The Criterion for a Man Boycotting His Wife
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What is the legal criterion, in your view, for a man boycotting his wife for more than six months, given that she is residing with him in the house?The Shaykh: Boycotting in speech or in the bed?The questioner: In speech and in the bed.
As for speech, it is not permissible for anyone to boycott his believing brother for more than three days, no matter who he is, whether a wife, a relative, a friend, or a passerby. It is not permissible for a Muslim to boycott his brother for more than three days, even if the person is a sinner; he must not be boycotted.Because the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said: (It is not permissible for a believer to boycott his brother for more than three [days]. They meet, and this one turns away and that one turns away, and the best of them is the one who begins with the greeting); but if you advise a sinner and he does not heed the advice, and boycotting him is beneficial in that it leads him to repent, then boycotting him at that time is obligatory.
So boycotting is a remedy; if it is beneficial, it should be resorted to, and if it is not beneficial, it should not be.
If someone were to say: Did not the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) boycott Ka'b ibn Malik and his two companions: Hilal ibn Umayyah and Murarah ibn al-Rabi'?So the answer is: Yes.
He boycotted them; but did his boycotting of them benefit them? Yes.
It brought about a great benefit,Allah, Blessed and Exalted, said: [At-Tawbah: 118], all of this indicates that the men were affected, [At-Tawbah: 118].
So the conclusion is that boycotting in speech is not permissible.
As for boycotting a woman in her bed, Allah (Mighty and Majestic) has explained it in the Qur'an with the clearest explanation,So he said: [An-Nisa: 34] and Allah did not say: and boycott them in speech [An-Nisa: 34] and fulfill what is obligatory, [An-Nisa: 34], and if you are of a higher rank than them, remember the exaltation of Allah, [An-Nisa: 34], this is the way.
So it is not permissible for him to boycott her in the bed for six months, nor four months, nor less than that, except if she commits marital defiance for which she does not repent except through that.
As for speech, it is not permissible for anyone to boycott his believing brother for more than three days, no matter who he is, whether a wife, a relative, a friend, or a passerby. It is not permissible for a Muslim to boycott his brother for more than three days, even if the person is a sinner; he must not be boycotted.Because the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said: (It is not permissible for a believer to boycott his brother for more than three [days]. They meet, and this one turns away and that one turns away, and the best of them is the one who begins with the greeting); but if you advise a sinner and he does not heed the advice, and boycotting him is beneficial in that it leads him to repent, then boycotting him at that time is obligatory.
So boycotting is a remedy; if it is beneficial, it should be resorted to, and if it is not beneficial, it should not be.
If someone were to say: Did not the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) boycott Ka'b ibn Malik and his two companions: Hilal ibn Umayyah and Murarah ibn al-Rabi'?So the answer is: Yes.
He boycotted them; but did his boycotting of them benefit them? Yes.
It brought about a great benefit,Allah, Blessed and Exalted, said:
And [He also forgave] the three who were left behind [and regretted their error] to the point that the earth closed in on them in spite of its vastness and their souls confined them and they were certain that there is no refuge from Allah except in Him
وَعَلَى الثَّلاثَةِ الَّذِينَ خُلِّفُوا حَتَّى إِذَا ضَاقَتْ عَلَيْهِمُ الْأَرْضُ بِمَا رَحُبَتْ وَضَاقَتْ عَلَيْهِمْ أَنْفُسُهُمْ وَظَنُّوا أَنْ لا مَلْجَأَ مِنَ اللَّهِ إِلَّا إِلَيْهِThen He turned to them so they could repent. Indeed, Allah is the Accepting of repentance, the Merciful.
ثُمَّ تَابَ عَلَيْهِمْ لِيَتُوبُوا إِنَّ اللَّهَ هُوَ التَّوَّابُ الرَّحِيمُSo the conclusion is that boycotting in speech is not permissible.
As for boycotting a woman in her bed, Allah (Mighty and Majestic) has explained it in the Qur'an with the clearest explanation,So he said:
But those [wives] from whom you fear arrogance - [first] advise them; [then if they persist], forsake them in bed
وَاللَّاتِي تَخَافُونَ نُشُوزَهُنَّ فَعِظُوهُنَّ وَاهْجُرُوهُنَّ فِي الْمَضَاجِعِand [finally], strike them. But if they obey you
وَاضْرِبُوهُنَّ فَإِنْ أَطَعْنَكُمْseek no means against them
فَلا تَبْغُوا عَلَيْهِنَّ سَبِيلاًIndeed, Allah is ever Exalted and Grand.
إِنَّ اللَّهَ كَانَ عَلِيّاً كَبِيراًSo it is not permissible for him to boycott her in the bed for six months, nor four months, nor less than that, except if she commits marital defiance for which she does not repent except through that.