The Ruling on the Statement That the Dead Person Knows Who Visits Him

Question:
A message was sent from Iraq by one of the sisters from there, saying: Umm Dawud asks and says: Does the deceased person know what is happening in his family's home? And does he see his family when they visit him in the cemetery?
I am the mother of a martyr, and I cry a lot and visit him every Thursday in the cemetery and feed the poor. I do not know how to read the Qur'an because I do not know how to read, but I recite Surat al-Fatihah and some of the short surahs. I do not pray, and I want to see my son in a dream but I cannot, so what should I do?

Answer:
What is prescribed for you is to make du'a' for him if he died a Muslim—he was killed a Muslim—making du'a' for him, sending blessings upon him, and giving charity on his behalf. This benefits him greatly.
As for visiting, you are not permitted to visit. The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) forbade women from visiting graves, and he (peace and blessings be upon him) said: He intended this for the men, as for the women, it is established from him that he cursed the women who visit graves.
So it is obligatory for you not to visit him in the cemetery, but rather to make du'a' for him in your home and in every place for forgiveness and mercy, and to give charity on his behalf if you are able to give charity, and you are in a good state if Allah wills, but as for visiting, no.
And it is also upon you to pray, it is upon you to fear Allah and to pray; for the prayer is the pillar of Islam. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said: The prayer is the pillar of Islam, and its matter is great. And Allah says about it, Glorified and Exalted is He, in His great book, the Qur'an: (meaning: the time) [al-Baqarah:238] And He says, Glorified and Exalted is He, in His great book: [al-Nur:56].
So it is obligatory for you to establish the prayer at its time: the midday prayer four [rak'ahs]... the afternoon prayer four [rak'ahs]... the sunset prayer three [rak'ahs]... the night prayer four [rak'ahs]... the dawn prayer two [rak'ahs]. This is what is obligatory upon you and upon every Muslim, and whoever abandons it commits disbelief, and there is no power and no strength except with Allah.
So it is obligatory for you to repent to Allah for what has passed, and to face your time with prayer and maintaining the religion of Allah, and to ask the people of knowledge about what is difficult for you in your religion, or through this program by correspondence, and you will find, if Allah wills, in this program what is sufficient and satisfying.
As for the matter of the deceased's family, that he is informed of the conditions of his family and knows their news, there is no evidence for this. Some people have said it in some of their visions, and they claimed that they see some of their dead and that they inform them of some of what may happen, but this is not to be relied upon. Sleep visions are not to be relied upon in matters of the knowledge of the unseen. But the believer should strive to be kind to his dead, whether they know or do not know. He should strive to make du'a' for them, send blessings upon them, and give charity on their behalf.
The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) was asked, and a man said to him: O Messenger of Allah! Is there any of the dutifulness to my parents remaining by which I can be dutiful to them after their death? He said: -meaning: their lawful bequests- So making du'a' for the dead, seeking forgiveness for them, sending blessings upon them, and giving charity on their behalf, all of this benefits him in his life and after his death.
As for their knowing of the visitor, this is also a matter of consideration. It has come in some hadiths that he (peace and blessings be upon him) said: Ibn 'Abd al-Barr and Ibn Abi al-Dunya narrated it with a good chain from the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) that he said: .
So the result is that whether he knows you or does not know you, whether the visitor is known or not known, the important thing is that he visits him and makes du'a' for him. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said: So the important thing is that it benefits the living, and helps him to remember the Hereafter and remember death so that he prepares to meet Allah, and it benefits the dead from the side that the visitor makes du'a' for him and sends blessings upon him. So in visiting graves, there are benefits for both the living and the dead. He visits them, greets them, and makes du'a' for them, then he leaves. He does not rub against their graves, nor does he pray at their graves, nor does he ask Allah by them, but he makes du'a' for them, saying: (O Allah, forgive them, O Allah, have mercy on them).
The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) taught his companions when they visited graves to say: And in another hadith: He (peace and blessings be upon him) makes du'a' for them, and his Ummah follows his example, so they make du'a' for the dead and ask Allah for them for forgiveness and well-being, and this is what is prescribed. And this is sufficient for the believer to do what Allah has prescribed and to stand at the limit of the Shari'ah. Yes.

The presenter: May Allah reward you with good.