Ruling on marrying off a girl when her grandmother objects
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Question:
The first message in this episode was sent to the program from the United Arab Emirates by one of the brothers there. The sender (M. S. S.) from Ras Al Khaimah, our brother, went to a lot of trouble when he sent his message via express mail, and it seems the matter is urgent, so he began by saying: In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
To His Eminence Shaykh Abdul Aziz ibn Abdullah ibn Baz.
Peace be upon you, and Allah's mercy and blessings.
O Shaykh! I am the father of a girl to whom a young man has proposed whom I have approved in terms of his religion and character. Her mother, the engaged daughter, her brothers, and her paternal and maternal grandparents, as well as all the relatives, have agreed, except for my mother, who is the girl’s paternal grandmother. Should I marry my daughter to this young man whom we have all approved? Or should I follow my mother’s opinion? Please advise us, may Allah reward you, may Allah reward you with good.
Answer:
In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful. Praise be to Allah, and may Allah send prayers and peace upon the Messenger of Allah, and upon his family and his Companions, and upon whoever follows his guidance.
To proceed: It is obligatory for you and for the entire family to facilitate the marriage of the girl to a righteous man who is approved in his religion and morals. Whoever disagrees with this, his disagreement is not to be considered, whether the objector is the grandmother or someone else; because the Messenger (peace and blessings be upon him) said in the authentic hadith:Sahih al-Bukhari 6970, they said: O Messenger of Allah! How is her permission? He said: It is agreed upon as authentic. He also said (peace and blessings be upon him): Jami` at-Tirmidhi 1084Da'if (Darussalam), and in another wording: , this indicates that it is obligatory to marry off a suitable match and not to reject him if the engaged girl is pleased with him. As long as she is pleased, praise be to Allah, and you are also pleased with him; this is one of the great blessings of Allah, and we ask Allah for success for everyone. It is not permissible to object to this on the basis of the grandmother’s opinion or that of anyone else.
The presenter: May Allah reward you with good, His Eminence the Shaykh! This often happens in many households, where a girl is prevented from marrying because of the opinion of one family member; it would be desirable if you would please give general guidance on this topic.
The Shaykh: It is obligatory for the family—especially for her guardian—to choose for her a righteous, good man in his religion and approved in his character. If she is pleased, then she must be married off, and it is not permissible for anyone to object to this out of personal desire, or for some other worldly purpose, or out of enmity and hatred. None of this is to be considered; rather, what is considered is that he is approved in his religion and morals. For this reason, the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said in the authentic hadith regarding the woman:Bulugh al-Maram 8:5, the same is said regarding the man, equally so. It is obligatory to secure a person of religion, and if some people from the family refuse, they are not to be heeded. Yes.
The presenter: May Allah reward you with good, His Eminence the Shaykh! The girl’s salary and job, as well as the suitor’s financial and social status, and the engaged girl’s studies; these are sometimes reasons for delaying marriage. Your guidance, if you would please.
The Shaykh: It is obligatory to hasten with marriage, and it is not befitting for a young man to delay marriage for the sake of study, nor is it befitting for a girl to delay marriage for study. Marriage does not prevent [study]; it is possible for the young man to marry, preserve his religion and character, and lower his gaze, and with this, continue his studies, praise be to Allah. And so with the girl: if Allah makes a suitable match easy for her, she should hasten with marriage even if she is studying, whether in high school or in higher education. None of this prevents it.
So it is obligatory to hasten with approval of the marriage if a suitable match proposes, and study does not prevent this. Even if she cuts off her studies, there is no harm, even if she cuts off her studies. The important thing is that she learns what she needs to know of her religion, and the rest is benefit. Marriage has many benefits, especially in this age, and leaving it off carries danger for the young man and for the girl.
So it is obligatory for every young man and every girl to hasten with marriage if a suitable suitor is made easy for the woman, and if a good engaged girl is made easy for the young man; let him hasten, acting in accordance with the saying of the noble Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) in the authentic hadith:Mishkat al-Masabih 3080, it is agreed upon as authentic. This includes the young men and the young women, it is not specific to men, but it includes everyone, and they are all in need of marriage. We ask Allah for guidance and success for everyone.
The presenter: O Allah, amen. May Allah reward you with good. So I understand from what you have favored us with, Shaykh Abdul Aziz, that everything other than marriage is considered from the category of the extra.
The Shaykh: If she has learned what she needs to know of her religion, and he has likewise learned what enables him to know his religion; praise be to Allah. This is if it is assumed that the husband prevents [study], but if it does not prevent, praise be to Allah.
The point is: that the young man learns what enables him to understand his religion, and the girl likewise. This does not prevent the young man from marrying, nor does it prevent the girl from being married off. If the young man continues in his studies; praise be to Allah. And if he engages in seeking a livelihood to support himself and his wife, there is no harm. He is able to learn outside of school, in the mosques and from the scholars, or evening study if that is made easy. And the girl likewise, if she obtains learning of what she cannot be ignorant of from her religion; praise be to Allah. She should not delay marriage. Perhaps marriage will be made easy for her along with study, and her husband will allow it. Perhaps a special evening study will be made easy for her in a safe, good place that her husband approves of. Perhaps she will study through listening to (Nur 'ala al-Darb) and similar lectures and seminars that are broadcast, if the girl selects them in their times for the sake of benefit; then they are great, beneficial lessons. And so for men: the old and the young, beneficial, great lessons, if they attend to them in their times, from this program and from other Islamic studies. We ask Allah for guidance and success for everyone. Yes.
The presenter: O Allah, amen. May Allah reward you with good.
