"Or he was absent in a severing absence that cannot be severed except with difficulty and hardship, the husband of the most distant [guardian]"
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The Shaykh : The third is "or he was absent in a severing absence", and he explained the severing absence by saying it cannot be severed except with difficulty and hardship. These are three cases: if he is absent in a distant absence that cannot be severed except with difficulty and hardship, then the most distant [guardian] marries her. But the most distant [guardian] is the one who is the most vigilant regarding her after the father who was absent. Why? Because there is hardship in this. It was said that the absence is not measured by whether it cannot be severed except with difficulty and hardship, but rather that he was absent in an absence where the suitable suitor is lost by returning to him. This is more correct, meaning he was absent in an absence where if we delayed the suitable suitor, the proposal would be lost. The suitor would say, "I am setting a day for you. Today we cannot go to so-and-so to bring him or take a power of attorney from him." So what do we do?
The questioner : The most distant [guardian] marries her.
The Shaykh : The most distant [guardian] marries her because this causes the suitable suitor to be lost for the woman. Now, in our countries, for example, the father of the proposed woman is in Dammam and she is in Jeddah, which is the farthest distance in the Kingdom. Is the most distant [guardian] to marry her in this case?
The questioner : No.
The Shaykh : Why? Because it is easy; it can be done in less than a day. He writes a power of attorney by fax and sends it in minutes. Is that clear? But previously, when people traveled by camel, it took a month and a half, forty-five days going and forty-five days returning, a total of ninety days, which is three months. Do we tell the suitor to wait until we look for the father? He says, "Until when?" Three days? We say no. Three weeks? We say no. How long? Three months. He says, "If Allah wills, after three months the child will be born, and I will look for another." Is that not so? But now, praise be to Allah, transportation is easy. Now, these are three things: if he is not qualified, if he withholds marriage, and if he is absent. The author said, if his location is unknown, let us suppose, for example, that this woman's guardian is her brother. Her brother went to East Asia, saying he wants to call to Allah, or to fight in the path of Allah, or something similar, and we do not know where he is. Does the most distant [guardian] marry her?
The questioner : Yes.
The Shaykh : Does the most distant [guardian] marry her?
The questioner : Yes.
The Shaykh : Why? Because his location is unknown; we do not know when we will find his location, and then when we will take his permission.
He said "the most distant [guardian] marries her", but the problem now is that people do not dare to deal with this issue. You find the father refusing to marry off his daughter because the suitor did not give him what satisfies him regarding the mahr. The mahr is forty thousand; he says, "Give the daughter forty thousand, give me twenty thousand, give her mother ten thousand, give her aunt five thousand, give her maternal aunt two and a half thousand." Yes, and give the car driver, and get us a driver and a servant, and so on. Now, this is withholding marriage. If we tell her brother to marry her, or we tell her uncle to marry her, he says, "By Allah, we cannot, we cannot... [it is] upon the father." In this case, if the closest [guardian] refuses, we go to the next one, who is more distant. If all the 'asabah refuse and say, "By Allah, we cannot, we fear there will be fitnah," then it is obligatory for the judge to marry her. The legal ruler must marry her. If people used this, and it is legal, it is not a blameworthy thing, because much evil would be averted from these fathers who withhold marriage and sell their daughters openly. He says, "So-and-so gave me so much and so many thousands." So the result is that our problem now is that none of the relatives dare to marry her off, and her brother and father are present. This is wrong; this is considered injustice to this poor woman. Now, in this case, if her father refuses, and her uncles refuse, and all the 'asabah refuse, and the judge also becomes cowardly, then we say the second opinion, which is the school of Abu Hanifa, a school that is established among the schools of the Muslims: she marries herself, and the problem is resolved. Although this will be rarer than red sulfur and impossible, but if it were done, people would be averted from this control over their daughters. Some people mentioned to us more than fifteen years ago that a girl was on her deathbed, having passed the age of twenty, and she was proposed to often and desired by people, but her father refused. In the context of dying, she said to the women present, "Convey my greetings to my father and tell him that there will be a standing between me and him on the Day of Resurrection, before Allah, where he prevented me from getting married." This is a great word in the context of dying, threatening her father with standing before Allah (Mighty and Majestic). We ask Allah for safety. It is a great, major issue. And glory be to Allah, the man knows from himself that he wants this pleasure, wants this desire, yet he prevents the young woman who wants it as he does, or more. Some young women, if not for modesty and fear of Allah, would have committed many evils. So how does he prevent her? How does he satisfy himself with bread and meat and let his daughter or sister die of hunger? The hunger of sexual desire may be more severe than the hunger of the stomach. The desire of the stomach and the desire of the private parts are both necessary matters for every person. Therefore, it is obligatory for students of knowledge to warn against the withholding of guardians and to explain to people that the one who withholds has no honor. In fact, the scholars said that if his withholding is repeated, he becomes an open sinner whose testimony is not accepted, nor his guardianship, nor any work that requires justice. Did you understand? Now, if students of knowledge rise to spread such information among people, people may find it objectionable at first, and the brother will say, "How can I marry her off while my father is present?" But if that is repeated, and then there is a brave brother who marries her off while her father who withholds is present, people will follow. People only need the door to be opened; otherwise, the issue is tense. How many women call the shaykhs complaining about their guardians not marrying them off? Several men propose to the woman, reaching thirty or forty people, perhaps in two or three years, reaching this number, and yet he prevents her for a personal reason between him and the suitor, or out of envy for his daughter. Look, he envies his daughter. He envies his daughter that such a virtuous man proposes to her, or the daughter is an employee and he takes her salary, or she says, "O father, give me the salary," and he says, "You and your wealth, what do I have to do with you?" He plays with her. So the result is that I say it is obligatory for us, students of knowledge, to spread this among people so that at least they feel less hesitation in marrying off the most distant [guardian] while the closest is present, and then it becomes a practical matter, and we are saved from these problems. Now. He said, may Allah have mercy on him, "the most distant [guardian] marries her". Yes.
