Some sisters say that there is no harm in a woman mentioning another woman in her absence by the qualities she possesses, whether those are good character traits or negative ones?
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The questioner : The questioner says: Some sisters say that there is no harm in a woman mentioning another woman in her absence by the qualities she possesses, whether those are good character traits or negative ones?
The Shaykh : As for praising a person in his absence with qualities he actually possesses, that is good and fine. But as for disparaging him with qualities he possesses, that is forbidden (haram) because it is backbiting, and backbiting is one of the major sins. Allah the Exalted has forbidden it in His Book and likened it to the ugliest image, saying (Exalted and Majestic is He):[Al-Hujurat 49:12] The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) was asked about backbiting, and he said: Sunan Abi Dawud 4874Sahih (Al-Albani) Therefore, it is not permissible to describe a person in his absence with what he dislikes, except if it is by way of sincere advice to the one being addressed. In that case, there is no harm in mentioning the qualities he dislikes in order to advise the other person. An example of this is Fatimah bint Qays (may Allah be pleased with her), who consulted the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) regarding three Muslim men who had proposed to her: Abu Jahm, Mu'awiyah, and Usamah ibn Zayd. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him and his family) said: In another narration: Riyad as-Salihin 1533 This refers to his frequent beating of women, indicating that he beats them with a stick, or it refers to the fact that he was a frequent traveler, as travelers, especially in the past when travel was by camel, usually carried a stick. As for Mu'awiyah, the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him and his family) said: Sahih Muslim 1480a Thus, the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him and his family) described Abu Jahm and Mu'awiyah with what they would dislike to be described with, but this falls under the category of sincere advice. Accordingly, the criticisms found in the histories of nations and the books of hadith scholars regarding individuals are to be understood as falling under the category of sincere advice for the sake of Allah, His Book, His Messenger, the leaders of the Muslims, and the general public.
The questioner : May Allah reward you with good.
The Shaykh : As for praising a person in his absence with qualities he actually possesses, that is good and fine. But as for disparaging him with qualities he possesses, that is forbidden (haram) because it is backbiting, and backbiting is one of the major sins. Allah the Exalted has forbidden it in His Book and likened it to the ugliest image, saying (Exalted and Majestic is He):
or backbite each other. Would one of you like to eat the flesh of his brother when dead? You would detest it.
وَلا يَغْتَبْ بَعْضُكُمْ بَعْضًا أَيُحِبُّ أَحَدُكُمْ أَنْ يَأْكُلَ لَحْمَ أَخِيهِ مَيْتًا فَكَرِهْتُمُوهُIt is saying something about your brother which he would dislike
هي ذكرك أخاك بما يكرهAs for Abu Jahm, he is a beater of women.
أما أبو جهم فضرَّاب للنساءis very hard on women
فلا يضع العصا عن عاتقهas for Mu'awiya, he is a poor man having no property; marry Usama b. Zaid
فأما معاوية فصعلوك لا مال له، انكحي أسامة بن زيدThe questioner : May Allah reward you with good.