Two despicable traits are spreading in our rural community: severing family ties and backbiting
Machine translationRead the Arabic original
The questioner : Two despicable traits are spreading in our rural community: severing family ties and backbiting. How can we resist this, and what is your advice? May Allah reward you with good.
The Shaykh : As for the first, which is severing family ties, it can be resisted by a person knowing that maintaining family ties is among the most obligatory duties that a person owes to another person. In it lies good, virtue, and great reward, to the extent that Allah (Glorified and Exalted is He) has sworn by the family tie to reward those who maintain it and punish those who sever it. In severing family ties lies punishment and sins that deter those of understanding. Indeed,Jami` at-Tirmidhi 1909Sahih (Darussalam) meaning one who severs a family tie. Allah the Exalted said: [Muhammad 47:22-23].
So when a person sees the texts that promise good to one who maintains his family ties, he desires that and proceeds to do it. And when he sees the texts that contain a warning for one who severs his family ties, he fears it, meaning the severing of family ties, and stays away from it.
In maintaining family ties lie worldly benefits: mutual support and cohesion among families, and the feeling of each one that he is like a part of the other. And while this is general for all believers, but it is more specific in the case of relatives.
Many people ask how the maintenance of ties is to be done?
We say: The maintenance of ties came in the Noble Qur'an in an absolute form, and likewise in the Sunnah. And what came in an absolute form in the Book and the Sunnah has no specific legal indication to refer to, so one refers to custom in it, as it was said: "And whatever came without being specified by the Shari'ah, like a boundary, is defined by custom". So that which has no legal limit is referred to custom. Thus, maintaining family ties has no legal limit, so one refers to custom in it. What custom has established as maintaining ties is maintaining ties, and what custom has established as severing ties is severing ties. And on this basis, the maintenance of ties varies with the variation of time, circumstances, and closeness. So severing ties in one time may be maintaining ties in another time. And severing ties in one circumstance may be maintaining ties in another circumstance. And severing ties from one person may be maintaining ties in the right of another person.
So if people, for example, are in hardship and straitness and have little means, then the maintenance of ties is by noble, good words and by giving what one can of money to support relatives, such as feeding, clothing, and the like. And if people are in wealth and every person does not need the other, then the maintenance of ties is by noble, good words, and by gifts on occasions, and not by excessive spending on the relative and the like.
So the important thing is that the maintenance of ties came in the Book and the Sunnah in an absolute form and has no legal limit that defines and clarifies it, so one refers to custom in that. So what people call maintaining ties is maintaining ties, and what they call severing ties is severing ties.
And the maintenance of ties in our present time, praise be to Allah, is facilitated. It is possible to pick up the telephone and speak to your relative, whether he is close to you in place or far, and ask about his condition and the condition of his children, and whether he needs anything and the like. And in realization of what you pointed out that the maintenance of ties varies with the variation of circumstances: If your relative is sick or has a sick person, then the situation requires that you contact him every day, and perhaps it requires that you contact him in the morning and evening. And if the matter is ordinary and normal, then it may suffice to contact him every week, for example, or every half month, according to the situation of his closeness to you and his distance from you. Because the maintenance of ties with a close relative is also more emphasized and more than the maintenance of ties with one who is farther from you.
And as for the second part of the question, which is: backbiting, backbiting is, unfortunately, widespread in the Muslim society. And it is: that a person mentions his brother with what he dislikes. Mentioning a person with what he dislikes is this backbiting. This is how the most knowledgeable of creation and the most advising of creation, Muhammad the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him), defined it. He was asked about backbiting, what is it? He said:Sunan Abi Dawud 4874Sahih (Al-Albani).
Whether what he dislikes is a moral trait like quick anger, foolishness, arrogance, and the like, or a physical trait like height, shortness, blackness, whiteness, and the like. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said about backbiting:Sunan Abi Dawud 4874Sahih (Al-Albani) They said: O Messenger of Allah, what do you say if there is in my brother what I say? He said: Sunan Abi Dawud 4874Sahih (Al-Albani) meaning you lied about him, so you combined slander and backbiting, if the description you mentioned is not in him. If it is in him, then this is backbiting.
And let it be known that backbiting is from the major sins and is not from the minor sins, but it is from the major sins, as Imam Ahmad (may Allah have mercy on him) explicitly stated.
And Allah gave an example of backbiting with the ugliest image, and Allah the Exalted said:[Al-Hujurat 49:12] So if you were presented with the meat of a dead animal other than a human, you would not be able to eat it because of its filth, stench, and harm. So how if you were presented with the carcass of a human? How if you were presented with the carcass of your brother? [Al-Hujurat 49:12] This image is one of the ugliest images that every sound soul abhors.
And here He compared it to eating the meat of a dead animal because the person whom you backbited is not present to defend himself, so he is like the dead one who is eaten and cannot defend himself. And consider His saying, the Exalted: For brotherhood requires that a person defend his brother, not that he sit on his carcass as if he sat on the most delicious and best meat.
And the state of people today, unfortunately, is that they amuse themselves by eating the flesh of people, until it is as if one is eating the best of meat. And it is obligatory for the Muslim to be a strong shield for the honor of his Muslim brother, defending it and protecting it, for the saying of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him):Sahih al-Bukhari 13 So if you do not like that someone backbites you, how do you accept that you backbite your Muslim brother?
And let it be known that everyone who commits a sin against his brothers in their honors, or their wealth, or their blood, let him know that this will be on the account of his good deeds on the Day of Resurrection. Because retribution is taken for these oppressed people from the oppressor by taking from his good deeds. If nothing remains of his good deeds, then it is taken from their bad deeds and placed upon him, then he is thrown into the Fire.
