A married woman with a husband who has fathered four children, but he mistreats her and the children and does not provide for their needs
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The questioner : A married woman with a husband who has fathered four children, but he mistreats her and the children and does not provide for their needs. Moreover, he prevents her from taking anything from her family, such as food or the like, and prevents her from buying what they need. He neither spends on them and meets their requests, nor does he accept that she help herself or her family, even in necessities. How should she deal with this? It is known that he is very negligent in his religion; he drinks intoxicants and takes narcotics. He has married another wife, and due to his poor behavior, she doubted the soundness of his mind and awareness. So she went to look for the cause of this, until she visited some fortune-tellers and explained his condition to them. They told her: He is under a spell. She has regretted going to them and has repented to Allah with a sincere repentance. She asks: Is there anything upon her for that? What is the ruling on his behavior? And is it permissible for her to remain with him in that state?
The Shaykh : This question includes several issues:
The first issue, which is one of the most important, is her going to the fortune-tellers. However, she mentioned that she has repented to Allah (Mighty and Majestic), and this is what is obligatory for one who has done a forbidden act: to hasten to repent to Allah (Glorified and Exalted is He). She should regret what has passed and resolve not to return to it in the future. The second issue is her husband’s behavior toward her and her children, in that he is negligent in their financial maintenance and prevents her from bringing what completes their needs from herself or from her family.
The answer to this issue is that we say: If she cannot take from his money, even without his knowledge, to spend on herself and her children, then there is no blame on her if she takes from her family what she spends on herself and her children, even if he prevents her from doing so. He is unjust, and he is unjust in that he prevents her from the financial maintenance that is obligatory upon him, if what you say about this man is true.
The third issue is remaining with him or seeking separation. If she hopes that by remaining with him, Allah will improve his condition through advice and guidance, then she remains with him so that the family bond does not break and problems do not arise between them, and so that her children do not suffer anxiety. If she does not hope for that, then she seeks guidance from Allah (Mighty and Majestic) and consults whom she sees as having sound judgment in this issue: whether to remain or to separate. We ask Allah to choose for her what is in goodness and reform.
This applies as long as this husband is not one who abandons the prayer. If he is one who abandons the prayer, then it is not permissible for her to remain with him, because abandoning the prayer is disbelief that expels one from the religion, and disbelief that expels one from the religion necessitates the dissolution of the marriage contract. And Allah knows best.
The questioner : May Allah bless you.
The Shaykh : This question includes several issues:
The first issue, which is one of the most important, is her going to the fortune-tellers. However, she mentioned that she has repented to Allah (Mighty and Majestic), and this is what is obligatory for one who has done a forbidden act: to hasten to repent to Allah (Glorified and Exalted is He). She should regret what has passed and resolve not to return to it in the future. The second issue is her husband’s behavior toward her and her children, in that he is negligent in their financial maintenance and prevents her from bringing what completes their needs from herself or from her family.
The answer to this issue is that we say: If she cannot take from his money, even without his knowledge, to spend on herself and her children, then there is no blame on her if she takes from her family what she spends on herself and her children, even if he prevents her from doing so. He is unjust, and he is unjust in that he prevents her from the financial maintenance that is obligatory upon him, if what you say about this man is true.
The third issue is remaining with him or seeking separation. If she hopes that by remaining with him, Allah will improve his condition through advice and guidance, then she remains with him so that the family bond does not break and problems do not arise between them, and so that her children do not suffer anxiety. If she does not hope for that, then she seeks guidance from Allah (Mighty and Majestic) and consults whom she sees as having sound judgment in this issue: whether to remain or to separate. We ask Allah to choose for her what is in goodness and reform.
This applies as long as this husband is not one who abandons the prayer. If he is one who abandons the prayer, then it is not permissible for her to remain with him, because abandoning the prayer is disbelief that expels one from the religion, and disbelief that expels one from the religion necessitates the dissolution of the marriage contract. And Allah knows best.
The questioner : May Allah bless you.