Is the one who seeks reconciliation with relatives while they refuse sinful?
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Question:
At the beginning of this episode, Your Eminence the Shaykh, a message was received by the program from Bahrain, sent by one of the sisters, identified as (F. K). Our sister’s message is somewhat lengthy, but it describes a problem that occurred between her and one of her friends. She says: One day, a misunderstanding occurred between me and a relative of mine, which caused this relative to hold a grudge against me. This is the third year of our estrangement. I have not wronged her, nor do I wish to hold a grudge against her. She started it, and she is the one who estranged me. Allah is the best witness to what I say. I am a religious, veiled girl, and I know the fundamentals of my Islamic religion, and this is by the grace of Allah the Exalted.
Her mother also intervened between us, taking on a dispute with me and estranging me as well. I went to her and greeted her during the Ramadan festival, but she did not speak to me. Her husband passed away, and I went to her to offer condolences, but she did not speak to me. I went to her when she came out of her waiting period and greeted her again, but she did not speak to me. She did not even greet me when she saw me in the street. However, when I see her, I greet her; because the greeting is for the face of Allah the Exalted, and I fear Allah and His Messenger (peace and blessings be upon him); because I have read and learned that a believer does not hold a grudge against his believing brother for three days, and that our deeds do not ascend to Allah (Glorified and Exalted is He) until we reconcile. And I, Your Eminence the Shaykh! I want this reconciliation to win the pleasure of the Creator (Mighty and Majestic) and the pleasure of His Messenger (peace and blessings be upon him). Am I wrong? Please advise us, may Allah reward you with the reward of this world and the Hereafter.
Answer:
In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful. Praise be to Allah, and may Allah send prayers and blessings upon the Messenger of Allah, and upon his family and his Companions, and upon those who follow his guidance. As for what follows:
If the reality is as you described, then the sin is upon her, while you have no sin upon you; because you have performed what is required of you. You strove for her pleasure and to remove the estrangement, but she did not do so, so the sin is upon her and nothing is upon you. You have performed what is required of you in seeking forgiveness and reconciliation. It is authentic from the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) that he said:Sahih Muslim 2560a, and it came in some hadiths: "If a man starts with his brother and greets him, but he does not return the greeting, the sin is upon the one who left the return."
The one who started with the greeting has been saved from the blame; because he performed his right. So you have performed what is required of you if the reality is as you described, and the sin is upon her. Praise be to Allah who made you strive against your self and exert yourself in performing the right. It is authentic from the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) that he said:.
Likewise, if there is enmity between a woman and her sister, the ruling is the same as for the two men. The believer and the believing woman should strive to avoid enmity, and strive for love in Allah, mutual advice, and cooperation in good, so that Satan does not find a way to separate each of them from the other through causes of following desires and Satan.
The believer always seeks what pleases Allah, brings him closer to Him, and conforms to His Shari'ah in every state, even if it contradicts his desire. If enmity or estrangement occurs between him and his brother, it is obligatory for him not to persist in falsehood, and to strive to conform to the Shari'ah. He should not exceed three days regarding the enmity between him and his brother in worldly matters, in the disputes that occur among people. Likewise, women among themselves.
However, if the estrangement is in the right of Allah, in order to expose sins or in order to expose religious innovations, then this has no limit in days, but its limit is repentance. So whenever the one who declares sins or religious innovations repents, his estrangement is left. And whenever he remains in his state, he is to be estranged. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) estranged three of the Companions who lagged behind the expedition without a valid religious excuse, after the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) had mobilized them. He estranged them, and the Muslims estranged them for fifty nights until Allah turned to them in mercy, so he permitted speaking to them (peace and blessings be upon him).
The point is: It is obligatory for the believer not to follow his desire and not to rule by his opinion, but rather to make his opinion and desire follow the ruling of Allah and His Messenger.
It is obligatory for the believer and the believing woman to fear Allah. Saying: "I fear Allah and His Messenger," this is subject to consideration. Fear is for Allah (Exalted and Majestic is He): [Al-Imran: 175]. So the Messenger (peace and blessings be upon him) is obeyed and followed, and he is not feared after his death (peace and blessings be upon him). Rather, Allah (Glorified and Exalted is He) is feared, He is the one in whose hand is the loosening and the binding, and in whose hand is the management of affairs, and to Him is the desire. As He (Exalted and Majestic is He) said: [Al-Sharh: 7-8]. He said: [An-Nahl: 51].
So awe is for Him, and desire is for Him (Glorified and Exalted is He) . He is the one who is feared and hoped for, and to Him is desired and from Him is feared. So the believer says: "I fear Allah, I fear Allah (Glorified and Exalted is He)," as He the Exalted said: [At-Tawbah: 18]. So the believer fears his Lord, accounts himself, and obeys Allah and His Messenger. He says: "I obey Allah and His Messenger, I follow the command of Allah and His Messenger." And he says: "I fear Allah and I fear Allah; because He is the one in whose hand is the turning of affairs, He is the Preventer and the Giver, He is the Benefactor and the Harmer, and He is the one in whose hand is salvation and happiness and the opposite of that.
