Ruling on the one who says to his wife: “You are forbidden to me if you do not do such-and-such”

This is a message we received from the questioner (Z. A. M.) from the Arab Republic of Egypt, residing in the Kingdom in Tabuk. He says in his message: I am a married man with children, and I fear Allah, but for a year or more, I had a conversation with my wife of which I now remember nothing due to the length of time. However, I said to her: “You will be forbidden to me like my mother and my sister if you do not inform your father about this matter,” meaning the matter we were discussing. Indeed, my wife went to her father’s house to inform him about the matter, but she came back that day and said: “There were guests with him, and she was unable to speak with him that day.” After two or three days, she went to her father’s house a second time.
The Shaykh: Repeat? Repeat?
The presenter: He says, a conversation took place between me and my wife, and I said to her: “You will be forbidden to me like my mother and my sister if you do not inform your father about this matter.” Indeed, she went to her father’s house to inform him, but she found guests with him, then she went to him after two or three days to inform him about the matter. She came back that day and said that she had informed her father about the matter I had asked her to convey. I inform your Excellency that I did not approach my wife except after she returned from her father’s house the second time, after she had informed him, in order to preserve my oath. So the question is: What is the ruling on this oath? Is it zihar or an oath? And because I currently have waswas (whispers) regarding this matter, as I live far from my family, and I feel guilty, please inform us, may Allah reward you?
Answer: If when you said this to her, you did not intend a specific day, but rather you meant that she should inform him, even if it were after several days, and you did not intend the day on which the conversation took place, then she has informed him, praise be to Allah, and the matter is ended, and nothing is upon you. However, if you intended that she should inform him that day, and she went but was unable to inform him, then upon you is the expiation for zihar as a precaution. And if you expiate with the expiation for an oath, that suffices, because it is in the ruling of an oath, but the expiation for zihar is more precautionary. It is freeing a slave, and if you do not find one, then you fast two consecutive months, and if you are unable to do that, you feed sixty poor people, thirty sa’ for each person, half a sa’ of dates, rice, or wheat from the staple food of the country. This is what is obligatory upon you. We repeat the answer: First, if you intended to inform her father absolutely, and did not intend a specific day, but rather you intended that she should inform him, even if it were after several days, then nothing is upon you, because she informed him, praise be to Allah, and there is no blame upon you and no expiation. But if you intended that she should inform him on that day on which that conversation took place and not delay, and she delayed, then upon you is the expiation, which is the expiation for an oath: feeding ten poor people, half a sa’ for each poor person, because you intended to urge her to convey the message and did not intend to forbid her or make zihar, but rather you intended to hasten the conveyance. However, if you expiate with the expiation for zihar, that is more precautionary, more complete, and further from doubt. The expiation for zihar is freeing a believing slave, and if you do not find one, then fasting two consecutive months, and if you are unable to do that, you feed sixty poor people, thirty sa’, half a sa’ for each poor person of dates, rice, or other staple food of the country. May Allah guide them all.
The presenter: May Allah bless you, and may Allah reward you with good. The expiation for zihar, O honorable Shaykh, is in order, not by choice?
The Shaykh: In order, yes, in order.
The presenter: Meaning: the slave first, if he does not find one?
The Shaykh: Then fasting, then feeding.
The presenter: Sixty poor people?
The Shaykh: Yes.
The presenter: May Allah bless you. And may Allah reward you with good.