What is the ruling on continuing married life with a disobedient husband who has bad character?
Machine translationRead the Arabic original
The questioner : She says: She is a woman married to a man who is a relative of hers and older than her in age. She has given birth to sons and daughters from him. He prays and fasts, but sometimes he commits some forbidden acts that make him forget his religion and his family, so he leaves everything aside. In addition to his bad treatment of them in the house and his bad character, she does not know a kind word from him or a greeting when he enters the house, even if he has been absent from them for a week. These matters have made her hate him greatly, and she wishes that he would be separated from her forever or that he would pass away. Her eldest son has started to imitate his father in doing some forbidden acts, so she hates him too for imitating his father in doing what is forbidden and for not fearing Allah. Therefore, she prays for his death. So she asks, first, about the ruling on continuing life with this husband; second, about the ruling on praying for the son's death, and whether that constitutes differentiating between the children in treatment, because some of her children she loves and shows affection to; third, she wants to undergo an operation that prevents her from becoming pregnant by this wicked man, as she describes him, because she hates giving birth to more children from him, fearing that they will follow his path; and fourth, if she separates from him, with whom will the children be? She fears for them if they remain with their father, that he will influence them and corrupt their character? Yes.
The Shaykh : Before answering this question, we offer advice to this man, if what his wife said is true, that he repent to Allah (Mighty and Majestic) and return from what his wife described him with, so that his life becomes stable and pleasant for him. For Allah (Mighty and Majestic) has promised a definite promise that whoever does good, whether male or female, while being a believer, He will give him a good life. Allah (Mighty and Majestic) said:[An-Nahl 16:97] And if he returns to Allah (Mighty and Majestic) and repents to Him and turns back and guards what Allah has made obligatory upon him, he will find pleasure and taste in faith, and expansion in the rituals of Islam, and his life will become pleasant, and he will be as if he was born anew from that moment.
Then, regarding what this woman asked about, her attempt to separate from her husband, I see that she should not separate from him as long as he has not left Islam through his sins. But she should be patient and seek reward from Allah for the sake of the children and to prevent their separation. And she should repeat advice to her husband, perhaps Allah (Glorified and Exalted is He) will guide him through her hands.
As for praying for her son's death, this is a mistake. It is not befitting for a person, when he sees a misguided one, to pray for his death. Rather, what is befitting is that he try to advise him as much as possible and ask Allah (Mighty and Majestic) for his guidance. For matters are in the hand of Allah (Glorified and Exalted is He), and hearts are between two of His fingers (Glorified and Exalted is He), He turns them as He wills. How many things a person considers impossible in his imagination, yet Allah (the Exalted) facilitates their occurrence. So do not consider it unlikely, O woman, that Allah (Glorified and Exalted is He) will guide your son. Pray for his guidance and repeat advice to him, and Allah is Able to do all things.
As for her attempt to refrain from bearing children from him.
The questioner : Yes.
The Shaykh : This is a wrong theory. And that is because procreation is a beloved matter in the Shari'ah, and the more the community increases, the better and more dignified it becomes. For this reason, Allah (Mighty and Majestic) blessed the Children of Israel with multitude, where He said (Glorified and Exalted is He):[Al-Isra 17:6] And Shu'ayb said to his people: [Al-A'raf 7:86] And the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) commanded marrying the loving and fertile woman to realize the boasting of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) with his community on the Day of Resurrection. The community, the more it increases, the stronger it becomes materially and spiritually, as is apparent. This is the opposite of the imagination of some who imagine evil of Allah, who think that multitude causes hardship in livelihood. These people have imagined evil of Allah (Mighty and Majestic) and contradicted reality. And Allah (the Exalted) said: [At-Talaq 65:3] And He said (Glorified and Exalted is He): [Hud 11:6] And those nations whose livelihood became narrow due to their multitude were only given that from their little reliance on Allah (Mighty and Majestic) and their trust in Him. If they had trusted in Allah and believed in His promise, their livelihood would not have become narrow.
