My aunt says to me, and this aunt gets angry with me if I do not give her money, especially when I visit her. What should I do in this situation, and should I just visit her?
Machine translationRead the Arabic original
The questioner : And my aunt says to me, meaning, if I do not give her money, she gets upset and angry with me. If I go for any visit, whether during a festival or not, I have to give her a lot of money. She said that in the last festival, I gave her ten dinars, she returned them, got upset, and said, "I am angry with you, and this is not enough, and I don't know what else, you must give me more." So he asks, is it obligatory? Should I consider myself as having maintained the relationship if I gave her what she wants, or should I stop giving her this and just visit her, meaning just maintain the visit, while my brothers and children are in greater need of this money than she is?
The Shaykh : It is difficult to answer this because we must know the financial situation of this person. Can he honor her or not? If he can, then it is his obligation. What is the benefit if he visits her but does not honor her materially? And the statement that "my children are in greater need" might be accepted if his income is very limited, meaning that he either has to give to his aunt or he has to spend on his children.
The questioner : Yes.
The Shaykh : No, the closer relatives are more deserving of kindness, but I do not imagine the situation is this narrow.
The questioner : Yes.
The Shaykh : So this means I ask him a question. It appears he does not have a quantity of hundreds, we do not say thousands, placed somewhere in his house?
The questioner : It is possible.
The Shaykh : So it is far-fetched to imagine this scenario. And therefore, I know from my experience over these years, and perhaps you remember well, that it is not permissible for the person seeking a ruling to stop at the words and question of the questioner and give the answer within the limits of what? His question.
The questioner : Yes.
The Shaykh : Because we have tried, and many of the questioners seem to frame the question in a way that they get the answer that suits them. And therefore, the person seeking a ruling should not be naive; he must scrutinize a little with him, in a case like this. And Allah, my children are more deserving? Your children are more deserving, yes, this statement is correct and there is no rebuttal to it, but do you think you have no choice but to give to your aunt or give to your children? I do not think there is such a narrowness. When it is like this, yes, your children are more deserving, but I do not think so.
The questioner : Does he condition that he must give her a specific amount?
The Shaykh : No, there is no such condition. But notice, what was the question? That he is content with visiting her and not giving her money because the children are more deserving.
The questioner : Because in the original question, he would tell you the rising...
Another questioner: She returned them, she returned the ten dinars, saying she wants more than this.
The Shaykh : No, it is not supposed to be...
The questioner : The question at the beginning was clear.
Another questioner: Yes, and he... for example, on the visit, or...
The questioner : He has had a reaction, a reaction from his aunt's action?
Another questioner: ... that he gave her ten dinars and she wants more.
The questioner : No, Shaykh, we know, Shaykh, let us leave it.
The Shaykh : In any case, honoring the aunt, there is a sound hadith so it is obligatory for her nephew to honor her with everything he is able to do, and it is not good to divide it to this degree that he gives to her or gives to his children; he gives to her and gives to his children, combining both excellences. And Allah, I cannot... but is it true that he cannot do either these or her? In any case, we need to return to our first discussion. My first discussion had its relevance, and although the relevance has passed, the request remains standing.
The Shaykh : It is difficult to answer this because we must know the financial situation of this person. Can he honor her or not? If he can, then it is his obligation. What is the benefit if he visits her but does not honor her materially? And the statement that "my children are in greater need" might be accepted if his income is very limited, meaning that he either has to give to his aunt or he has to spend on his children.
The questioner : Yes.
The Shaykh : No, the closer relatives are more deserving of kindness, but I do not imagine the situation is this narrow.
The questioner : Yes.
The Shaykh : So this means I ask him a question. It appears he does not have a quantity of hundreds, we do not say thousands, placed somewhere in his house?
The questioner : It is possible.
The Shaykh : So it is far-fetched to imagine this scenario. And therefore, I know from my experience over these years, and perhaps you remember well, that it is not permissible for the person seeking a ruling to stop at the words and question of the questioner and give the answer within the limits of what? His question.
The questioner : Yes.
The Shaykh : Because we have tried, and many of the questioners seem to frame the question in a way that they get the answer that suits them. And therefore, the person seeking a ruling should not be naive; he must scrutinize a little with him, in a case like this. And Allah, my children are more deserving? Your children are more deserving, yes, this statement is correct and there is no rebuttal to it, but do you think you have no choice but to give to your aunt or give to your children? I do not think there is such a narrowness. When it is like this, yes, your children are more deserving, but I do not think so.
The questioner : Does he condition that he must give her a specific amount?
The Shaykh : No, there is no such condition. But notice, what was the question? That he is content with visiting her and not giving her money because the children are more deserving.
The questioner : Because in the original question, he would tell you the rising...
Another questioner: She returned them, she returned the ten dinars, saying she wants more than this.
The Shaykh : No, it is not supposed to be...
The questioner : The question at the beginning was clear.
Another questioner: Yes, and he... for example, on the visit, or...
The questioner : He has had a reaction, a reaction from his aunt's action?
Another questioner: ... that he gave her ten dinars and she wants more.
The questioner : No, Shaykh, we know, Shaykh, let us leave it.
The Shaykh : In any case, honoring the aunt, there is a sound hadith