The Ruling on Obeying One's Parents in Ordering the Divorce of One's Wife
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His Eminence the Shaykh: Many of the brothers complain that the mother may not like her son's wife, and the son may be attached to his wife and love her, so the mother orders him to divorce her, and likewise the father may order him to do so. So, if he refuses to divorce his wife, is he considered undutiful to his parents?
It is not obligatory for the son to obey his parents if they order him to divorce his wife; because this pertains to a personal desire specific to the individual, and he is not obligated to accept what his parents ordered him to do regarding parting with his wife.As if they said to him: [They might say] "Do not eat from this food, do not eat meat, do not eat rice, do not eat this specific thing," which is something he craves. He is not obligated to obey them in that; because they have no benefit in it, and it causes harm to him by depriving him of what he loves.
Likewise, if they said: "Divorce your wife."
He is not obligated to divorce her except for a known legal reason that the husband acknowledges. In that case, he is obligated to do so—not because of their order—even if they had not ordered him to do so. Perhaps someone will bring up to us the story of 'Abdullah ibn 'Umar with his father (may Allah be pleased with them both), where 'Umar ordered his son 'Abdullah to divorce his wife, so the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) ordered 'Abdullah to divorce her.
And the answer to this is: This objection was raised to the famous Imam Ahmad ibn Hanbal (may Allah have mercy on him), where a questioner asked him, saying: "My father orders me to divorce my wife."
So he said to him: "Do not divorce her."
So he brought up the hadith of 'Umar to him, and Imam Ahmad gave him a sound answer,He said: "Is your father 'Umar?"Meaning: "Is your father like 'Umar, who does not order anything except what is absolutely necessary?"So the answer is: No, and if the answer is in the negative, then the analogy is not valid.
And the parents should fear Allah (Mighty and Majestic), and not separate a man from his wife; lest they be like the sorcerers who learn from the jinn what they use to separate a man from his wife. And if the son sees that the situation will not be right with the wife and the mother in one house, then in this case he and his wife should leave the house and be separate from the mother.He might say: "The mother is not satisfied that I be separate with my wife in another house."We say: And if she is not satisfied, it is said to her: "Either you improve the relationship, or I will leave."
But despite that, let no one think that we prefer the side of the wife in this case. If it is assumed that the wife mistreats the mother, then it is obligatory for the husband to forbid her and discipline her.
It is not obligatory for the son to obey his parents if they order him to divorce his wife; because this pertains to a personal desire specific to the individual, and he is not obligated to accept what his parents ordered him to do regarding parting with his wife.As if they said to him: [They might say] "Do not eat from this food, do not eat meat, do not eat rice, do not eat this specific thing," which is something he craves. He is not obligated to obey them in that; because they have no benefit in it, and it causes harm to him by depriving him of what he loves.
Likewise, if they said: "Divorce your wife."
He is not obligated to divorce her except for a known legal reason that the husband acknowledges. In that case, he is obligated to do so—not because of their order—even if they had not ordered him to do so. Perhaps someone will bring up to us the story of 'Abdullah ibn 'Umar with his father (may Allah be pleased with them both), where 'Umar ordered his son 'Abdullah to divorce his wife, so the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) ordered 'Abdullah to divorce her.
And the answer to this is: This objection was raised to the famous Imam Ahmad ibn Hanbal (may Allah have mercy on him), where a questioner asked him, saying: "My father orders me to divorce my wife."
So he said to him: "Do not divorce her."
So he brought up the hadith of 'Umar to him, and Imam Ahmad gave him a sound answer,He said: "Is your father 'Umar?"Meaning: "Is your father like 'Umar, who does not order anything except what is absolutely necessary?"So the answer is: No, and if the answer is in the negative, then the analogy is not valid.
And the parents should fear Allah (Mighty and Majestic), and not separate a man from his wife; lest they be like the sorcerers who learn from the jinn what they use to separate a man from his wife. And if the son sees that the situation will not be right with the wife and the mother in one house, then in this case he and his wife should leave the house and be separate from the mother.He might say: "The mother is not satisfied that I be separate with my wife in another house."We say: And if she is not satisfied, it is said to her: "Either you improve the relationship, or I will leave."
But despite that, let no one think that we prefer the side of the wife in this case. If it is assumed that the wife mistreats the mother, then it is obligatory for the husband to forbid her and discipline her.