The questioner : The most distant [guardian] marries her.
The Shaykh : The most distant [guardian] marries her because this causes the suitable suitor to be lost for the woman. Now, in our countries, for example, the father of the proposed woman is in Dammam and she is in Jeddah, which is the farthest distance in the Kingdom. Is the most distant [guardian] to marry her in this case?
The questioner : No.
The Shaykh : Why? Because it is easy; it can be done in less than a day. He writes a power of attorney by fax and sends it in minutes. Is that clear? But previously, when people traveled by camel, it took a month and a half, forty-five days going and forty-five days returning, a total of ninety days, which is three months. Do we tell the suitor to wait until we look for the father? He says, "Until when?" Three days? We say no. Three weeks? We say no. How long? Three months. He says, "If Allah wills, after three months the child will be born, and I will look for another." Is that not so? But now, praise be to Allah, transportation is easy. Now, these are three things: if he is not qualified, if he withholds marriage, and if he is absent. The author said, if his location is unknown, let us suppose, for example, that this woman's guardian is her brother. Her brother went to East Asia, saying he wants to call to Allah, or to fight in the path of Allah, or something similar, and we do not know where he is. Does the most distant [guardian] marry her?
The questioner : Yes.
The Shaykh : Does the most distant [guardian] marry her?
The questioner : Yes.
The Shaykh : Why? Because his location is unknown; we do not know when we will find his location, and then when we will take his permission.
He said "the most distant [guardian] marries her", but the problem now is that people do not dare to deal with this issue. You find the father refusing to marry off his daughter because the suitor did not give him what satisfies him regarding the mahr. The mahr is forty thousand; he says, "Give the daughter forty thousand, give me twenty thousand, give her mother ten thousand, give her aunt five thousand, give her maternal aunt two and a half thousand." Yes, and give the car driver, and get us a driver and a servant, and so on. Now, this is withholding marriage. If we tell her brother to marry her, or we tell her uncle to marry her, he says, "By Allah, we cannot, we cannot... [it is] upon the father." In this case, if the closest [guardian] refuses, we go to the next one, who is more distant. If all the 'asabah refuse and say, "By Allah, we cannot, we fear there will be fitnah," then it is obligatory for the judge to marry her. The legal ruler must marry her. If people used this, and it is legal, it is not a blameworthy thing, because much evil would be averted from these fathers who withhold marriage and sell their daughters openly. He says, "So-and-so gave me so much and so many thousands." So the result is that our problem now is that none of the relatives dare to marry her off, and her brother and father are present. This is wrong; this is considered injustice to this poor woman. Now, in this case, if her father refuses, and her uncles refuse, and all the 'asabah refuse, and the judge also becomes cowardly, then we say the second opinion, which is the school of Abu Hanifa, a school that is established among the schools of the Muslims: she marries herself, and the problem is resolved. Although this will be rarer than red sulfur and impossible, but if it were done, people would be averted from this control over their daughters. Some people mentioned to us more than fifteen years ago that a girl was on her deathbed, having passed the age of twenty, and she was proposed to often and desired by people, but her father refused. In the context of dying, she said to the women present, "Convey my greetings to my father and tell him that there will be a standing between me and him on the Day of Resurrection, before Allah, where he prevented me from getting married." This is a great word in the context of dying, threatening her father with standing before Allah (Mighty and Majestic). We ask Allah for safety. It is a great, major issue. And glory be to Allah, the man knows from himself that he wants this pleasure, wants this desire, yet he prevents the young woman who wants it as he does, or more. Some young women, if not for modesty and fear of Allah, would have committed many evils. So how does he prevent her? How does he satisfy himself with bread and meat and let his daughter or sister die of hunger? The hunger of sexual desire may be more severe than the hunger of the stomach. The desire of the stomach and the desire of the private parts are both necessary matters for every person. Therefore, it is obligatory for students of knowledge to warn against the withholding of guardians and to explain to people that the one who withholds has no honor. In fact, the scholars said that if his withholding is repeated, he becomes an open sinner whose testimony is not accepted, nor his guardianship, nor any work that requires justice. Did you understand? Now, if students of knowledge rise to spread such information among people, people may find it objectionable at first, and the brother will say, "How can I marry her off while my father is present?" But if that is repeated, and then there is a brave brother who marries her off while her father who withholds is present, people will follow. People only need the door to be opened; otherwise, the issue is tense. How many women call the shaykhs complaining about their guardians not marrying them off? Several men propose to the woman, reaching thirty or forty people, perhaps in two or three years, reaching this number, and yet he prevents her for a personal reason between him and the suitor, or out of envy for his daughter. Look, he envies his daughter. He envies his daughter that such a virtuous man proposes to her, or the daughter is an employee and he takes her salary, or she says, "O father, give me the salary," and he says, "You and your wealth, what do I have to do with you?" He plays with her. So the result is that I say it is obligatory for us, students of knowledge, to spread this among people so that at least they feel less hesitation in marrying off the most distant [guardian] while the closest is present, and then it becomes a practical matter, and we are saved from these problems. Now. He said, may Allah have mercy on him, "the most distant [guardian] marries her". Yes.