Light on the Path-189a

The questioner : Also, from the questions of the sisters, the honorable Shaykh, they say in this question: Many righteous young men hear about us and our commitment, and they wish to marry us, but then they withdraw from their proposals when they learn about our father’s and our brothers’ distance from the path of truth. What is our sin in that? Therefore, we ask your eminence to direct a word to our Muslim brothers regarding this matter?

The Shaykh : Yes. What a suitor who wants to propose to a woman should do is look at her herself.

The questioner : Yes, good.

The Shaykh : Not at her family and her guardians. This is because the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said and he did not say (peace and blessings be upon him) that a woman is married off for the religion of her family and guardians.
And it is known that Allah (Mighty and Majestic) brings forth the living from the dead and brings forth the dead from the living. He may bring forth from among the open sinners someone who is more upright than the most just of people and the most upright in the religion of Allah. Indeed, He may bring forth from among the disbelievers those who are believers in Allah and His Messenger. And here are the men who embraced Islam during the time of the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him), whose fathers were among the polytheists; they embraced Islam, their Islam was good, and they became a great benefit to Islam and the Muslims. So I advise my brothers who want to marry a righteous woman not to concern themselves with her family and guardians. Their righteousness is for themselves, and their corruption is upon themselves. The important thing is that the woman he wants to marry is righteous. If she is righteous, let him proceed with the proposal and seek help from Allah (Mighty and Majestic).
But here is an obstacle that may arise: some guardians, when a righteous man proposes to a woman whom she wants and whose father wants to marry her off, they want to marry her to someone of their own kind, i.e., an open sinner.
In this case, we say to these guardians that this is forbidden for you, and that you are sinful and transgressing. This is because the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) said And because marriage is a right for the woman herself; her guardians have no right in it. It is she who wants to marry, it is she who wants to be intimate with this man, not you. So you should fear Allah (Mighty and Majestic) and not prevent them from those who are suitable in religion and character who propose to them. If it happens that the closest guardian refuses to marry her to a suitor who is suitable for her in religion and character, then the guardianship transfers from him to the next guardian. If they refuse to marry her off, as is known among people—no one likes to precede someone who is more entitled to marry off his daughter or the like—then if they refuse, for example, the brother says, "I will not marry off my sister while my father is present," and the uncle says, "I will not marry off my nephew’s daughter while my brother is present," or the like, then the guardianship transfers to the legal judge. And the legal judge must marry her off to the one who proposed to her and whom she wants, provided he is suitable in religion and character.
But the legal judge should, before proceeding to marry her off, address the most senior of her guardians regarding the marriage and say to him, "Marry her off." If he refuses, let him address the next one, until no one comes forward to marry her off. Then it is obligatory for him, i.e., the legal judge, to marry her off. It is not possible to leave these good, believing women without marriage because of the monopoly of their guardians. And I ask Allah (Glorified and Exalted is He) to help everyone who wants good and everyone who wants reform in what they intend, and to protect us all from the evil of our evildoers.

The questioner : Amen. May Allah reward you with good.