Our father lives with us a life of abundance in religion and worldly affairs, in a blessing that deserves nothing but praise and gratitude, but he treats his children with harshness and we always find him complaining.
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The questioner : Our father lives with us a life of abundance in religion and worldly affairs, in a blessing that deserves nothing but praise and gratitude, but he treats his children with harshness. We always find him complaining and frowning at his children, whereas with others you find him laughing and smiling. As a result of some ordinary problems that happen in all households, he leaves the children for weeks and isolates himself from them in another city. What is your advice for those like him who do not consider their responsibility? Is he rewarded for his good deeds and his openness to people, despite his harshness and frowning at his children, knowing that they have not failed him in any way? Is the man rewarded for sitting with his children and being at ease with them? Please provide the evidence. May Allah reward you.
The Shaykh : The ruling and the evidence is the saying of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him):Sunan Ibn Majah 1977Hasan (Darussalam) So my advice to this father, if what is reported about him is true, is to strive to be good in his treatment of his family, including his wife, sons, daughters, and others who are part of his household. He should know that this action increases his nearness to Allah (Glorified and Exalted is He), and that through this action he will be among the best of people, those who are like him, because the Messenger (peace and blessings be upon him) says: Sunan Ibn Majah 1977Hasan (Darussalam).
As for his being rewarded for his openness to people and his cheerfulness toward them, he is indeed rewarded for that, because this is among the good morals that the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) encouraged. A person cannot accommodate people with his wealth or divide his money among them; even if he divided among them whatever he divided, it would not be of any benefit compared to good character. But he can accommodate people with his noble morals, through which he calls people to good, and to affection and love for them.
Therefore, I say: It is incumbent upon this father that, just as he has been good in his morals toward people, he should be good in his morals toward his family and his relatives. Being good in his morals toward his family and relatives is better than being good in his morals toward others who are strangers.
As for his family, they should be patient, seek reward from Allah, and wait for relief. They should advise him if they are able to do so, or entrust the advice to one of his companions or friends, and perhaps Allah (Glorified and Exalted is He) will change his heart.
The questioner : May Allah bless you.
The Shaykh : The ruling and the evidence is the saying of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him):
The best of you is the one who is best to his wife, and I am the best of you to my wives.
خيركم خيركم لأهله وأنا خيركم لأهليThe best of you is the one who is best to his wife, and I am the best of you to my wives.
خيركم خيركم لأهله وأنا خيركم لأهليAs for his being rewarded for his openness to people and his cheerfulness toward them, he is indeed rewarded for that, because this is among the good morals that the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) encouraged. A person cannot accommodate people with his wealth or divide his money among them; even if he divided among them whatever he divided, it would not be of any benefit compared to good character. But he can accommodate people with his noble morals, through which he calls people to good, and to affection and love for them.
Therefore, I say: It is incumbent upon this father that, just as he has been good in his morals toward people, he should be good in his morals toward his family and his relatives. Being good in his morals toward his family and relatives is better than being good in his morals toward others who are strangers.
As for his family, they should be patient, seek reward from Allah, and wait for relief. They should advise him if they are able to do so, or entrust the advice to one of his companions or friends, and perhaps Allah (Glorified and Exalted is He) will change his heart.
The questioner : May Allah bless you.