Ruling on raising the voice and slapping the cheeks upon death

Question:
The questioner: A question from a woman, Your Eminence, in which she says: My mother does not know how to read or write, and I am writing this question to you on her behalf. When she goes to the relatives of the deceased among our kin, when she arrives at their place, she screams at the top of her voice, and slaps her cheeks and her chest, and sometimes, when the person is close to her, she rolls in the dust and tears her clothes. We advise her often, but the advice does not benefit her. She says: "It is not just me; all women are like this, and this has been the case for a long time. Do you want to change the times? This is something imposed on us women." She says that too.
The questioner: And when we advise her, she says: "How do I know that what you are saying is the truth? It might be a lie. Send a question to the program (Nur 'ala al-Darb) so that the truth may be distinguished from falsehood. And when I hear the answer, I will repent to Allah (Exalted and Majestic is He) and know that I was committing a great sin, and I will seek forgiveness from Allah, the Most High, the Great, for He is Forgiving of those who repent and turn back, and I will acknowledge my sin."
The questioner: I hope you will be kind enough to clarify this matter and give it your utmost attention. May Allah reward you with good.

Answer:
The Shaykh: There is no doubt that slapping the cheeks, tearing clothes, raising the voice with wailing, and rolling in the dust, or throwing dust on the head, all of this is among the abominations, all of it is forbidden in times of calamity. The Messenger (peace and blessings be upon him) prohibited all of this, and he made clear in it what is sufficient and satisfying, where he said (peace and blessings be upon him): And he said (peace and blessings be upon him): .
The Shaykh: The wailer is the one who raises her voice at a calamity, the one who shaves her head is the one who shaves her hair, and the one who tears is the one who tears her clothes. And there are many hadiths in this meaning, all of which indicate the prohibition of these actions; because they indicate despair and a lack of patience.
The Shaykh: And the obligatory duty for the believer in times of calamity is patience and seeking reward, and not displaying what indicates despair. And Allah says: [Al-Anfal: 46] And He says, Exalted is He: [Az-Zumar: 10] And when the son of one of the daughters of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) was on his deathbed, she sent to him and asked for his presence. He said to her messenger: So she sent to him again to insist that he come. He was compassionate and merciful (peace and blessings be upon him), he cared for the close ones and the poor, and he cared for his companions and was gentle with them, and he had mercy on them.
The Shaykh: So he stood up (peace and blessings be upon him) and went to his daughter. They presented the child to him, and his soul was gasping to leave. When he saw him, he saw the signs of death; his eyes (peace and blessings be upon him) shed tears of weeping. He was asked about that, and he said: .
The Shaykh: So weeping that is not accompanied by voice is permissible, tears of the eye are permissible, it is mercy that Allah places in the hearts of whom He wills of His servants, so she is affected when she is present with the deceased, and when she sees the dying of the deceased. But she is not allowed to do what Allah has forbidden of wailing, raising the voice, or tearing the clothes, or slapping the cheek, or shaving the hair or cutting it, or what is similar to that which indicates despair and a lack of patience. And so is bad speech and invoking calamity and destruction, all of it is prohibited. And the dispensation is only in the tears of the eye, without voice, and without tearing clothes, or slapping the cheek, or shaving hair, or what is similar to that.
The Shaykh: And you and those with you, it is upon you to convey to the mother, and to advise her, and perhaps she will hear this speech; so she will benefit from it -if Allah wills- perhaps she will hear, so that the intended result is achieved for her of staying away from what Allah has forbidden, and patience with what Allah has decreed. And the patient have a great status, and they have a great virtue, until Allah, Exalted is He, said: [Az-Zumar: 10] And Allah says: [An-Nahl: 127] And the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) encouraged patience in many hadiths, and he made it desirable, and he said (peace and blessings be upon him): .
The Shaykh: And patience includes three things: patience in obedience to Allah, patience from the sins of Allah, and patience in calamities: from the death of a relative, and the occurrence of illness, or the like of that. So the believer is like this, patient, patient in the acts of obedience until he performs them, patient from the sins until he avoids them, patient in calamities until he does not do what Allah has forbidden, from tearing clothes, or slapping the cheek, or the like of that. We ask Allah for guidance. Yes.

The presenter: O Allah, amen. May Allah reward you with good. The reality, Your Eminence, the picture that our sister mentions is an affecting picture in my view, and the most affecting thing is: that they considered this program a primary reference to follow the path of truth, and this is a status that makes us strive in the way of serving this program.

The Shaykh: Without a doubt, praise be to Allah, this is from the blessings of Allah, and praise be to Allah. We ask Allah to grant success to those in charge of it for all good, and to make them beneficial to the servants and the lands, and to guide their steps, and to grant them hitting the truth. And without a doubt it is beneficial and useful, and those who listen to it testify to that. So we ask Allah to grant success to those in charge of it for patience and perseverance, and hitting the truth.

The presenter: O Allah, amen. We ask Allah to make it sincere for His face.

The Shaykh: O Allah, amen.