questioner: He was working as a merchant.
The Shaykh : Your saying "merchant" is a vague term. A merchant could be a cloth merchant, as you said.
The questioner : Yes.
The Shaykh : So in what was he trading?
The questioner: He was trading in foodstuffs and so on, meaning he was not in clothes.
The Shaykh : Good, and why did he leave that trade?
The questioner: Because it was not his own trade; he was working for a brother, a brother of his in Allah.
The Shaykh : And the same question returns: why did he leave this brother in Allah?
The questioner: Allah knows best, I do not know.
The Shaykh : The important thing is, if you are in contact with him—you mentioned that the Islamic contract took place?
The questioner : Yes.
The Shaykh : Good, so if you are in contact with him, advise him.
The questioner: But, O Shaykh, he told me he would leave this job, but that lack of reassurance is always present. I mean, I am afraid he will fall into the same matters. He told me he would leave this job, but this lack of reassurance is still there. I do not know what it is, whether it is from Satan or what?
The Shaykh : By Allah, I do not know what to say; because the witness, as he said, (peace be upon him):
witness and find out what someone who is not there cannot find out
يرى ما لا يرى الغائبThe questioner : Yes.
The Shaykh : And news is not like direct observation.
The questioner : Yes.
The Shaykh : So you are telling me, and you are observing the man and his actions and his behaviors. Therefore, it is supposed that you are more aware of the situation than the one you are informing, who is me. Therefore, I cannot say that what you are telling yourself is from the whispers of Satan or not.
The questioner : Yes.
The Shaykh : But I suggest that you follow up with him with advice before the marriage. Do you have a father or a brother?
The questioner: I do not have a father; my father is deceased.
The Shaykh : Do not say "deceased"; the deceased is Allah.
The questioner : Yes.
The Shaykh : Say "passed away."
The questioner: Yes, may Allah bless you.
The Shaykh : And you. Good, do you have brothers?
The questioner: I have brothers.
The Shaykh : Good, are they religious and committed?
The questioner: No, they are not religious. I am the only one; it is just me and my sister.
The Shaykh : May Allah assist you.
The questioner: And you.
The Shaykh : May Allah assist you.
The questioner: But, O Shaykh, I want to tell you something: there is no affection toward him, meaning, as Allah says, (Glorified and Exalted is He):
and He placed between you affection and mercy
وَجَعَلَ بَيْنَكُمْ مَوَدَّةً وَرَحْمَةًThe Shaykh: There is no power nor strength except with Allah.
The questioner: May Allah bless you, O Shaykh. Give me an answer if you can, because by Allah, I am very worried. I do not know what to do.
The Shaykh : How old is he?
The questioner: Twenty-eight years old.
The Shaykh : And you?
The questioner: Twenty-one years old.
The Shaykh : How long has it been since the contract?
The questioner: Approximately nine months.
The Shaykh : Yes, and in these nine months, do you feel this every day that passes?
The questioner: Yes, sometimes I am reassured and sometimes I am not reassured. This reassurance has been there since we made this contract.
The Shaykh : Good, did you seek guidance from Allah, (Mighty and Majestic), before the contract?
The questioner: Yes, I sought guidance from Him. I mean, every time he talks to me on the phone, my reassurance worsens. I mean, every time he comes to the house or I talk to him on the phone, that reassurance goes away.
The Shaykh : Good, has there been contact between you and him?
The questioner: Yes, there has been contact.
The Shaykh : In the presence of whom?
The questioner: No, I mean on the phone, O Shaykh, on the phone.
The Shaykh : No, no, I am just asking. Not on the phone; physical presence.
The questioner: Yes, he came to the house. He comes, meaning, repeatedly to the house.
The Shaykh : Who was in the house?
The questioner: The mother and my brothers, meaning, not him.
The Shaykh : Good, what is the opinion of the mother and the brothers or sisters? What is their opinion?
The questioner: What is their opinion of him?
The Shaykh : Yes, what is their opinion? What is their feeling?
The questioner: I mean, they say he is a humble person. I mean, they do not say, I mean, they do not say anything about him, I mean, they refer everything to me.
The Shaykh : Is he bearded?
The questioner: Yes, I mean, he is committed, committed to the Shari'ah, I mean.
The Shaykh : Good, now I will tell you something.
The questioner : Yes.
The Shaykh : Do you want a person who is infallible?
The questioner: No, O Shaykh, no. I mean, the thing that worries me is: why is it not as if he is on the Sunnah and on the path of the pious predecessors? Why is there no affection? Why is there not? Since he is, and every time I perform the prayer for guidance, the situation increases, I mean, like this.
The Shaykh : Affection is only realized after the consummation of the marriage, not before that.
The questioner : Yes, yes.
The Shaykh : And therefore, I feel that you are more sensitive than necessary. As long as your mind and your religion tell you that it is impossible for the husband to be infallible, because you, as the wife, are not infallible yourself either.
The questioner : Yes, O Shaykh.
The Shaykh : He may see in you more faults than you see in him. So this should not be paid attention to. The important thing, as I started the answer in the beginning of the answer, is
When someone whose religion and character you are pleased with comes to you then marry (her to) him
إذا جاءكم مَن ترضَون دينه وخلقه فزوِّجوهThe questioner : Yes.
The Shaykh : This is what I have, and Allah knows best.
The questioner : Yes.
The Shaykh : And I hope for you success and happiness in this world and the Hereafter, and peace be upon you.
The questioner : e : And peace be upon you.
Source
www.al-albany.com
The Arabic text is copied verbatim from the original source, without any edits.