Is this statement from the Prophetic hadith: “Hate the one you hate mildly, for he may become your beloved one day, and love the one you love mildly, for he may become the one you hate one day”?
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The questioner : The questioner, Umm Abd al-Rahman from Yemen, asks: Is this statement from the Prophetic hadith “Hate the one you hate mildly, for he may become your beloved one day, and love the one you love mildly, for he may become the one you hate one day”?
The Shaykh : This has been narrated as a hadith, but it is not authentic. However, its meaning is correct. That is, a person should not be excessive in love, for it is possible that this beloved may become one you hate one day. It is well known that if a person is excessive in love, he will confide in his beloved with all his secrets and inform him of all his circumstances. If it is decreed that he becomes one you hate one day, then this one you hate will disclose his secret and reveal it to people. Furthermore, excessive love often leads to excessive hatred, because excessive love causes its owner to be sensitive regarding his beloved; he becomes jealous if he sees someone next to him or someone talking to him, or the like. And the love he has for this beloved becomes like a dome. Consequently, due to the intensity of the jealousy and love, this love turns into hatred.
Likewise, the reverse can happen: a man may hate a person intensely, then the One who turns hearts turns his heart, and he loves him intensely after that. For this reason, a person should not be excessive in love or in hatred.
If someone says that a person does not control love, and he does not control hatred either, meaning he cannot make his love light or heavy, or the reverse, the answer is that this is the case. However, he must reduce the effects of this love and the effects of this hatred, such that he does not be excessive in staying close when in love, nor in distancing himself when in hatred. This is something a person can manage. Likewise, he should not be excessive in spending money on the one he loves, nor in prioritizing him over himself, or the like of the implications of love that a person can manage. Yes.
The questioner : May Allah reward you, Shaykh.
The Shaykh : This has been narrated as a hadith, but it is not authentic. However, its meaning is correct. That is, a person should not be excessive in love, for it is possible that this beloved may become one you hate one day. It is well known that if a person is excessive in love, he will confide in his beloved with all his secrets and inform him of all his circumstances. If it is decreed that he becomes one you hate one day, then this one you hate will disclose his secret and reveal it to people. Furthermore, excessive love often leads to excessive hatred, because excessive love causes its owner to be sensitive regarding his beloved; he becomes jealous if he sees someone next to him or someone talking to him, or the like. And the love he has for this beloved becomes like a dome. Consequently, due to the intensity of the jealousy and love, this love turns into hatred.
Likewise, the reverse can happen: a man may hate a person intensely, then the One who turns hearts turns his heart, and he loves him intensely after that. For this reason, a person should not be excessive in love or in hatred.
If someone says that a person does not control love, and he does not control hatred either, meaning he cannot make his love light or heavy, or the reverse, the answer is that this is the case. However, he must reduce the effects of this love and the effects of this hatred, such that he does not be excessive in staying close when in love, nor in distancing himself when in hatred. This is something a person can manage. Likewise, he should not be excessive in spending money on the one he loves, nor in prioritizing him over himself, or the like of the implications of love that a person can manage. Yes.
The questioner : May Allah reward you, Shaykh.