She says that she is a sixteen-year-old girl
Machine translationRead the Arabic original
The questioner : She says that she is a sixteen-year-old girl. She says, “I do not like anyone to impose their control over me, and I do not like to be commanded by anyone. I am everything to my family, in that I do not ask for anything without it being brought to me. And when I found this, the idea of marriage left my mind. She says that a young man proposed to her when she was fifteen years old, but she says she refused on the pretext that she wanted to complete her studies. She says, “I am honored in my family, and I do not refuse marriage because I am ugly; on the contrary. I know absolutely nothing about cooking, and I do not like to enter the kitchen because I do not want to.” My question is: Do I have the right to refuse marriage entirely, knowing that I love my religion and I love Allah, and I also love His Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him)? Is there any violation of the Shari'ah in this refusal, or what? I ask your eminence for guidance.
The Shaykh : It is not befitting for a woman to refuse marriage for such excuses as the questioner mentioned; rather, she should marry. Perhaps her condition after marriage will be better than her condition before marriage, as is commonly known. When a woman marries, much good comes to her marriage, such as the protection of her chastity and the attainment of pleasure. Perhaps she will be blessed with righteous children who will benefit her in her life and after her death. Also, she protects her husband’s chastity, and through this marriage, there is unity and harmony between the two families, the husband’s family and the wife’s family. Allah the Exalted and Glorious made in-laws a counterpart to kinship, and He said:[Al-Furqan 25:54] And how many people have grown close and established many ties between them because of in-law relationships.
So, what I advise this woman is to marry and not to let such excuses be an obstacle to her marriage. She will find, if Allah wills, much good in her marriage. Also, if she accustoms herself to not being commanded and to not having anything prevented from her, this is a mistake. Rather, people are in need of one another; they command one another, help one another, and prevent one another. A person should be patient and adapt to life, however it may be, except in matters that involve the disobedience of Allah and His Messenger, for no one can accept that.
The Shaykh : It is not befitting for a woman to refuse marriage for such excuses as the questioner mentioned; rather, she should marry. Perhaps her condition after marriage will be better than her condition before marriage, as is commonly known. When a woman marries, much good comes to her marriage, such as the protection of her chastity and the attainment of pleasure. Perhaps she will be blessed with righteous children who will benefit her in her life and after her death. Also, she protects her husband’s chastity, and through this marriage, there is unity and harmony between the two families, the husband’s family and the wife’s family. Allah the Exalted and Glorious made in-laws a counterpart to kinship, and He said:
And it is He who has created from water a human being and made him [a relative by] lineage and marriage
وهو الذي خلق من الماء بشراً فجلعه نسباً وصهراًSo, what I advise this woman is to marry and not to let such excuses be an obstacle to her marriage. She will find, if Allah wills, much good in her marriage. Also, if she accustoms herself to not being commanded and to not having anything prevented from her, this is a mistake. Rather, people are in need of one another; they command one another, help one another, and prevent one another. A person should be patient and adapt to life, however it may be, except in matters that involve the disobedience of Allah and His Messenger, for no one can accept that.