As for the created being, he has nothing of that in his hand. But if he is alive, there is no harm in fearing the natural, known, ordinary fear that necessitates performing the right and taking the means. He fears the ruler, so he does not expose himself to the causes of the ruler's punishment. He fears the people of the house, so he does not expose himself to stealing their property and harming them, lest they harm and hurt him or raise his case to the ruler so he is punished by amputation for theft... and the like. This is ordinary, natural fear, which does not harm the person if it does not lead him to disobey Allah (Glorified and Exalted is He) . And just as he fears from thieves, he locks his door and guards his property. He fears from highway robbers, so he carries his weapon. He fears from wild beasts, so he guards against their evil and takes his weapon. He fears from some foods or some drinks that harm him, so he leaves them... and the like. This is a known natural fear that the created being can estimate, so he fears to that extent, with the steadfastness of fear of Allah in everything and its stability in the heart. But the living, present created being is feared to the extent of the punishments and danger he has, just as a person also fears from wild beasts as mentioned, and snakes and scorpions, so he guards against their evil by the ways by which their evil is guarded against, and there is no harm in that.
As for the fear of the secret, this pertains to Allah alone. The fact that a person fears Allah in the secret of his heart, and knows that Allah is the one in whose hand is the management of affairs, so he fears Him (Glorified and Exalted is He) and fears Him; because He is the Able to do everything; because He is the Knower of what is in the heart; because He is the Knower of everything. This is what is obligatory. So whoever associates other than Allah in this fear, it becomes shirk (associating partners with Allah) with Allah. So whoever believes that the awliya (close friends of Allah) know what is in the heart, or that the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) knows what is in his heart, and that it is obligatory for him to fear him after his death, and that if he does not fear him, he will harm him, this is ignorance and shirk (associating partners with Allah). We ask Allah for safety. Yes.
The presenter: May Allah bless you.
At the beginning of this episode, Your Eminence the Shaykh, a message was received by the program from Bahrain, sent by one of the sisters, identified as (F. K). Our sister’s message is somewhat lengthy, but it describes a problem that occurred between her and one of her friends. She says: One day, a misunderstanding occurred between me and a relative of mine, which caused this relative to hold a grudge against me. This is the third year of our estrangement. I have not wronged her, nor do I wish to hold a grudge against her. She started it, and she is the one who estranged me. Allah is the best witness to what I say. I am a religious, veiled girl, and I know the fundamentals of my Islamic religion, and this is by the grace of Allah the Exalted.
Her mother also intervened between us, taking on a dispute with me and estranging me as well. I went to her and greeted her during the Ramadan festival, but she did not speak to me. Her husband passed away, and I went to her to offer condolences, but she did not speak to me. I went to her when she came out of her waiting period and greeted her again, but she did not speak to me. She did not even greet me when she saw me in the street. However, when I see her, I greet her; because the greeting is for the face of Allah the Exalted, and I fear Allah and His Messenger (peace and blessings be upon him); because I have read and learned that a believer does not hold a grudge against his believing brother for three days, and that our deeds do not ascend to Allah (Glorified and Exalted is He) until we reconcile. And I, Your Eminence the Shaykh! I want this reconciliation to win the pleasure of the Creator (Mighty and Majestic) and the pleasure of His Messenger (peace and blessings be upon him). Am I wrong? Please advise us, may Allah reward you with the reward of this world and the Hereafter.
Answer:
In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful. Praise be to Allah, and may Allah send prayers and blessings upon the Messenger of Allah, and upon his family and his Companions, and upon those who follow his guidance. As for what follows:
If the reality is as you described, then the sin is upon her, while you have no sin upon you; because you have performed what is required of you. You strove for her pleasure and to remove the estrangement, but she did not do so, so the sin is upon her and nothing is upon you. You have performed what is required of you in seeking forgiveness and reconciliation. It is authentic from the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) that he said:
It is not permissible for a Muslim to have estranged relations with his brother beyond three nights, the one turning one way and the other turning the other way when they meet; the better of the two is one who is the first to give a greeting.
لا يحل لمسلم أن يهجر أخاه فوق ثلاث، يلتقيان فيعرض هذا ويعرض هذا، وخيرهما الذي يبدأ بالسلامThe one who started with the greeting has been saved from the blame; because he performed his right. So you have performed what is required of you if the reality is as you described, and the sin is upon her. Praise be to Allah who made you strive against your self and exert yourself in performing the right. It is authentic from the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) that he said:
Deeds are presented to Allah (Glorified and Exalted is He) every Monday and Thursday, so Allah forgives every Muslim who does not associate anything with Allah, except a man between whom and his brother is enmity. So Allah says: "Leave these two until they reconcile."
