Is sitting for condolence gatherings forbidden?
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The questioner : Your Eminence, is sitting for condolence gatherings forbidden?
And if I know that if I do not go to the condolence gathering, the family of the deceased will hold something against me, am I permitted to go to it?
Then, if one of my parents orders me to go to the condolence gathering, is it obligatory to obey them in that? May Allah grant you success.
The Shaykh : Yes, sitting for condolence gatherings: many scholars have explicitly stated that it is a religious innovation (bid'ah), and some of them, such as the followers of Imam Ahmad (may Allah have mercy on him), have explicitly stated that it is disliked (makruh). This is because it was not known during the time of the Companions, and because it indicates a type of distress and dissatisfaction, as if this person is saying to people: "Oh people, I am afflicted, so offer me your condolences." The duty of a person upon affliction is to be patient, to seek reward from Allah, and to know that to Allah belongs what He has taken and what He has left, and that everything with Him is by a specified term. It is not possible for a person to exceed what has been decreed for him and to close his door.
As for going to it, if the person is among the relatives who consider not coming to them a severing of family ties, then go to them, offer your condolences, and leave; do not sit.
And as for if his father orders him, if he is among the relatives, then as I said, he goes whether his father orders him or not. If he is not among the relatives, he should convince his father, saying: "O my father, they have no right over us, even if they are friends. If I see them in the market or in the mosque, I will offer them my condolences, but if I do not see them, it is not obligatory."
The questioner : Is it permissible for relatives?
The Shaykh : It is permissible for relatives, but even so, he does not sit. He should advise them and say: "Close the door, for this is not good. If it were good, the Companions and the Successors would have preceded us in it." Yes.
And if I know that if I do not go to the condolence gathering, the family of the deceased will hold something against me, am I permitted to go to it?
Then, if one of my parents orders me to go to the condolence gathering, is it obligatory to obey them in that? May Allah grant you success.
The Shaykh : Yes, sitting for condolence gatherings: many scholars have explicitly stated that it is a religious innovation (bid'ah), and some of them, such as the followers of Imam Ahmad (may Allah have mercy on him), have explicitly stated that it is disliked (makruh). This is because it was not known during the time of the Companions, and because it indicates a type of distress and dissatisfaction, as if this person is saying to people: "Oh people, I am afflicted, so offer me your condolences." The duty of a person upon affliction is to be patient, to seek reward from Allah, and to know that to Allah belongs what He has taken and what He has left, and that everything with Him is by a specified term. It is not possible for a person to exceed what has been decreed for him and to close his door.
As for going to it, if the person is among the relatives who consider not coming to them a severing of family ties, then go to them, offer your condolences, and leave; do not sit.
And as for if his father orders him, if he is among the relatives, then as I said, he goes whether his father orders him or not. If he is not among the relatives, he should convince his father, saying: "O my father, they have no right over us, even if they are friends. If I see them in the market or in the mosque, I will offer them my condolences, but if I do not see them, it is not obligatory."
The questioner : Is it permissible for relatives?
The Shaykh : It is permissible for relatives, but even so, he does not sit. He should advise them and say: "Close the door, for this is not good. If it were good, the Companions and the Successors would have preceded us in it." Yes.