The first message in this episode was sent to the program from the United Arab Emirates by one of the brothers there. The sender (M. S. S.) from Ras Al Khaimah, our brother, went to a lot of trouble when he sent his message via express mail, and it seems the matter is urgent, so he began by saying: In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
To His Eminence Shaykh Abdul Aziz ibn Abdullah ibn Baz.
Peace be upon you, and Allah's mercy and blessings.
O Shaykh! I am the father of a girl to whom a young man has proposed whom I have approved in terms of his religion and character. Her mother, the engaged daughter, her brothers, and her paternal and maternal grandparents, as well as all the relatives, have agreed, except for my mother, who is the girl’s paternal grandmother. Should I marry my daughter to this young man whom we have all approved? Or should I follow my mother’s opinion? Please advise us, may Allah reward you, may Allah reward you with good.
Answer:
In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful. Praise be to Allah, and may Allah send prayers and peace upon the Messenger of Allah, and upon his family and his Companions, and upon whoever follows his guidance.
To proceed: It is obligatory for you and for the entire family to facilitate the marriage of the girl to a righteous man who is approved in his religion and morals. Whoever disagrees with this, his disagreement is not to be considered, whether the objector is the grandmother or someone else; because the Messenger (peace and blessings be upon him) said in the authentic hadith:
A lady slave should not be given in marriage until she is consulted, and a virgin should not be given in marriage until her permission is granted.
لا تنكح الأيم حتى تستأمر، ولا تنكح البكر حتى تستأذنThat she remains silent.
أن تسكتWhen someone whose religion and character you are pleased with proposes to (someone under the care) of one of you, then marry to him. If you do not do so, then there will be turmoil (Fitnah) in the land and abounding discord (Fasad).
إذا خطب إليكم من ترضون دينه وخلقه؛ فزوجوه، إلا تفعلوه تكن فتنة في الأرض وفساد كبيرand great corruption
وفساد عريضThe presenter: May Allah reward you with good, His Eminence the Shaykh! This often happens in many households, where a girl is prevented from marrying because of the opinion of one family member; it would be desirable if you would please give general guidance on this topic.
The Shaykh: It is obligatory for the family—especially for her guardian—to choose for her a righteous, good man in his religion and approved in his character. If she is pleased, then she must be married off, and it is not permissible for anyone to object to this out of personal desire, or for some other worldly purpose, or out of enmity and hatred. None of this is to be considered; rather, what is considered is that he is approved in his religion and morals. For this reason, the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said in the authentic hadith regarding the woman:
A woman is married for four qualities, for her wealth, her family status, her beauty and her religion: so get the religious one and prosper.
تنكح المرأة لأربع: لمالها، ولجمالها، ولحسبها، ودينها، فاظفر بذات الدين تربت يداكThe presenter: May Allah reward you with good, His Eminence the Shaykh! The girl’s salary and job, as well as the suitor’s financial and social status, and the engaged girl’s studies; these are sometimes reasons for delaying marriage. Your guidance, if you would please.
The Shaykh: It is obligatory to hasten with marriage, and it is not befitting for a young man to delay marriage for the sake of study, nor is it befitting for a girl to delay marriage for study. Marriage does not prevent [study]; it is possible for the young man to marry, preserve his religion and character, and lower his gaze, and with this, continue his studies, praise be to Allah. And so with the girl: if Allah makes a suitable match easy for her, she should hasten with marriage even if she is studying, whether in high school or in higher education. None of this prevents it.
So it is obligatory to hasten with approval of the marriage if a suitable match proposes, and study does not prevent this. Even if she cuts off her studies, there is no harm, even if she cuts off her studies. The important thing is that she learns what she needs to know of her religion, and the rest is benefit. Marriage has many benefits, especially in this age, and leaving it off carries danger for the young man and for the girl.
So it is obligatory for every young man and every girl to hasten with marriage if a suitable suitor is made easy for the woman, and if a good engaged girl is made easy for the young man; let him hasten, acting in accordance with the saying of the noble Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) in the authentic hadith:
Young man, those of you who can support a wife should marry, for it keeps you from looking at strange women and preserves you from immorality; but those who cannot should devote themselves to fasting, for it is a means of suppressing sexual desire.
يا معشر الشباب! من استطاع منكم الباءة فليتزوج؛ فإنه أغض للبصر وأحصن للفرج، ومن لم يستطع فعليه بالصوم؛ فإنه له وجاءThe presenter: O Allah, amen. May Allah reward you with good. So I understand from what you have favored us with, Shaykh Abdul Aziz, that everything other than marriage is considered from the category of the extra.
The Shaykh: If she has learned what she needs to know of her religion, and he has likewise learned what enables him to know his religion; praise be to Allah. This is if it is assumed that the husband prevents [study], but if it does not prevent, praise be to Allah.
The point is: that the young man learns what enables him to understand his religion, and the girl likewise. This does not prevent the young man from marrying, nor does it prevent the girl from being married off. If the young man continues in his studies; praise be to Allah. And if he engages in seeking a livelihood to support himself and his wife, there is no harm. He is able to learn outside of school, in the mosques and from the scholars, or evening study if that is made easy. And the girl likewise, if she obtains learning of what she cannot be ignorant of from her religion; praise be to Allah. She should not delay marriage. Perhaps marriage will be made easy for her along with study, and her husband will allow it. Perhaps a special evening study will be made easy for her in a safe, good place that her husband approves of. Perhaps she will study through listening to (Nur 'ala al-Darb) and similar lectures and seminars that are broadcast, if the girl selects them in their times for the sake of benefit; then they are great, beneficial lessons. And so for men: the old and the young, beneficial, great lessons, if they attend to them in their times, from this program and from other Islamic studies. We ask Allah for guidance and success for everyone. Yes.
The presenter: O Allah, amen. May Allah reward you with good.
Source
binbaz.org.sa
The Arabic text is copied verbatim from the original source, without any edits.