The Shaykh : As for the first, which is severing family ties, it can be resisted by a person knowing that maintaining family ties is among the most obligatory duties that a person owes to another person. In it lies good, virtue, and great reward, to the extent that Allah (Glorified and Exalted is He) has sworn by the family tie to reward those who maintain it and punish those who sever it. In severing family ties lies punishment and sins that deter those of understanding. Indeed,
The one who severs ties will not enter Paradise.
لا يدخل الجنة قاطع(22) So would you perhaps, if you turned away, cause corruption on earth and sever your [ties of] relationship? (23) Those [who do so] are the ones that Allah has cursed, so He deafened them and blinded their vision.
فهل عسيتم إن توليتم أن تفسدوا في الأرض وتقطعوا أرحامكم أولئك الذين لعنهم الله فأصمهم وأعمى أبصارهمSo when a person sees the texts that promise good to one who maintains his family ties, he desires that and proceeds to do it. And when he sees the texts that contain a warning for one who severs his family ties, he fears it, meaning the severing of family ties, and stays away from it.
In maintaining family ties lie worldly benefits: mutual support and cohesion among families, and the feeling of each one that he is like a part of the other. And while this is general for all believers,
The believer is to the believer like a building
المؤمن للمؤمن كالبنيانAnd the example of the believers in their love and compassion for one another is like one body.
ومثل المؤمنين في توادهم وترحمهم كالجسد الواحدMany people ask how the maintenance of ties is to be done?
We say: The maintenance of ties came in the Noble Qur'an in an absolute form, and likewise in the Sunnah. And what came in an absolute form in the Book and the Sunnah has no specific legal indication to refer to, so one refers to custom in it, as it was said: "And whatever came without being specified by the Shari'ah, like a boundary, is defined by custom". So that which has no legal limit is referred to custom. Thus, maintaining family ties has no legal limit, so one refers to custom in it. What custom has established as maintaining ties is maintaining ties, and what custom has established as severing ties is severing ties. And on this basis, the maintenance of ties varies with the variation of time, circumstances, and closeness. So severing ties in one time may be maintaining ties in another time. And severing ties in one circumstance may be maintaining ties in another circumstance. And severing ties from one person may be maintaining ties in the right of another person.
So if people, for example, are in hardship and straitness and have little means, then the maintenance of ties is by noble, good words and by giving what one can of money to support relatives, such as feeding, clothing, and the like. And if people are in wealth and every person does not need the other, then the maintenance of ties is by noble, good words, and by gifts on occasions, and not by excessive spending on the relative and the like.
So the important thing is that the maintenance of ties came in the Book and the Sunnah in an absolute form and has no legal limit that defines and clarifies it, so one refers to custom in that. So what people call maintaining ties is maintaining ties, and what they call severing ties is severing ties.
And the maintenance of ties in our present time, praise be to Allah, is facilitated. It is possible to pick up the telephone and speak to your relative, whether he is close to you in place or far, and ask about his condition and the condition of his children, and whether he needs anything and the like. And in realization of what you pointed out that the maintenance of ties varies with the variation of circumstances: If your relative is sick or has a sick person, then the situation requires that you contact him every day, and perhaps it requires that you contact him in the morning and evening. And if the matter is ordinary and normal, then it may suffice to contact him every week, for example, or every half month, according to the situation of his closeness to you and his distance from you. Because the maintenance of ties with a close relative is also more emphasized and more than the maintenance of ties with one who is farther from you.
And as for the second part of the question, which is: backbiting, backbiting is, unfortunately, widespread in the Muslim society. And it is: that a person mentions his brother with what he dislikes. Mentioning a person with what he dislikes is this backbiting. This is how the most knowledgeable of creation and the most advising of creation, Muhammad the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him), defined it. He was asked about backbiting, what is it? He said:
It is saying something about your brother which he would dislike
ذكرك أخاك بما يكرهWhether what he dislikes is a moral trait like quick anger, foolishness, arrogance, and the like, or a physical trait like height, shortness, blackness, whiteness, and the like. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said about backbiting:
It is saying something about your brother which he would dislike
ذكرك أخاك بما يكرهIf what you say of him is true, you have slandered him, and if what you say of him is not true, you have reviled him.
إن كان فيه ما تقول فقد اغتبته ، وإن لم يكن فيه ما تقول فقد بهتهAnd let it be known that backbiting is from the major sins and is not from the minor sins, but it is from the major sins, as Imam Ahmad (may Allah have mercy on him) explicitly stated.
And Allah gave an example of backbiting with the ugliest image, and Allah the Exalted said:
or backbite each other. Would one of you like to eat the flesh of his brother when dead? You would detest it.
ولا يغتب بعضكم بعضاً أيحب أحدكم أن يأكل لحم أخيه ميتاً فكرهتموهWould one of you like to eat the flesh of his brother
أيحب أحدكم أن يأكل لحم أخيهAnd here He compared it to eating the meat of a dead animal because the person whom you backbited is not present to defend himself, so he is like the dead one who is eaten and cannot defend himself. And consider His saying, the Exalted:
the flesh of his brother
لحم أخيهAnd the state of people today, unfortunately, is that they amuse themselves by eating the flesh of people, until it is as if one is eating the best of meat. And it is obligatory for the Muslim to be a strong shield for the honor of his Muslim brother, defending it and protecting it, for the saying of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him):
None of you will have faith till he wishes for his (Muslim) brother what he likes for himself.
لا يؤمن أحدكم حتى يحب لأخيه ما يحب لنفسهAnd let it be known that everyone who commits a sin against his brothers in their honors, or their wealth, or their blood, let him know that this will be on the account of his good deeds on the Day of Resurrection. Because retribution is taken for these oppressed people from the oppressor by taking from his good deeds. If nothing remains of his good deeds, then it is taken from their bad deeds and placed upon him, then he is thrown into the Fire.