Advice on a woman’s obedience to her husband, and the ruling on the muhallil

Question:
The second message in this evening’s session is from a listener (E. F.), an Egyptian national working in the Kingdom. Her message is long, but in summary, she says: she is married and she disobeys her husband out of ignorance, and she is always angry with him. She never gives him his rights as a husband, and she frequently asks him for a divorce. He has divorced her twice. When they go to the marriage officer, he refuses to accept the divorce because it is in a state of anger, but she insists on asking for the divorce, so the officer agrees until the number of divorces reached three on the officer’s hand. Since she—according to her—loves him and he loves her, and they both wish to return to each other, her father objected to that. He is, as she says, a holder of the Book, and he advised her that she is not lawful for her husband until she marries another man. In this situation, they went to the marriage officer in their town, and he told her: you can bring a muhallil.
And in fact, they agreed with a good man who wants their well-being—as she says in her message—to marry her, and the next day to divorce her without touching her as a husband. She completed her waiting period and returned to her husband after the waiting period. She lived in this state for five years, during which she gave birth to two children. She lives with her husband in stubbornness, problems, and ingratitude, while he is patient and enduring, as she says in her message.
She has traveled abroad for a year and met good people who advised her that it is not permissible for her to disobey her husband, and they explained to her the ruling of Allah. She is now regretful and repentant, and she wants to know what the ruling is regarding her staying with her husband: does she stay with him, or is he to separate from her? And if he separates from her, what is the fate of the two children who were born after the last divorce? This is the summary of her message, O Your Eminence, the Shaykh?

Answer:
First: It is obligatory for the wife to obey her husband in what is right, and to treat him with kindness; because his right is great. And Allah, Glorified and Exalted is He, said: [Surat al-Nisa: 19] And He, the Exalted, said: [Surat al-Baqarah: 228] And the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) advised the woman to listen and obey her husband, and he said: And in another wording: So the matter is great and the danger is serious. And he also said, may Allah’s prayers and blessings be upon him: This is a severe warning. So asking for divorce without a cause, without a valid reason, is not permissible. And the woman must listen and obey, speak kindly, and treat him well in what is right in what Allah has made lawful and prescribed . She has no right to disobey her husband or to disturb him and harm him, neither by words nor by actions. Whenever he asks for her for his need in her person, she must respond, and whenever he orders her, she must obey in what concerns their affairs, and likewise what concerns serving the house and bringing food, and what is customary between the two spouses. These are matters in which she is required to obey her husband, and to address him in the best manner, and to proceed with him in the good way that the righteous among the Muslims have known among themselves. As for divorce, Allah has specified divorce and made it three. So if he divorces her and then takes her back, and then divorces her and then takes her back, and he is sane, and he divorced her in the Shari'ah manner, and then divorces her for the third time, then the third divorce makes her unlawful for him. And he has no right to marry her except after a lawful husband who has intercourse with her and then divorces her or dies from her. After that, it becomes lawful for him to take her back.
As for the muhallil: it is not permissible, rather it is an abomination and it is an invalid marriage. The Messenger (peace and blessings be upon him) and refuge is sought in Allah! So for him to marry her as a muhallil, and they agree with him that he will marry her and then separate from her, this is an abomination and one of the major sins, and its doer is cursed, both the muhallil and the one for whom the muhallil is done. And it does not make her lawful for the previous husband. So what they did with the muhallil is an abomination and a corrupt path, and its doer has engaged in a great major sin, and she remains unlawful for her husband. And she must separate from him until she marries a lawful husband, and until the lawful husband has intercourse with her and then separates from her by death or divorce, and then she completes her waiting period.
As for the children who came from this invalid marriage, they are the children of her husband due to the doubt, because of the doubt; because this occurred out of doubt and ignorance, so the children are attributed to this husband and are related to him. But she and her husband must repent to Allah, feel regret, cease, and make a sincere resolve not to return to such an abomination. And whenever she marries a lawful husband, not a muhallil, and he has intercourse with her and then divorces her or dies from her, then she becomes lawful for this husband of hers.
The presenter: So the summary, Your Eminence, the Shaykh, is that she separates from her husband and he separates from her now.
The Shaykh: The summary is that she is staying with him in a state of haram, and she must separate from him and he must separate from her, and both of them must repent to Allah, Glorified and Exalted is He. As for their children, they are attributed to their father; because of the doubt, because of the intercourse of doubt. And she has no right to return to him ever except after a lawful marriage, after a lawful husband who has intercourse with her and then separates from her by death or divorce, and after that her first husband may marry her if he wishes. Yes. We ask Allah for safety. Yes.
The presenter: May Allah reward you and may Allah reward you with good.