What is the ruling on being polite with colleagues?
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The questioner : May Allah reward you, O Shaykh. What is the ruling on being polite sometimes with some words that come from colleagues at work or elsewhere?
The Shaykh : Like what?
The questioner : For example, O Shaykh, suppose you are a man with a beard, and he says to his shaven brother: "Sit with us. You see, these people are not extremists or something like that."
The Shaykh : This, may Allah reward you, is *madarati* (tactful dealing). It is *madarati* to deal with people of open sinfulness in the hope that Allah will guide them. There is nothing wrong with that.
As for *mudahanah* (compromise) where you say: "I will shave my beard, and you shave your beard, and each of us follows his own way," this is not permissible. It means: "Do not tell me what to do, and I will not tell you what to do." This is *mudahanah* that is not permissible.
As for *madarati* in the sense that I am polite with him in the hope that Allah will guide him, because some people, if you deal with them harshly regarding a sin, they persist in it, but if you deal with them gently, they may respond.
Several people told me about an incident that happened. He said: There was a worker—he was not a clay worker, he worked on the *sawani* (water channels). Do you know the *sawani* from before? There were workers there driving camels, donkeys, and cattle. At sunset, one of the brothers passed by. The worker, as you know, was tired from the bad smell and from driving the camels or donkeys, and he had a long stick with which he beat the *sawani*. The men were tired all day, and this worker was singing. You know, singing energizes a person, and it also energizes the animals, even the camels in the *hadu* (chanting), what Allah willed, they would bray. Yes.
The student: ...
The Shaykh : Yes, so this man had zeal, he spoke to him, and said to him: "What is wrong with you?" and cursed him with things I do not like to mention now. He said: "The voice of the Rahman (the Merciful) with the voice of Satan? What is the voice of the Rahman? The adhan (call to prayer), with his voice."
The worker said, look, the worker meant he was about to explode. He said: "Either you leave me alone, or I will break your head with this..." and he refused to leave. So the worker was stubborn and said: "Go and pray, you have no business with me." Then this man, who is a person of good, went to the Shaykh—his name was given to me, but there is no need for the name. He said: "O Shaykh, I passed by such-and-such a place, and I advised the worker, and he said to me: such-and-such." He said... and then he said.The Shaykh : Leave him, and I will, if Allah wills, look into his case.
So the Shaykh went to him the next day at sunset, and found him singing, relieving himself a bit, and driving the *sawani*. The Shaykh leaned his stick and put his *mishlah* (cloak) on it. You know that people used to do this in the past. He came and greeted him with a normal and reassuring greeting: "As-salamu alaykum." "Wa alaykum as-salam." Oh, "Qaww!" (a word of encouragement). What is "Qaww"? It is "Qaww" for the singing, "Qaww" for... When the Shaykh said this, his chest opened up. The Shaykh left and performed wudu, and came to the worker. He said: "Do you not perform wudu to pray? The adhan was just now, it is time." He said: "What are you saying?" He said: "This is what I am saying..." He said: "May Allah reward you with good. By Allah, a man passed by me yesterday and started cursing, and said, and did, and left, except I said: 'O Shaykh, may Allah prolong your life. By Allah, I did not leave from here... I would break your head with this.'" He said: "O son of the noble!"[Al-Furqan 25:63]
The Shaykh went to pray. The man left his work, performed wudu, and caught up with the Shaykh. So the Shaykh turned around after the taslim, and there he was completing a rak'ah, and he did not say anything to him.
On the second night, the Shaykh did not go to perform wudu or anything. The matter was over. He found that this worker had not missed any of the prayer. Subhan Allah! Why? Because he called him with gentleness and softness.
And this is very important in the aspect of da'wah (calling others to Islam), not to be harsh. Allah said to the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him):[Ali 'Imran 3:159] What? [Ali 'Imran 3:159] Subhan Allah! This is what Allah (Mighty and Majestic) says to the best of creation.
We ask Allah to make us and you successful in wisdom:[Al-Baqarah 2:269].
The Shaykh : Like what?
The questioner : For example, O Shaykh, suppose you are a man with a beard, and he says to his shaven brother: "Sit with us. You see, these people are not extremists or something like that."