تعرض الأعمال على الله سبحانه في كل إثنين وخميس، فيغفر الله لكل مسلم لا يشرك بالله شيئًا، إلا رجلًا كانت بينه وبين أخيه شحناء، فيقول الله: دعوا هذين حتى يصطلحاLikewise, if there is enmity between a woman and her sister, the ruling is the same as for the two men. The believer and the believing woman should strive to avoid enmity, and strive for love in Allah, mutual advice, and cooperation in good, so that Satan does not find a way to separate each of them from the other through causes of following desires and Satan.
The believer always seeks what pleases Allah, brings him closer to Him, and conforms to His Shari'ah in every state, even if it contradicts his desire. If enmity or estrangement occurs between him and his brother, it is obligatory for him not to persist in falsehood, and to strive to conform to the Shari'ah. He should not exceed three days regarding the enmity between him and his brother in worldly matters, in the disputes that occur among people. Likewise, women among themselves.
However, if the estrangement is in the right of Allah, in order to expose sins or in order to expose religious innovations, then this has no limit in days, but its limit is repentance. So whenever the one who declares sins or religious innovations repents, his estrangement is left. And whenever he remains in his state, he is to be estranged. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) estranged three of the Companions who lagged behind the expedition without a valid religious excuse, after the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) had mobilized them. He estranged them, and the Muslims estranged them for fifty nights until Allah turned to them in mercy, so he permitted speaking to them (peace and blessings be upon him).
The point is: It is obligatory for the believer not to follow his desire and not to rule by his opinion, but rather to make his opinion and desire follow the ruling of Allah and His Messenger.
It is obligatory for the believer and the believing woman to fear Allah. Saying: "I fear Allah and His Messenger," this is subject to consideration. Fear is for Allah (Exalted and Majestic is He):
So fear them not, but fear Me, if you are [indeed] believers.
فَلا تَخَافُوهُمْ وَخَافُونِ إِنْ كُنْتُمْ مُؤْمِنِينَ(7) So when you have finished [your duties], then stand up [for worship]. (8) And to your Lord direct [your] longing.
فَإِذَا فَرَغْتَ فَانصَبْ وَإِلَى رَبِّكَ فَارْغَبْSo fear Me alone.
فَإِيَّايَ فَارْهَبُونِSo awe is for Him, and desire is for Him (Glorified and Exalted is He) . He is the one who is feared and hoped for, and to Him is desired and from Him is feared. So the believer says: "I fear Allah, I fear Allah (Glorified and Exalted is He)," as He the Exalted said:
and do not fear except Allah
وَلَمْ يَخْشَ إِلَّا اللَّهَAs for the created being, he has nothing of that in his hand. But if he is alive, there is no harm in fearing the natural, known, ordinary fear that necessitates performing the right and taking the means. He fears the ruler, so he does not expose himself to the causes of the ruler's punishment. He fears the people of the house, so he does not expose himself to stealing their property and harming them, lest they harm and hurt him or raise his case to the ruler so he is punished by amputation for theft... and the like. This is ordinary, natural fear, which does not harm the person if it does not lead him to disobey Allah (Glorified and Exalted is He) . And just as he fears from thieves, he locks his door and guards his property. He fears from highway robbers, so he carries his weapon. He fears from wild beasts, so he guards against their evil and takes his weapon. He fears from some foods or some drinks that harm him, so he leaves them... and the like. This is a known natural fear that the created being can estimate, so he fears to that extent, with the steadfastness of fear of Allah in everything and its stability in the heart. But the living, present created being is feared to the extent of the punishments and danger he has, just as a person also fears from wild beasts as mentioned, and snakes and scorpions, so he guards against their evil by the ways by which their evil is guarded against, and there is no harm in that.
As for the fear of the secret, this pertains to Allah alone. The fact that a person fears Allah in the secret of his heart, and knows that Allah is the one in whose hand is the management of affairs, so he fears Him (Glorified and Exalted is He) and fears Him; because He is the Able to do everything; because He is the Knower of what is in the heart; because He is the Knower of everything. This is what is obligatory. So whoever associates other than Allah in this fear, it becomes shirk (associating partners with Allah) with Allah. So whoever believes that the awliya (close friends of Allah) know what is in the heart, or that the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) knows what is in his heart, and that it is obligatory for him to fear him after his death, and that if he does not fear him, he will harm him, this is ignorance and shirk (associating partners with Allah). We ask Allah for safety. Yes.
The presenter: May Allah bless you.
Source
binbaz.org.sa
The Arabic text is copied verbatim from the original source, without any edits.