Is it permissible to look at a woman to whom one is engaged without her knowledge and the knowledge of her family?
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The questioner : The questioner says: May the Shaykh please tell me, is it permissible for me to look at the woman I wish to marry without the knowledge of her family? For example, if she comes to visit a relative of mine, I look at her without her knowledge and the knowledge of her family. I am determined, with Allah’s permission, to propose to her, but the engagement has not yet taken place. Rather, I have obtained consent from her and her mother before I formally propose to her, even though I have performed the prayer of istikharah (the prayer for guidance in a decision) according to the Shari'ah. Is this looking permissible for me?
The Shaykh : This looking is permissible for you, because when a person intends to propose to a woman and it is likely that he will be accepted, he is allowed to look at her. In fact, it is recommended (sunnah) for him to look at her, provided that there is no seclusion (khalwah) and that he is secure from temptation (fitnah) for himself. If there is no seclusion and he is secure from temptation, and he looks at her to the extent sufficient to determine his desire for her—such as looking at the face, the head, the hands, and the feet—then there is nothing wrong with it. In fact, it is among the prescribed (mashru') matters, as it is more likely to establish harmony between the spouses, meaning it is more likely to bring them together.
Some people ask, saying: Is it permissible for me to request her photograph? We say: It is not permissible.
First: The photograph may remain in the possession of the suitor, even if he returns it.
Second: The photograph does not represent reality. It may distort the appearance or improve it, thereby deceiving the person.
Third: It is not befitting for a person to allow anyone to take a photograph of his family, his daughters, his sisters, or the like. In fact, it is not permissible for him to do so, given the temptation (fitnah) involved. This photograph may fall into the hands of open sinners (fasiq) who display your daughters to people. If they are beautiful, they become a temptation for people; if they are unattractive, they become a source of mockery for people. Yes.
This is the last question.
The Shaykh : This looking is permissible for you, because when a person intends to propose to a woman and it is likely that he will be accepted, he is allowed to look at her. In fact, it is recommended (sunnah) for him to look at her, provided that there is no seclusion (khalwah) and that he is secure from temptation (fitnah) for himself. If there is no seclusion and he is secure from temptation, and he looks at her to the extent sufficient to determine his desire for her—such as looking at the face, the head, the hands, and the feet—then there is nothing wrong with it. In fact, it is among the prescribed (mashru') matters, as it is more likely to establish harmony between the spouses, meaning it is more likely to bring them together.
Some people ask, saying: Is it permissible for me to request her photograph? We say: It is not permissible.
First: The photograph may remain in the possession of the suitor, even if he returns it.
Second: The photograph does not represent reality. It may distort the appearance or improve it, thereby deceiving the person.
Third: It is not befitting for a person to allow anyone to take a photograph of his family, his daughters, his sisters, or the like. In fact, it is not permissible for him to do so, given the temptation (fitnah) involved. This photograph may fall into the hands of open sinners (fasiq) who display your daughters to people. If they are beautiful, they become a temptation for people; if they are unattractive, they become a source of mockery for people. Yes.
This is the last question.