The Shaykh : This, may Allah reward you, is *madarati* (tactful dealing). It is *madarati* to deal with people of open sinfulness in the hope that Allah will guide them. There is nothing wrong with that.
As for *mudahanah* (compromise) where you say: "I will shave my beard, and you shave your beard, and each of us follows his own way," this is not permissible. It means: "Do not tell me what to do, and I will not tell you what to do." This is *mudahanah* that is not permissible.
As for *madarati* in the sense that I am polite with him in the hope that Allah will guide him, because some people, if you deal with them harshly regarding a sin, they persist in it, but if you deal with them gently, they may respond.
Several people told me about an incident that happened. He said: There was a worker—he was not a clay worker, he worked on the *sawani* (water channels). Do you know the *sawani* from before? There were workers there driving camels, donkeys, and cattle. At sunset, one of the brothers passed by. The worker, as you know, was tired from the bad smell and from driving the camels or donkeys, and he had a long stick with which he beat the *sawani*. The men were tired all day, and this worker was singing. You know, singing energizes a person, and it also energizes the animals, even the camels in the *hadu* (chanting), what Allah willed, they would bray. Yes.
The student: ...
The Shaykh : Yes, so this man had zeal, he spoke to him, and said to him: "What is wrong with you?" and cursed him with things I do not like to mention now. He said: "The voice of the Rahman (the Merciful) with the voice of Satan? What is the voice of the Rahman? The adhan (call to prayer), with his voice."
The worker said, look, the worker meant he was about to explode. He said: "Either you leave me alone, or I will break your head with this..." and he refused to leave. So the worker was stubborn and said: "Go and pray, you have no business with me." Then this man, who is a person of good, went to the Shaykh—his name was given to me, but there is no need for the name. He said: "O Shaykh, I passed by such-and-such a place, and I advised the worker, and he said to me: such-and-such." He said... and then he said.The Shaykh : Leave him, and I will, if Allah wills, look into his case.
So the Shaykh went to him the next day at sunset, and found him singing, relieving himself a bit, and driving the *sawani*. The Shaykh leaned his stick and put his *mishlah* (cloak) on it. You know that people used to do this in the past. He came and greeted him with a normal and reassuring greeting: "As-salamu alaykum." "Wa alaykum as-salam." Oh, "Qaww!" (a word of encouragement). What is "Qaww"? It is "Qaww" for the singing, "Qaww" for... When the Shaykh said this, his chest opened up. The Shaykh left and performed wudu, and came to the worker. He said: "Do you not perform wudu to pray? The adhan was just now, it is time." He said: "What are you saying?" He said: "This is what I am saying..." He said: "May Allah reward you with good. By Allah, a man passed by me yesterday and started cursing, and said, and did, and left, except I said: 'O Shaykh, may Allah prolong your life. By Allah, I did not leave from here... I would break your head with this.'" He said: "O son of the noble!"
and when the ignorant address them [harshly], they say [words of] peace,
وَإِذَا خَاطَبَهُمْ الْجَاهِلُونَ قَالُوا سَلاماًThe Shaykh went to pray. The man left his work, performed wudu, and caught up with the Shaykh. So the Shaykh turned around after the taslim, and there he was completing a rak'ah, and he did not say anything to him.
On the second night, the Shaykh did not go to perform wudu or anything. The matter was over. He found that this worker had not missed any of the prayer. Subhan Allah! Why? Because he called him with gentleness and softness.
And this is very important in the aspect of da'wah (calling others to Islam), not to be harsh. Allah said to the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him):
So by mercy from Allah
فَبِمَا رَحْمَةٍ مِنْ اللَّهِyou were lenient with them. And if you had been rude [in speech] and harsh in heart, they would have disbanded from about you. So pardon them and ask forgiveness for them and consult them in the matter
لِنْتَ لَهُمْ وَلَوْ كُنْتَ فَظّاً غَلِيظَ الْقَلْبِ لانْفَضُّوا مِنْ حَوْلِكَ فَاعْفُ عَنْهُمْ وَاسْتَغْفِرْ لَهُمْ وَشَاوِرْهُمْ فِي الأَمْرِWe ask Allah to make us and you successful in wisdom: