What is the ruling on a man being absent from his wife to seek a livelihood when she is not pleased with it?

The questioner : Many men go to foreign countries, such as Saudi Arabia and others, with the intention of working and seeking a livelihood. Some of them are absent for a year or two, or perhaps longer, or perhaps less. During this time, his wife is a person who needs her husband and is not pleased with his travel. Is there a specific period in the ruling of the religion for a wife to divorce her husband because of his absence from her?

The Shaykh : The answer, briefly, is that there is no text in the Shari'ah that specifies the period for which a husband is permitted to be absent from his wife. However, there are some reports from 'Umar ibn al-Khattab, or from others, that he asked some of his people about the period a woman can endure the absence of her husband, and they answered with six months. What I believe and testify to Allah with in this matter is that this specification is a temporal specification, a temporal specification, and not a Shari'ah specification. This is from one aspect. From another aspect, this specification is for a general system, meaning for soldiers. But when the question is confined to an individual, where there is no governing system over this individual, and the only governor is his faith, his religion, and his character, here—and this is the reality today, because unfortunately there is no ruler, and there is no group absent for the sake of jihad in the path of Allah—the reality now is that this ruling will apply to an individual, not to soldiers. In that case, I say that it is not permissible to set a limit of months or years for this matter, because the situation differs from one woman to another. And in your words, she is not pleased that her husband is absent from her for this long period. If the intended meaning of her displeasure is for the sake of her chastity and his restraining her, then this has a ruling, and this is what I am about to explain. But if the intended meaning is broader than that, then this is a matter that cannot be regulated. A woman may not be pleased that her husband is absent from her even for a week. But if the intended meaning is the first meaning, as I mentioned earlier, then we say the ruling differs according to the nature of the two spouses, according to their sexual nature. And as long as the man is the one who is absent, it means he knows about himself whether he can endure it or not. But the problem remains with the woman. If the husband who is absent from his wife knows from his wife that she has no patience for the separation from her husband, or his separation from her, for this long period from the sexual aspect, then it is not permissible for the man to be absent from her for this long period. This is related to a matter that does not concern travel, but also concerns the state of residence. It is related to what you were hinting at earlier about a man who married a second, third, or fourth wife. The soul of the husband may incline toward one of the two wives more than the other. The soul of the husband may incline toward one of the two wives more than the other. And the result of this inclination may be that he has intercourse with one of them more than the other. Is he held accountable for this distinction, and for depriving one of an act of intercourse that the other receives, or is he not held accountable? The answer is: No, he is not held accountable. Why? Because this matter, praise be to Allah... but you do not praise Him—(laughs)The Shaykh : And the brothers—

The questioner : ... .

The Shaykh : The intended meaning is that he is not held accountable. Why? For two reasons. First, this is a matter that cannot be regulated, especially if there is a difference between one wife and another. And I think the matter is not easy, and the earth is not inhabited, meaning the matter is not hidden from the married men. It may be hidden from what? The unmarried. This is the first reason. The second reason is that the nature of one woman differs from the nature of another. One is passionate, a woman of desire, and one is cold, colder than iron. So he does not feel the attraction of this one as he feels the attraction of the other. All of this is an introduction to what you are standing here for. Ah.

The questioner : The one who benefits is the brother from the answer.

The Shaykh : You will benefit.

The questioner : May Allah reward you with good.

The Shaykh : We want to reach the end: Is it permissible to neglect this wife, as I described her earlier, for example, the one who is sexually cold? He neglects her and always satisfies his need from the other. We say, as we said earlier, he must satisfy her desire to the extent that restrains her. But if he neglects her completely, it is permissible for him to expose her to fitnah (trial, discord or temptation). This same meaning is observed regarding the wife who is absent from her husband.

The questioner : How, Shaykh?

The Shaykh : The same meaning we reached finally regarding the husband of two wives: how he must satisfy the desire of the other, even though she is cold, and he does not claim that she is cold, or that she will become hot with someone else. Do you see how it is? Likewise, the same answer is given regarding the husband who is absent from his wife. If she is cold, he has patience in his absence. Do you understand?

The questioner: Yes.

The Shaykh : To the extent that he thinks no desire will move in her, because what? Her nature is cold. But if the woman is of the first type, then it is not permissible for him to be delayed from her except to the extent that he is convinced that his delay will not put her in a difficult position. Did you get the answer now?

The questioner: No.

The Shaykh : How not? No, I did not get it.

The questioner : I, O Shaykh, someone carried me, saying: How is the judge? Does the Shari'ah ruling accept that she divorces and the judge divorces her in the case of her husband's absence, at a time when she is unable and not pleased with her husband's absence from her? She needs a divorce now. This is what I was hinting at.

The Shaykh : Why does she need the divorce?

The questioner : Because she needs her husband.

The Shaykh : My answer is the answer: If she wants the divorce because she cannot control herself, it is not just the badness of being away.

The questioner : No, we said.

The Shaykh : No problem, I am answering you, I am relieving you. If she wants the divorce because she fears that she will fall into fitnah (trial, discord or temptation) because of her husband's absence and his not giving her her right from him, then she has the right to demand a divorce. But, by Allah, if she is lonely due to the husband's absence, or for another reason, then she does not have that right, and she must be patient. As for what concerns sex, the previous rule is considered: if she desires her husband. Here they mention the story of 'Umar ibn al-Khattab that I referred to earlier. It was his habit, may Allah be pleased with him, to patrol and check on the conditions of the Muslims at night. So he passed by a house and heard a woman recite a verse of poetry. Does any of you remember it? "The sides of this bed shook."

The questioner : "By Allah, from this night and its black sides, I swear that I have no companion to play with.
So, by Allah, were it not for Allah that I watch over me, the sides of this bed would have shaken."

The Shaykh : "The sides of this bed shook." Yes, he asked how long she could endure. He asked about the story of this wife, and they said that her husband was absent in the army, meaning.

The questioner : I heard that the period is four months.

The Shaykh : I, by Allah, think it is six months.

The questioner : ... I heard fromThe Shaykh : Four months, four or six?

The Shaykh : No, what is in my mind is what I said earlier.

The questioner : We want to build on at least.

The Shaykh : Six months—(laughs, may Allah have mercy on him)—
Al-Halabi : Four months.

The Shaykh : Four months. Remember this well, and so it is as Abu 'Abdullah heard.