As for her fourth question about her children, what will happen to them if she separates from her husband? This is a matter for the court. It is the court that decides in this matter and looks at the situation and reality, which of the two is better: that they be with their father or with their mother.
The questioner : And what is considered in this is the well-being of the children.
The Shaykh : Yes, what is considered in this is the well-being of the children, because custody is only obligatory for the protection, preservation, and reform of the child. For this reason, the scholars said that the child in custody is not to be placed with one who does not preserve and reform him, even if he is more entitled than others in terms of order. Because the criterion, as I said, is the reform of the child and his preservation from what harms him.
The questioner : Yes.
The Shaykh : Yes.
The questioner : May Allah reward you. This questioner is from Iraq, Baghdad. He symbolized his name with the letters A, S, J. He actually sent several questions. He says in his first question.
The Shaykh : Before answering this question, we offer advice to this man, if what his wife said is true, that he repent to Allah (Mighty and Majestic) and return from what his wife described him with, so that his life becomes stable and pleasant for him. For Allah (Mighty and Majestic) has promised a definite promise that whoever does good, whether male or female, while being a believer, He will give him a good life. Allah (Mighty and Majestic) said:
Whoever does righteousness, whether male or female, while he is a believer - We will surely cause him to live a good life, and We will surely give them their reward [in the Hereafter] according to the best of what they used to do.
من عمل صالحاً من ذكر أو أنثى وهو مؤمن فلنحيينه حياة طيبة ولنجزينهم أجرهم بأحسن ما كانوا يعملونThen, regarding what this woman asked about, her attempt to separate from her husband, I see that she should not separate from him as long as he has not left Islam through his sins. But she should be patient and seek reward from Allah for the sake of the children and to prevent their separation. And she should repeat advice to her husband, perhaps Allah (Glorified and Exalted is He) will guide him through her hands.
As for praying for her son's death, this is a mistake. It is not befitting for a person, when he sees a misguided one, to pray for his death. Rather, what is befitting is that he try to advise him as much as possible and ask Allah (Mighty and Majestic) for his guidance. For matters are in the hand of Allah (Glorified and Exalted is He), and hearts are between two of His fingers (Glorified and Exalted is He), He turns them as He wills. How many things a person considers impossible in his imagination, yet Allah (the Exalted) facilitates their occurrence. So do not consider it unlikely, O woman, that Allah (Glorified and Exalted is He) will guide your son. Pray for his guidance and repeat advice to him, and Allah is Able to do all things.
As for her attempt to refrain from bearing children from him.
The questioner : Yes.
The Shaykh : This is a wrong theory. And that is because procreation is a beloved matter in the Shari'ah, and the more the community increases, the better and more dignified it becomes. For this reason, Allah (Mighty and Majestic) blessed the Children of Israel with multitude, where He said (Glorified and Exalted is He):
and made you more numerous in manpower
وجعلناكم أكثر نفيراًAnd remember when you were few and He increased you
واذكروا إذ كنتم قليلا فكثركمAnd whoever relies upon Allah - then He is sufficient for him.
ومن يتوكل على الله فهو حسبهAnd there is no creature on earth but that upon Allah is its provision, and He knows its place of dwelling and place of storage
وما من دابة في الأرض إلى على الله رزقها ويعلم مستقرها ومستودعهاAs for her fourth question about her children, what will happen to them if she separates from her husband? This is a matter for the court. It is the court that decides in this matter and looks at the situation and reality, which of the two is better: that they be with their father or with their mother.
The questioner : And what is considered in this is the well-being of the children.
The Shaykh : Yes, what is considered in this is the well-being of the children, because custody is only obligatory for the protection, preservation, and reform of the child. For this reason, the scholars said that the child in custody is not to be placed with one who does not preserve and reform him, even if he is more entitled than others in terms of order. Because the criterion, as I said, is the reform of the child and his preservation from what harms him.
The questioner : Yes.
The Shaykh : Yes.
The questioner : May Allah reward you. This questioner is from Iraq, Baghdad. He symbolized his name with the letters A, S, J. He actually sent several questions. He says in his first question.