The Rule for a Man Maintaining Ties with His Kin and a Woman Visiting Her Family
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How should one maintain ties with relatives, especially when they may be annoyed by frequent visits? And how should a married daughter visit her family? Is it at her discretion, citing the maintenance of family ties, given the large number of relatives, while the husband has his own specific circumstances, such as his children, serving his parents, and work commitments? How can one reconcile the ties between the husband’s and wife’s relatives, given their large numbers and distance from one another?
As for the first part of the question: The matter is that Allah the Mighty and Majestic did not specify the details of maintaining ties with relatives, nor did the Sunnah specify them. However, it is referred back to what people commonly agree upon. It varies according to the closeness of kinship and according to the time.And according to the place: The fact that it varies according to the degree of kinship: your tie with your full brother is not like your tie with your maternal half-brother. Which is more binding? The full brother. And your tie with your father’s paternal uncle is not like your tie with your own paternal uncle. The closer someone is to you, the more entitled they are to your visitation. This is considering the degree of kinship.
Considering the time: The time may be a time of prosperity and wealth, where every person is independent of his brother because of what he has. Or the time may be a time of poverty and need. Is your tie with a relative in a state of wealth like your tie with a relative in a state of poverty? No. For this reason, you may have two brothers, one of whom is rich and needs nothing, and the other is poor. You must support the poor one with money more than you support the rich one. So, this varies according to the time and circumstances.
Thirdly, according to the place: Your tie with a distant person is not like your tie with a close person who is in your town;The one in the town, we might say: You must visit him, for example, every week or every half-month. But for the distant one, this is not obligatory upon you. Rather, the means of communication in the present time, and praise be to Allah, have sufficed for much of the hardship. It is possible to maintain ties with the distant one by phone, once a week, or once every two weeks, or once a month. People now, and praise be to Allah, know this.Meaning: One of us does not want his relative to visit him every day, or every week, or every month. No. When he knows that he is well and has no need, he calls him.
However, if he knows that his relatives are annoyed by his frequent visits, the purpose of maintaining ties is to do good, to bring hearts close together, and to achieve harmony. If you know that they are annoyed by your visits, that they dislike you, and that it only increases the distance between you, do not visit frequently. The purpose is to be reassured about their health and their needs, and this is sufficient.
As for the husband and his wife, it is obligatory that he treat her with kindness,As Allah the Exalted said: [Al-Nisa: 19] So, whatever has become the custom of people, he must allow her to do it.For example: If it is the custom of people that a woman visits her family every half-month, he must allow her to do so. Or if it is every week, he must allow her to do so. And if her family is in another town, he is not obligated to travel with her every week or every half-month, but according to the circumstances. And let him know that the master of the woman is her husband.As the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said: (Fear Allah regarding women, for they are captives among you),Captives means: captives, and Allah the Exalted said in the story of the wife of the Minister in Surat Yusuf: [Yusuf: 25] He made the husband the master, and this implies that the wife is in the position of a female slave.
As for the first part of the question: The matter is that Allah the Mighty and Majestic did not specify the details of maintaining ties with relatives, nor did the Sunnah specify them. However, it is referred back to what people commonly agree upon. It varies according to the closeness of kinship and according to the time.And according to the place: The fact that it varies according to the degree of kinship: your tie with your full brother is not like your tie with your maternal half-brother. Which is more binding? The full brother. And your tie with your father’s paternal uncle is not like your tie with your own paternal uncle. The closer someone is to you, the more entitled they are to your visitation. This is considering the degree of kinship.
Considering the time: The time may be a time of prosperity and wealth, where every person is independent of his brother because of what he has. Or the time may be a time of poverty and need. Is your tie with a relative in a state of wealth like your tie with a relative in a state of poverty? No. For this reason, you may have two brothers, one of whom is rich and needs nothing, and the other is poor. You must support the poor one with money more than you support the rich one. So, this varies according to the time and circumstances.
Thirdly, according to the place: Your tie with a distant person is not like your tie with a close person who is in your town;The one in the town, we might say: You must visit him, for example, every week or every half-month. But for the distant one, this is not obligatory upon you. Rather, the means of communication in the present time, and praise be to Allah, have sufficed for much of the hardship. It is possible to maintain ties with the distant one by phone, once a week, or once every two weeks, or once a month. People now, and praise be to Allah, know this.Meaning: One of us does not want his relative to visit him every day, or every week, or every month. No. When he knows that he is well and has no need, he calls him.
However, if he knows that his relatives are annoyed by his frequent visits, the purpose of maintaining ties is to do good, to bring hearts close together, and to achieve harmony. If you know that they are annoyed by your visits, that they dislike you, and that it only increases the distance between you, do not visit frequently. The purpose is to be reassured about their health and their needs, and this is sufficient.
As for the husband and his wife, it is obligatory that he treat her with kindness,As Allah the Exalted said: