Does a son or daughter have the right to refuse marriage, and is the contract valid if they refuse?
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The questioner : Does a son or daughter have the right to refuse, and is the contract valid if they refuse?
The Shaykh : A daughter has the right to refuse to marry someone she does not want, even if her father is the one who wants to marry her off, according to the stronger position. It is not permissible to force a woman to marry someone she does not want, whether the guardian is her father or someone else, based on the saying of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him):Sahih al-Bukhari 6968 And in *Sahih Muslim* it is stated: Thus, he specified the virgin and he specified the father.
As for the permission given by some scholars for a father to marry off his daughter without her consent, that is a weak opinion with no evidence for it, neither from a report nor from reasoning. As for using the marriage of Abu Bakr (may Allah be pleased with him) of his daughter A'ishah to the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) as an argument, that is a distant analogy, because we do not find a man like Abu Bakr (may Allah be pleased with him) in trustworthiness and fidelity in marrying off his daughter, nor do we find a husband like the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him), since we know with certainty that A'ishah (may Allah be pleased with her) would be pleased with him. For this reason, when Allah commanded His Prophet to give his wives the choice to stay with him or to be released, the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) started with A'ishah (may Allah be pleased with her) and gave her the choice, saying to her: meaning: there is no harm in you consulting them So, the one who analogizes the fathers of this time to Abu Bakr (may Allah be pleased with him) in his marriage of A'ishah to the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) has made an incorrect analogy, because an analogy requires the original case and the new case to be equal in the operative cause, and equality here is strictly prohibited. Therefore, forcing some of their daughters to marry someone they do not want is forbidden for them, the marriage is not valid, and the woman must be separated from her husband. However, the scholars say: if a woman claims she was forced after the husband has entered upon her, her claim is not accepted, and the marriage is not annulled because of this claim, because allowing him to enter indicates that she is willing, unless there is proof that she was forced to let him in, in which case the ruling remains and the choice is hers.
As for the son, neither the father nor anyone else has the right to force him to marry a woman he does not want. One who looks at the reality of the matter finds that marriage with coercion and compulsion has severe consequences. Some people, may Allah guide us and them, compel their male children to marry a specific woman, either because of kinship or friendship between them and her father, or something similar. They compel the son to marry her while he does not want to. It is not outright force, but a compulsion that makes the son ashamed to oppose it, and in that case, the outcome remains severe.
So, what I see and advise is that the husband and wife, meaning the suitor and the one being proposed to, should remain free in choosing whom they want. Yes, if the daughter chooses someone who is not equal to her in religion, her father has the right to prevent her, and there is no blame on him and no sin on him, even if she dies before marrying and she did not want anyone but this type of person, for there is no sin on him and no blame, because he only prevented her due to the lack of equality.
The questioner : May Allah reward you with good and do you good.
The Shaykh : A daughter has the right to refuse to marry someone she does not want, even if her father is the one who wants to marry her off, according to the stronger position. It is not permissible to force a woman to marry someone she does not want, whether the guardian is her father or someone else, based on the saying of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him):
A virgin should not be married till she is asked for her consent; and the matron should not be married till she is asked whether she agrees to marry or not.
لا تنكح البكر حتى تستأذن، ولا تنكح الأيم حتى تستأمرA virgin's father seeks her permission.
البكر يستأذنها أبوهاAs for the permission given by some scholars for a father to marry off his daughter without her consent, that is a weak opinion with no evidence for it, neither from a report nor from reasoning. As for using the marriage of Abu Bakr (may Allah be pleased with him) of his daughter A'ishah to the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) as an argument, that is a distant analogy, because we do not find a man like Abu Bakr (may Allah be pleased with him) in trustworthiness and fidelity in marrying off his daughter, nor do we find a husband like the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him), since we know with certainty that A'ishah (may Allah be pleased with her) would be pleased with him. For this reason, when Allah commanded His Prophet to give his wives the choice to stay with him or to be released, the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) started with A'ishah (may Allah be pleased with her) and gave her the choice, saying to her:
It is not necessary for you to consult your parents.
ليس عليك أن تستأمري أبويكShe said: O Messenger of Allah! Do I need to consult my parents in this? I choose Allah and His Messenger.
فقالت: يا رسول الله! أفي هذا أستأمر أبوي؟ إني أختار الله ورسولهAs for the son, neither the father nor anyone else has the right to force him to marry a woman he does not want. One who looks at the reality of the matter finds that marriage with coercion and compulsion has severe consequences. Some people, may Allah guide us and them, compel their male children to marry a specific woman, either because of kinship or friendship between them and her father, or something similar. They compel the son to marry her while he does not want to. It is not outright force, but a compulsion that makes the son ashamed to oppose it, and in that case, the outcome remains severe.
So, what I see and advise is that the husband and wife, meaning the suitor and the one being proposed to, should remain free in choosing whom they want. Yes, if the daughter chooses someone who is not equal to her in religion, her father has the right to prevent her, and there is no blame on him and no sin on him, even if she dies before marrying and she did not want anyone but this type of person, for there is no sin on him and no blame, because he only prevented her due to the lack of equality.
The questioner : May Allah reward you with good and do you good.