Explanation of the Book of Marriage-18
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The Shaykh : He says: “Aisha (may Allah be pleased with her) said: Mishkat al-Masabih 3235 It was narrated by the four, and Ibn Hibban and al-Hakim graded it as authentic, but al-Tirmidhi preferred that it be a mursal report”:
: And that is because he (peace and blessings be upon him) would allocate a day for this one and a day for that one, for the young and the old among them, so he would allocate a share for Sawdah and a share for Aisha; Aisha was young and Sawdah was old.
When Sawdah sensed that he would divorce her, she gave her day to Aisha, and she remained (may Allah be pleased with her) among the Mothers of the Believers.
And her saying: means: He is just among his wives in this division, so he does not lean toward one of them, but he proceeds with a just course in which there is no leaning toward this one or that one.
And he says, while being just (peace and blessings be upon him), he says:Sunan Abi Dawud 2134 meaning from justice, and he (peace and blessings be upon him) has the power to allocate a day for this one and a day for that one, and every person has this power.
Sunan Ibn Majah 1971Sahih (Darussalam) So a person cannot be just among women in love, because this is something that Allah places in the heart of a person, and he cannot get rid of it, nor can he be just among women. It was known among his wives and the Companions that the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) loved Aisha more than the others, to the extent that he was asked about it:
But does love have causes?
Yes, it has causes, and hatred has causes. So among the causes of love:
Spreading the greeting; spreading the greeting among Muslims is among the causes of love. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said:Sunan Abi Dawud 5193Sahih (Al-Albani).
And among that also is the gift, for it came in the hadith:.
And among that also is doing good to people with wealth, or with the body, or with status, for this brings about love.
And among that is visiting, exchanging visits, for it brings about love.
And among that is visiting the sick, for it brings about love, and it is more effective in bringing about love than ordinary visits, because the sick person rejoices greatly with the one who visits him, and he finds in his heart love for him.
These are causes, but these causes may have obstacles, meaning not every cause has an effect and yields its result; they may have obstacles.
The obstacles are either from the person himself, or from Allah (Mighty and Majestic); Allah (Mighty and Majestic) places in the heart of this man a lack of love for a person, even if he spreads the greeting with him, even if he gives him gifts, even if he visits him, because this is something from Allah (Mighty and Majestic). For this reason he said:Sunan Ibn Majah 1971Sahih (Darussalam).
This issue, meaning the issue of love, is not something a person can control. But what branches off from love, which is intercourse, is it obligatory for a person to be just among his wives in intercourse?
The scholars say: It is not obligatory, because intercourse follows love. So if he loves one more than the other, his desire for intercourse with her will be greater than his desire for intercourse with the other, without doubt, and perhaps he will not lean toward the other in this regard at all, especially if he is weak in desire, for he cannot bear to give to this one and that one, so you will find him neglecting the right of the other whose love is less than the love of the second.
For this reason the scholars said: It is not obligatory to be just among women in intercourse. Why?
Because that follows love, and a person has no power to control love.
But the correct view in this issue is that it is possible to be just in intercourse. For example, if a person preserves himself for the second and abstains and turns away from intercourse with the first, for example, because some people abstain from intercourse with one of the two wives because their desire for her is little, and they say: Instead of tiring myself in intercourse with her, I will make the intercourse with the other. So I will never have intercourse with her, and I will have intercourse with her twice in the night, for example. We say: If a person intends this, then that is forbidden, and this does not contradict this hadith:Sunan Ibn Majah 1971Sahih (Darussalam), because this is something he controls. So if he preserves his desire for the other, then that is something he controls, so it is not permissible. And this is what Ibn al-Qayyim (may Allah have mercy on him) mentioned in *Zad al-Ma'ad*, and it is the correct view. As for saying that it is not obligatory to be just in intercourse absolutely, that is questionable.
the Prophet used to divide his time among his wives equally and say, “O God, this is my division concerning what I possess, so do not blame me concerning what Thou possessest and I do not.”
كان النبي صلى الله عليه وسلم يقسم لنسائه فيعدل، ويقول: اللهم هذا قسمي فيما أملك فلا تلمني فيما تملك ولا أملكHe would divide his time among his wives
كان يقسم لنسائهWhen Sawdah sensed that he would divorce her, she gave her day to Aisha, and she remained (may Allah be pleased with her) among the Mothers of the Believers.
And her saying:
with justice
فيعدلAnd he says, while being just (peace and blessings be upon him), he says:
O Allah, this is my division concerning what I control
اللهم هذا قسمي فيما أملكso do not hold me accountable for that which is under Your control and is beyond my control
فلا تلمني فيما تملك ولا أملكWho is the most beloved of men to you? He said: Abu Bakr. They said: And of the women? He said: Aisha
من أحب الرجال إليك ؟ قال: أبوبكر، قالوا ومن النساء ؟ قال: عائشةBut does love have causes?
Yes, it has causes, and hatred has causes. So among the causes of love:
Spreading the greeting; spreading the greeting among Muslims is among the causes of love. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said:
By him in whose hand my soul is, you will not enter Paradise until you believe, and you will not believe until you love one another: should I not guide you to something doing which you will love one another: spread out salutation among you.
والله لا تدخلوا الجنة حتى تؤمنوا ولا تؤمنوا حتى تحابوا ، أفلا أخبركم بشيء إذا فعلتموه تحاببتم أفشوا السلام بينكمAnd among that also is the gift, for it came in the hadith:
Give and take, and you will love one another
تهادَوا تحابواAnd among that also is doing good to people with wealth, or with the body, or with status, for this brings about love.
And among that is visiting, exchanging visits, for it brings about love.
And among that is visiting the sick, for it brings about love, and it is more effective in bringing about love than ordinary visits, because the sick person rejoices greatly with the one who visits him, and he finds in his heart love for him.
These are causes, but these causes may have obstacles, meaning not every cause has an effect and yields its result; they may have obstacles.
The obstacles are either from the person himself, or from Allah (Mighty and Majestic); Allah (Mighty and Majestic) places in the heart of this man a lack of love for a person, even if he spreads the greeting with him, even if he gives him gifts, even if he visits him, because this is something from Allah (Mighty and Majestic). For this reason he said:
for that which is under Your control and is beyond my control
فيما تملك ولا أملكThis issue, meaning the issue of love, is not something a person can control. But what branches off from love, which is intercourse, is it obligatory for a person to be just among his wives in intercourse?
The scholars say: It is not obligatory, because intercourse follows love. So if he loves one more than the other, his desire for intercourse with her will be greater than his desire for intercourse with the other, without doubt, and perhaps he will not lean toward the other in this regard at all, especially if he is weak in desire, for he cannot bear to give to this one and that one, so you will find him neglecting the right of the other whose love is less than the love of the second.
For this reason the scholars said: It is not obligatory to be just among women in intercourse. Why?
Because that follows love, and a person has no power to control love.
But the correct view in this issue is that it is possible to be just in intercourse. For example, if a person preserves himself for the second and abstains and turns away from intercourse with the first, for example, because some people abstain from intercourse with one of the two wives because their desire for her is little, and they say: Instead of tiring myself in intercourse with her, I will make the intercourse with the other. So I will never have intercourse with her, and I will have intercourse with her twice in the night, for example. We say: If a person intends this, then that is forbidden, and this does not contradict this hadith: