Advice for women who curse their children and invoke evil upon them

The questioner : My Shaykh, some women, I mean, regarding children, it is not hidden from you that no matter what, a child remains a child. He will overpower this woman, break things, throw things, and put things down. So some women, I mean, cannot bear it except to start, for example, with cursing, or sometimes hitting, or I mean, invoking evil, or something similar. So, first of all, is this action permissible? And another matter: what do you advise such women to do so that, I mean, the burden arising from these troubles caused by the children is lightened for them?

The Shaykh : There is no doubt that we advise mothers, and with them fathers, to remain constantly supervising the upbringing of their daughters and sons, and that they intend by this the Face of Allah (Blessed and Exalted is He), and that they count their patience and steadfastness in their upbringing as a reward with Allah (Mighty and Majestic). As it came in the Noble Qur'an: And it is certain that cursing and abusing indicates irritation, a lack of patience, and dissatisfaction with the decree or the divine decree, each according to his or her situation. Therefore, it is not permissible for the mother or the father except to remain engaged in upbringing without irritation, let alone for that irritation to be accompanied by any cursing. In particular, I have heard from some neighbors here and there that a woman may curse, or she may curse the father of her son, meaning she may curse her husband. And some of them go beyond that to herself, cursing the child's parents. So she enters into this curse. All of this indicates the narrowness of vision and the poor character of these women and these mothers. Therefore, there is no advice we give except patience in the upbringing of the children. Even if Allah (Mighty and Majestic) decrees for them a long life and they reach the age of accountability and worship, whatever worship, prayer, or fasting they perform, and if that is a result of the upbringing of the father and mother, their rewards will be recorded in the books of the parents. And the opposite is the opposite, may Allah forbid, if they grow up wretched, far from the obedience of Allah and the obedience of His Messenger, due to the neglect of the parents toward the children, then they will be responsible and held accountable by the Lord of the Worlds for this bad effect that the child fell into due to the parents' neglect in his upbringing. And the opposite of that, we said this if Allah decrees for them life and reaching the age of accountability. And the opposite of that, if Allah decrees for them that they do not live and that they die before reaching the age of accountability, if the father and mother engaged in the upbringing of the child until his term came and Allah (Mighty and Majestic) took them to Himself and gathered them to Him, and the parents were patient, then that patience is among the strong and great causes that qualify the parents to enter Paradise without any punishment touching them, by the evidence of his saying (peace and blessings be upon him): So this fabric and this very, very great reward that Allah (Mighty and Majestic) records for the parents, they only deserve it by engaging in their upbringing and by doing what is best, not by doing what is worst. This is what Allah has made easy for me.

The questioner : May Allah reward you with good, O Shaykh.