The Ruling on Lying to Reconcile Relatives
Machine translationRead the Arabic original
Question:
I am forced to lie in order to reconcile my family and my husband. What is your guidance?
Answer:
There is no harm in lying for the sake of reconciliation; in fact, the one who reconciles is rewarded even if he lies. This is based on what is established from the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) that he said:Al-Adab Al-Mufrad 385 He called him not a liar. So, the one who reconciles between people, whether between two disputing men, or between two tribes, or within a family, if he lies in a way that harms no one, but rather benefits the family and brings about reconciliation among them, there is no blame on him for that.
So, if you lie to your family, saying that your husband prays for them, praises them, and wishes them well, and you lie to him, saying, "My father prays for you, praises you, and loves you, and my mother, my sisters, and my brothers do the same," until you reconcile them in a way that contains no evil, there is no harm in that. You are rewarded for this.
However, if the reconciliation involves something forbidden, no, if the reconciliation among them is such that they forgive him for abandoning prayer, or for abandoning intoxicants, or the like, this is not permissible. You have no right to mediate in this. Rather, they must disapprove of him. They must disapprove of his abandoning prayer, his drinking intoxicants, his smoking, his shaving his beard, and his letting his garments hang below the ankles. They are rewarded for this, and you are with them. Assist him if your husband falls short in these matters; advise him and do not remain silent. This is not a place for reconciliation, but rather a place for disapproval. They disapprove of him, and you are with them, but with good manners and kind words. That is, you make it clear to him that letting garments hang below the ankles is forbidden, and that it is obligatory for a man to have his garments reach the ankles, not going below them. This is what the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said:Sunan an-Nasa'i 5331Sahih (Darussalam) Al-Bukhari narrated it in his Sahih. And he (peace and blessings be upon him) said: And he (peace and blessings be upon him) said: Sunan Abi Dawud 4087Sahih (Al-Albani) So he included it with these, which indicates the ugliness of letting garments hang below the ankles. It is one of the causes of arrogance, vanity, and self-importance. Therefore, in the authentic hadith, he (peace and blessings be upon him) said: Jami` at-Tirmidhi 1731Sahih (Darussalam) But this is not a condition. If he says, "I am not doing it out of vanity," he is not obeyed. He is ordered to raise his garments. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said to Abu Bakr when he said, "O Messenger of Allah, my lower garment slips off me unless I hold it in place," he said: Sunan Abi Dawud 4085Sahih (Al-Albani) The Prophet’s (peace and blessings be upon him) intention was that al-Siddiq is not one who does it out of vanity, but rather his garment, his lower garment, slips off him at times, and he adjusts it.
So, you are the same. If you are not one of those who are vain, but rather your lower garment may come undone, and then you hold it, protect it, and fix it, there is nothing on you. But if you drag your garments in front of people, and if they ask you... you say, "I did not intend vanity." Who says this to you? Who knows your heart while you do what Allah has forbidden? You are accused of vanity. And even if you were sincere, you have committed a wrong by letting your garments hang below the ankles, exposing them to dirt and impurities, and opposing the pure Shari'ah by placing them below the ankles. Then it is extravagance with no need for it. So, you have committed a wrong from multiple angles. And so, if the husband consumes intoxicants, or consumes other things... upon him, your father or your brother should do that and advise him. So, reconciliation between them in this matter has the aspect of reconciliation.
So, it is obligatory that you and your family seek help from Allah against him, and advise him with good manners and kind guidance. Do not forgive him for consuming intoxicants, or for being negligent in prayer, or the like. May Allah grant success to everyone.
The presenter: O Allah, amen. May Allah reward you with good.
I am forced to lie in order to reconcile my family and my husband. What is your guidance?
Answer:
There is no harm in lying for the sake of reconciliation; in fact, the one who reconciles is rewarded even if he lies. This is based on what is established from the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) that he said:
Someone who makes peace between people by saying something good or relates something good is not a liar.
ليس الكذاب الذي يصلح بين الناس، فيقول خيرًا، وينمي خيرًاSo, if you lie to your family, saying that your husband prays for them, praises them, and wishes them well, and you lie to him, saying, "My father prays for you, praises you, and loves you, and my mother, my sisters, and my brothers do the same," until you reconcile them in a way that contains no evil, there is no harm in that. You are rewarded for this.
However, if the reconciliation involves something forbidden, no, if the reconciliation among them is such that they forgive him for abandoning prayer, or for abandoning intoxicants, or the like, this is not permissible. You have no right to mediate in this. Rather, they must disapprove of him. They must disapprove of his abandoning prayer, his drinking intoxicants, his smoking, his shaving his beard, and his letting his garments hang below the ankles. They are rewarded for this, and you are with them. Assist him if your husband falls short in these matters; advise him and do not remain silent. This is not a place for reconciliation, but rather a place for disapproval. They disapprove of him, and you are with them, but with good manners and kind words. That is, you make it clear to him that letting garments hang below the ankles is forbidden, and that it is obligatory for a man to have his garments reach the ankles, not going below them. This is what the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said:
Whatever of the Izar comes below the ankles is in the Fire.
ما أسفل من الكعبين من الإزار فهو في النارBeware of letting the garment hang, for it is of arrogance
إياك والإسبال فإنه من المخيلةNarrated Abu Dharr: The Prophet (ﷺ) as saying: There are three to whom Allah will not speak and at whom He will not look on the Day of Resurrection, and whom He will not declare pure, and they will have a painful punishment. I asked: Who are they, Messenger of Allah, they are losers and disappointed ? He repeated it three times. I asked: Who are they. Messenger of Allah, they are losers and disappointed ? He replied: The one who wears a trailing robe, the one who takes account of what he gives, and the one who produces a ready sale of a commodity by false swearing.
ثلاثة لا يكلمهم الله، ولا ينظر إليهم يوم القيامة، ولا يزكيهم، ولهم عذاب أليم: المسبل إزاره، والمنان فيما أعطى، والمنفق سلعته بالحلف الكاذبWhoever arrogantly drags his garment, Allah will not look at him on the Day of Judgement.
من جر ثوبه خيلاء لم ينظر الله إليه يوم القيامةYou are not one of those who do so conceitedly.
لست ممن يفعله خيلاءSo, you are the same. If you are not one of those who are vain, but rather your lower garment may come undone, and then you hold it, protect it, and fix it, there is nothing on you. But if you drag your garments in front of people, and if they ask you... you say, "I did not intend vanity." Who says this to you? Who knows your heart while you do what Allah has forbidden? You are accused of vanity. And even if you were sincere, you have committed a wrong by letting your garments hang below the ankles, exposing them to dirt and impurities, and opposing the pure Shari'ah by placing them below the ankles. Then it is extravagance with no need for it. So, you have committed a wrong from multiple angles. And so, if the husband consumes intoxicants, or consumes other things... upon him, your father or your brother should do that and advise him. So, reconciliation between them in this matter has the aspect of reconciliation.
So, it is obligatory that you and your family seek help from Allah against him, and advise him with good manners and kind guidance. Do not forgive him for consuming intoxicants, or for being negligent in prayer, or the like. May Allah grant success to everyone.
The presenter: O Allah, amen. May Allah reward you with good.
Source
binbaz.org.sa
The Arabic text is copied verbatim from the original source, without any edits.