Explanation of the Book of Marriage-12

The Shaykh : Then he said: "And from Hakim ibn Mu'awiyah, from his father (may Allah be pleased with him), who said:

I asked, "O Messenger of Allah, what are the rights of a wife of one of us on her husband?" He replied, "You should give her food when you eat, clothe her when you clothe yourself, not strike her on the face, and do not revile her or desert her except within the house."

قلت: يا رسول الله ما حق زوج أحدنا عليه ؟ قال : تطعمها إذا أكلت، وتكسوها إذا اكتسيت، ولا تضرب الوجه، ولا تقَبِّح، ولا تهجر إلا في البيت

Bulugh al-Maram 8:63

"
These are five things: three are prohibitions and two are commands:
His saying: : Who is the speaker?
The student: Hakim.

The Shaykh : No, the speaker is his father, Mu'awiyah ibn Haidah: :
He asked this question not just to know the right, but to know it, apply it, and fulfill it.
And his saying: : "Zawj" is masculine and does not have the feminine ta, and the questioner was a man, and it was expected that he would say: "Zawjaha" (wife), but "zawjaha" is poor language in Arabic, because "zawj" is used for both the male and the female, so one says to the woman: "zawj," and one says to the man: "zawj," but the scholars in the chapter of inheritance said: It is obligatory in the chapter of inheritance specifically to feminize the female, so we say: "zawj" and "zawjaha" in order to distinguish between them in the division, yes, and this is clear, but in the Arabic language, you use the masculine "zawj" for both the female and the male.
He said: : Meaning, do not eat and leave her hungry, but feed her when you eat, and the apparent meaning of his saying: is that you feed her from what you eat; if it is good, then good; if it is moderate, then moderate; and if it is poor, then poor.
: Likewise, do not clothe yourself while your wife is naked, but clothe her when you clothe yourself.
: And he did not say "do not strike" absolutely, because striking the wife is sometimes permissible, indeed commanded, but what is prohibited is striking the face for two reasons: The first reason: That striking the face is a greater humiliation than striking elsewhere, and a person feels this in himself; if a person strikes you on your face, it is more severe than if he struck you on your back, is it not so?
The second reason: That the face may be affected by this strike, so you would be altering the image in which Allah (Glorified and Exalted is He) created Adam, and this is undoubtedly a greater harm than if he struck him on his back.
Let us suppose he struck him on his back and his rib broke; this will be set and not affected, but if his face is scratched, this scratch remains, it remains permanently disfigured, and for this reason, striking the face is prohibited.
He said: : Meaning, do not disfigure the woman, i.e., do not describe her as ugly, and the apparent meaning of the hadith is do not describe her as ugly in appearance or in character, yes, in appearance, such as describing her with a defect in her face, in her eye, in her nose, in her ear, in her height, in her shortness, this is one. The second: character, that he says: You are a fool, you are crazy, and the like of that, do not disfigure, because this disfigurement will affect her, even in the long term, her psyche, it will affect her psyche, and Satan will remind her of this disfigurement constantly.
And his saying: : Meaning, do not boycott your wife by leaving the house, or boycott her by expelling her from the house, if you want to boycott, boycott in the house, and how is the boycott in the house?
Boycott in speech, meaning it is in speech, but it is limited to three days, and the evidence for that is his saying (peace and blessings be upon him): .
If it is said: Is the boycott of three days not sufficient?
We say: Praise be to Allah, it is not a problem, if three days have passed, enter upon her and say: Peace be upon you, whenever three days have passed, yes, greet her and the boycott is lifted, this is one. The second: Boycott in food, for example, if it is your custom that you dine with your family, boycott her to discipline her.
Thirdly: Boycott in sleep, boycott in sleep has many types, including leaving off intercourse and caressing and the like of that, and including that you meet her with your back when sleeping, and including that you make a bed for yourself and a bed for her, and including that you make a room for yourself and a room for her, the important thing is that there are many types, how many are these?
The student: Three.

The Shaykh : Three: speech, food, and sleep.
Good, and it is possible to say: That the boycott is breaking his custom if his custom with her is good, and he jokes with her a lot, and the like of that, it may be part of the boycott that he boycotts this trait, yes, and it is so.
Then know that the boycott is not permissible except for a reason, as will come, if Allah wills, in what follows.