Sometimes a misunderstanding arises between a husband and his wife, and he boycotts her in the bed, does not speak to her, and when he enters the house, he does not greet her.
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The questioner : Sometimes a misunderstanding arises between a husband and his wife, and he boycotts her in the bed, does not speak to her, and when he enters the house, he does not greet her. Is this action in accordance with the Sunnah of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) regarding boycotting? And what was the methodology of the Messenger (may Allah’s peace and blessings be upon him) with his wives when there was disagreement?
The Shaykh : Yes. This is an error and a mistake for the situation between the two spouses to reach this point. Boycotting her in the bed and boycotting her in speech is a great error. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him and his family) said:Sunan Ibn Majah 1977Hasan (Darussalam). And the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) used to perform the household chores in his home until the time for prayer came, and then he would go out to pray. So it is not befitting for a person to boycott his family, even if they make mistakes; let him bear it and be patient, due to the saying of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him): . And he (peace and blessings be upon him) said: . And this boycotting does not increase the matter except in severity. Rather, he should be patient, bear it, be gentle with his wife, and speak to her according to her understanding until matters are resolved. And for the wife, a smile is sufficient to remove everything from her heart. And against that, a frown, a frown on the face, causes aversion. So let a person consider these conditions so that he may live with his wife a pleasant and satisfying life.
And with this, this meeting ends, because the time for the iqamah has arrived. And we do not like to hinder our brothers from their work or from their sleep. And some of them, it seems, have stretched out their legs now, perhaps wanting to sleep. Yes? And if Allah wills, until another meeting. And I love, meaning by my nature, I love for people to leave my meetings with them saying: I wish he had added more. And I do not love for them to leave and say: It was too long for us.
The Shaykh : Yes. This is an error and a mistake for the situation between the two spouses to reach this point. Boycotting her in the bed and boycotting her in speech is a great error. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him and his family) said:
The best of you is the one who is best to his wife, and I am the best of you to my wives.
خيركم خيركم لأهله وأنا خيركم لأهليA believer does not hate a believing woman—meaning: he does not dislike her—if he dislikes a trait in her, he is pleased with another trait in her.
لا يفرك مؤمن مؤمنة - أي : لا يكرهها - إن كره منها خلقاً رضي منها خلقاً آخرIndeed, women were created from a rib, and the most crooked part of the rib is its upper part. If you try to straighten it, you will break it, and if you enjoy her, you will enjoy her despite her crookedness.
إن النساء خلقن من ضلع وأعوج شيء في الضلع أعلاه، فإن ذهبت تقيمه كسرته، وإن استمتعت بها استمتعت بها على عوجAnd with this, this meeting ends, because the time for the iqamah has arrived. And we do not like to hinder our brothers from their work or from their sleep. And some of them, it seems, have stretched out their legs now, perhaps wanting to sleep. Yes? And if Allah wills, until another meeting. And I love, meaning by my nature, I love for people to leave my meetings with them saying: I wish he had added more. And I do not love for them to leave and say: It was too long for us.