What are the causes that lead to divorce, which is the most detested of lawful things to Allah, and what are the ways of salvation from it?
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The questioner : This listener, Ahmad Abd al-Rahman, says: “May the Shaykh be respected, divorce is undoubtedly behind it causes and motives, and it is the most detested of lawful things to Allah. It is observed that cases of divorce are spreading widely. Would you please, may the Shaykh be respected, shed light on the points that cause or lead to divorce and the ways of salvation from it? May you be rewarded.”
The Shaykh : Yes. Divorce is undoubtedly not beloved to Allah, and Allah the Exalted and Exalted has commanded patience with the woman, and He said:[An-Nisa 4:19] And He said regarding those who take oaths to abstain from their wives: [Al-Baqarah 2:226-227] So reflect on how He distinguished between the return (fi'ah), which is returning to one’s family, and the determination of divorce. He said regarding the first: [Al-Baqarah 2:226] And He said regarding the second: [Al-Baqarah 2:227] This indicates that divorce is not beloved to Allah Mighty and Majestic, and it is so because of the separation that occurs after intimacy. Perhaps there are children between the spouses, so the children become separated and their minds are scattered. Perhaps this divorce becomes a cause of enmity between the husband and the woman’s family, and between the woman and the husband, among other harms that occur through divorce.
Therefore, a person should not divorce except in the case of extreme necessity where he cannot bear to remain with his wife. Then, some people get angry when their wife says to them, “Divorce me,” or “If you are a man, divorce me,” or “I challenge you to divorce me.” They get angry and then hasten to divorce. This is not befitting for a man. A man should be strong, have a firm temperament, and not be affected by such words from a woman. Perhaps at that moment, remaining and parting are equal in her eyes, but she regrets it later with the greatest regret. If your wife challenges you to divorce, or says “Divorce me,” or something similar, leave her; do not divorce her and do not get angry at this. If you see that she may control you and be stronger than you in demanding divorce, go out of the house until her anger subsides and she returns to her calm. My advice to husbands is not to hasten in divorce, but to be deliberate. Then, let a person remember the good companionship that was between him and his wife. Let him also remember that it is not easy to find a wife if he divorces this one. Perhaps people will turn away from him if they see him marrying and divorcing, marrying and divorcing, so they will not marry him off, even if he is of good character and religion.
As for the questioner’s statement that divorce is the most detested of lawful things to Allah, this is a weak hadith narrated from the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him), but it is weak. There is something in its text, meaning in the wording of the hadith, because his saying that “divorce is the most detested of lawful things to Allah” implies that lawful things are detested to Allah. If they were detested to Allah, they would not be lawful, because whatever is detested to Allah, its least state is that it is forbidden. So this hadith is not authentic from the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him and his family).
The questioner : O Allah, send prayers and peace upon our Prophet Muhammad.
The Shaykh : Yes. Divorce is undoubtedly not beloved to Allah, and Allah the Exalted and Exalted has commanded patience with the woman, and He said:
For if you dislike them - perhaps you dislike a thing and Allah makes therein much good.
فَإِن كَرِهتُموهُنَّ فَعَسى أَن تَكرَهوا شَيئًا وَيَجعَلَ اللَّهُ فيهِ خَيرًا كَثيرًا(226) For those who swear not to have sexual relations with their wives is a waiting time of four months, but if they return [to normal relations] - then indeed, Allah is Forgiving and Merciful. (227) And if they decide on divorce - then indeed, Allah is Hearing and Knowing.
لِلَّذينَ يُؤلونَ مِن نِسائِهِم تَرَبُّصُ أَربَعَةِ أَشهُرٍ فَإِن فاءوا فَإِنَّ اللَّهَ غَفورٌ رَحيمٌ * وَإِن عَزَمُوا الطَّلاقَ فَإِنَّ اللَّهَ سَميعٌ عَليمٌbut if they return [to normal relations] - then indeed, Allah is Forgiving and Merciful.
فَإِن فاءوا فَإِنَّ اللَّهَ غَفورٌ رَحيمٌAnd if they decide on divorce - then indeed, Allah is Hearing and Knowing.
وإن عزموا الطلاق فإن الله سميع عليمTherefore, a person should not divorce except in the case of extreme necessity where he cannot bear to remain with his wife. Then, some people get angry when their wife says to them, “Divorce me,” or “If you are a man, divorce me,” or “I challenge you to divorce me.” They get angry and then hasten to divorce. This is not befitting for a man. A man should be strong, have a firm temperament, and not be affected by such words from a woman. Perhaps at that moment, remaining and parting are equal in her eyes, but she regrets it later with the greatest regret. If your wife challenges you to divorce, or says “Divorce me,” or something similar, leave her; do not divorce her and do not get angry at this. If you see that she may control you and be stronger than you in demanding divorce, go out of the house until her anger subsides and she returns to her calm. My advice to husbands is not to hasten in divorce, but to be deliberate. Then, let a person remember the good companionship that was between him and his wife. Let him also remember that it is not easy to find a wife if he divorces this one. Perhaps people will turn away from him if they see him marrying and divorcing, marrying and divorcing, so they will not marry him off, even if he is of good character and religion.
As for the questioner’s statement that divorce is the most detested of lawful things to Allah, this is a weak hadith narrated from the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him), but it is weak. There is something in its text, meaning in the wording of the hadith, because his saying that “divorce is the most detested of lawful things to Allah” implies that lawful things are detested to Allah. If they were detested to Allah, they would not be lawful, because whatever is detested to Allah, its least state is that it is forbidden. So this hadith is not authentic from the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him and his family).
The questioner : O Allah, send prayers and peace upon our Prophet Muhammad.