What is your opinion regarding a family that gathers every year for getting to know one another and for recreation, where wrongs such as backbiting, smoking, and singing occur?
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The Shaykh : This is a general rule, and one should not go out except for a need. This is because even if a woman goes out without perfume, without displaying her adornment, and is chaste, sound, and modest, she is still tested. There are open sinners in the markets who have no concern but to pursue women, may Allah protect us from that, and to flirt with them, throw papers and phone numbers at them, and do similar things, even though the women are chaste. For this reason, we say: the best place for a woman is to remain in her home. In reality, she is responsible for herself, and her guardian is also responsible for her. Many men, may Allah guide us and them, have let the reins loose for women. A woman goes out whenever she wants, loiters in the markets and stores, and the guardian does not care or ask. May Allah help us and you to fulfill the trust. Yes.
The questioner : We are a large family, O Shaykh. We go out annually to the countryside, and some wrongs occur, such as singing, backbiting, and smoking. We go out with them and enter, meaning before these wrongs occur, meaning before there is singing for the men with the hand drum and for the women as well?
The Shaykh : Do you mean a gathering for getting to know one another?
The questioner : Any annual gathering, O Shaykh. Annual.
The Shaykh : As long as it does not contradict [the rules], the important thing is that it is a gathering for getting to know one another and for bonding, if that is the intention.
The questioner : And it is a custom we have adopted annually. We have taken it as a custom.
The Shaykh : I say: there is no harm if this is for getting to know one another, for bonding, and for studying the conditions of the family, who needs [help] and who does not. That is good. And if a wrong occurs, a person has no choice but to leave. Did you understand? But if it is merely going out for recreation with no benefit, then it is a waste of time and there is no need for it. As for it being repeated, as long as it is not tied to a specific month, there is no harm in it.
The questioner : If the family is very large, O Shaykh, and these wrongs... we have already rebuked them for it, but there is no response.
The Shaykh : You mentioned in your question, may Allah bless you, that you gather, and when the wrong that you see as a wrong occurs, you leave them?
The questioner : Some of the brothers [leave], and the rest sit.
The Shaykh : In any case,[Fussilat 41:46] the one who sits with the people of the wrong is like the one who commits the wrong.
The questioner : But O Shaykh, is it permissible for us to cut off ties with them, O Shaykh? For example, we do not go out?
The Shaykh : As I told you: as long as there is a benefit, do not cut off ties with them.
The questioner : There is no benefit, O Shaykh.
The Shaykh : Are you not doing the getting to know one another and the bonding? This is a great benefit. Now, if you were to ask your paternal cousins how much your uncle has...? They would say: I do not know. Perhaps if you were to ask your brother: how much does he have...? He would say: I do not know. This is cutting off ties. It is not good for people not to know one another. In my opinion, he should go out. And if he has a word and standing among the people, he can, if he sees a wrong, say: "O people, fear Allah," and advise them. Perhaps Allah will guide them through him. And if he is one of the common people, he goes out, for example, and participates in the lunch or similar, and addresses their problems if they have any, and then leaves.
The questioner : May Allah reward you with good.
The Shaykh : Yes.
And their homes are better for them
وبيوتهن خير لهنThe questioner : We are a large family, O Shaykh. We go out annually to the countryside, and some wrongs occur, such as singing, backbiting, and smoking. We go out with them and enter, meaning before these wrongs occur, meaning before there is singing for the men with the hand drum and for the women as well?
The Shaykh : Do you mean a gathering for getting to know one another?
The questioner : Any annual gathering, O Shaykh. Annual.
The Shaykh : As long as it does not contradict [the rules], the important thing is that it is a gathering for getting to know one another and for bonding, if that is the intention.
The questioner : And it is a custom we have adopted annually. We have taken it as a custom.
The Shaykh : I say: there is no harm if this is for getting to know one another, for bonding, and for studying the conditions of the family, who needs [help] and who does not. That is good. And if a wrong occurs, a person has no choice but to leave. Did you understand? But if it is merely going out for recreation with no benefit, then it is a waste of time and there is no need for it. As for it being repeated, as long as it is not tied to a specific month, there is no harm in it.
The questioner : If the family is very large, O Shaykh, and these wrongs... we have already rebuked them for it, but there is no response.
The Shaykh : You mentioned in your question, may Allah bless you, that you gather, and when the wrong that you see as a wrong occurs, you leave them?
The questioner : Some of the brothers [leave], and the rest sit.
The Shaykh : In any case,
Whoever does righteousness - it is for his [own] soul; and whoever does evil [does so] against it
مَنْ عَمِلَ صَالِحاً فَلِنَفْسِهِ وَمَنْ أَسَاءَ فَعَلَيْهَاThe questioner : But O Shaykh, is it permissible for us to cut off ties with them, O Shaykh? For example, we do not go out?
The Shaykh : As I told you: as long as there is a benefit, do not cut off ties with them.
The questioner : There is no benefit, O Shaykh.
The Shaykh : Are you not doing the getting to know one another and the bonding? This is a great benefit. Now, if you were to ask your paternal cousins how much your uncle has...? They would say: I do not know. Perhaps if you were to ask your brother: how much does he have...? He would say: I do not know. This is cutting off ties. It is not good for people not to know one another. In my opinion, he should go out. And if he has a word and standing among the people, he can, if he sees a wrong, say: "O people, fear Allah," and advise them. Perhaps Allah will guide them through him. And if he is one of the common people, he goes out, for example, and participates in the lunch or similar, and addresses their problems if they have any, and then leaves.
The questioner : May Allah reward you with good.
The Shaykh : Yes.