The Book of Marriage, Breastfeeding, Divorce, Mutual Oath-Swearing, and Manumission-02b
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The reciter: Ubayd Allah ibn 'Umar ibn Maysarah al-Qawariri narrated to us, saying: Khalid ibn al-Harith narrated to us, saying: Hisham narrated from Yahya ibn Abi Kathir, saying: Abu Salama narrated to us, saying: Abu Hurayrah narrated that the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) said: Sahih Muslim 1419a.
The Shaykh : His saying (peace and blessings be upon him), "Do not marry off a widow," means do not contract her marriage. A widow is one who has lost her husband, and this implies that she is generally a previously married woman, though she may not be; however, the intended meaning is a previously married widow. "Until you seek her opinion" means you must ask for her consent. It is not sufficient to say, "We will marry you to so-and-so," and have her remain silent; she must say "yes." As for a virgin, her silence is sufficient, because he said, "and do not marry off a virgin until you seek her permission." They asked, "How is her permission?" Because a virgin is generally shy; she is shy to say, "Marry me, and I agree," or the like. He said, "Her permission is her silence." If it is said, "We will marry you to so-and-so," and she remains silent, that is sufficient. However, when seeking the opinion of a previously married woman or the permission of a virgin, it is obligatory to mention the husband in a way that allows her to know him. It is not sufficient to say, "We will marry you to so-and-so, and so-and-so is what?" She might be shy to ask, "Who is this man? What is his work? What is his knowledge? What is his worship? What is his character?" She is shy. But it is obligatory to seek her permission and explain the husband to her in a way that allows her to know him, so that she is on what? On clear knowledge. Now, if it is said, "Is it not sufficient to say to his daughter, 'My daughter, I will marry you to so-and-so, do you desire it?' and she says, 'Yes, I am entrusting this to you'?" We say there is no harm if she entrusts it to him. Otherwise, from the beginning, he must say, "So-and-so has proposed to you; his character is such and such, his religion is such and such, his character is such and such, his wealth is such and such," so that she enters the matter with clear knowledge. Now, his saying (peace and blessings be upon him), "Her permission is her silence": if she spoke in agreement, saying, "Do you want us to marry you to so-and-so?" and she said, "Yes, this is a good man, I have heard he is a good man, a student of knowledge, of good character, wealthy," and so on, if a virgin says this, is it considered permission? According to Ibn Hazm, no. Ibn Hazm says this is not permission. What do we do? He says, "Repeat the seeking of permission a second time." We repeated it, and she repeated and emphasized, adding sentences to what came before! We say it is not valid; she must remain silent. And at that point, we say to her mother, who is beside her while we are presenting the marriage proposal, "Tell her to be silent." If she remains silent at that time, she has given permission. This adherence to the apparent meaning to this extent resembles his saying (may Allah have mercy on him): "If a person sacrifices a two-year-old sheep, it is not sufficient, but if he sacrifices a one-year-old sheep, it is sufficient". Because the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) saidSunan al-Bayhaqi 17:117. So, a one-year-old sheep is acceptable, but a two-year-old sheep, in his opinion (may Allah have mercy on him), is not sufficient, because the text is about what? About the one-year-old sheep. And this is fitting for his apparentist methodology (may Allah have mercy on him). Although we consider his opinion to be more correct than others in some cases, in this issue, there is no doubt that he is wrong. Allah is the Greatest! It is permissible to sacrifice a one-year-old sheep, but not a two-year-old!! So, for a virgin woman, silence is the permission, and if she speaks, it is not considered valid permission!! Now, the apparent meaning of the hadith is that it includes the father and non-fathers, and that it is not permissible for a father to marry off his virgin daughter except after what? After her permission. If she refuses, it is forbidden for him to marry her off. If someone asks, "Did not Abu Bakr (may Allah be pleased with him) marry off 'A'ishah when she was nine years old without seeking her permission?" We say, is it possible for a rational person who knows the Mother of the Believers (may Allah be pleased with her) to imagine that she would refuse marriage to the Messenger? Answer.
The students: Never.
The Shaykh : It is never possible. Is the suitor like the Messenger? Is the bride like 'A'ishah? Is the guardian like Abu Bakr? All of this is negated. Therefore, there is no proof whatsoever in the fact that the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) married 'A'ishah, who was a virgin, without her father seeking her permission, because her father knew that she would not refuse this proposal at all.
A woman without a husband (or divorced or a widow) must not be married until she is consulted, and a virgin must not be married until her permission is sought. They asked the Prophet of Allah (ﷺ): How her (virgin's) consent can be solicited? He (the Holy Prophet) said: That she keeps silence.
لا تنكح الأيم حتى تستأمر ولا تنكح البكر حتى تستأذن قالوا: يا رسول الله وكيف إذنها؟ قال: أن تسكتThe Shaykh : His saying (peace and blessings be upon him), "Do not marry off a widow," means do not contract her marriage. A widow is one who has lost her husband, and this implies that she is generally a previously married woman, though she may not be; however, the intended meaning is a previously married widow. "Until you seek her opinion" means you must ask for her consent. It is not sufficient to say, "We will marry you to so-and-so," and have her remain silent; she must say "yes." As for a virgin, her silence is sufficient, because he said, "and do not marry off a virgin until you seek her permission." They asked, "How is her permission?" Because a virgin is generally shy; she is shy to say, "Marry me, and I agree," or the like. He said, "Her permission is her silence." If it is said, "We will marry you to so-and-so," and she remains silent, that is sufficient. However, when seeking the opinion of a previously married woman or the permission of a virgin, it is obligatory to mention the husband in a way that allows her to know him. It is not sufficient to say, "We will marry you to so-and-so, and so-and-so is what?" She might be shy to ask, "Who is this man? What is his work? What is his knowledge? What is his worship? What is his character?" She is shy. But it is obligatory to seek her permission and explain the husband to her in a way that allows her to know him, so that she is on what? On clear knowledge. Now, if it is said, "Is it not sufficient to say to his daughter, 'My daughter, I will marry you to so-and-so, do you desire it?' and she says, 'Yes, I am entrusting this to you'?" We say there is no harm if she entrusts it to him. Otherwise, from the beginning, he must say, "So-and-so has proposed to you; his character is such and such, his religion is such and such, his character is such and such, his wealth is such and such," so that she enters the matter with clear knowledge. Now, his saying (peace and blessings be upon him), "Her permission is her silence": if she spoke in agreement, saying, "Do you want us to marry you to so-and-so?" and she said, "Yes, this is a good man, I have heard he is a good man, a student of knowledge, of good character, wealthy," and so on, if a virgin says this, is it considered permission? According to Ibn Hazm, no. Ibn Hazm says this is not permission. What do we do? He says, "Repeat the seeking of permission a second time." We repeated it, and she repeated and emphasized, adding sentences to what came before! We say it is not valid; she must remain silent. And at that point, we say to her mother, who is beside her while we are presenting the marriage proposal, "Tell her to be silent." If she remains silent at that time, she has given permission. This adherence to the apparent meaning to this extent resembles his saying (may Allah have mercy on him): "If a person sacrifices a two-year-old sheep, it is not sufficient, but if he sacrifices a one-year-old sheep, it is sufficient". Because the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said
Unless it is difficult for you, then slaughter a one-year-old sheep.
إلا أن تعسر عليكم فتذبحوا جدعة من الضأنDo not marry off a widow
لا تنكح الأيمThe students: Never.
The Shaykh : It is never possible. Is the suitor like the Messenger? Is the bride like 'A'ishah? Is the guardian like Abu Bakr? All of this is negated. Therefore, there is no proof whatsoever in the fact that the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) married 'A'ishah, who was a virgin, without her father seeking her permission, because her father knew that she would not refuse this proposal at all.