Obliging her two brothers to review their lessons and being strict with them
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Fatwa number ( 7513 )
Q: I am a twenty-year-old girl, the sister of two brothers and one sister, and I have a mother. My father passed away two and a half years ago. We live a comfortable life in our home during the holidays, and our financial situation is satisfactory, praise be to Allah. Our relationships are also good. What spoils our life is that my brother
the older one, who is 17 years old, and the younger one, who is 13, cause me and my mother trouble and conflict because they do not write their school assignments or read their lessons unless I pressure and hit them. The older one is now in the sixth grade and the younger one in the fifth, as they are behind in their studies due to failing. I hit them if they do not write their homework and memorize their lessons, so my mother gets angry about it and curses me and them as well. As for my method in this: I tell them, "Whoever writes the homework and memorizes the lesson will be allowed to go out to play until nine in the evening." They rarely do so, and when I hear them recite the Maghrib or Isha' prayer, I find they have not memorized it, so I am forced to hit them on their hands with a wooden board. My mother gets angry and curses me and them, saying, "May Allah not grant you success, you and them." Sometimes they leave school and go to the street without coming home, and they do not come home until eleven o'clock or later. My mother gets angry and tells me, "You will find this in your life." I sit and cry and fear Allah, but when I remember my intention and that it is sincere, and that everything I do is for their sake and out of my fear for them, that eases it. However, my mother's anger and my inability to control them is what upsets me and causes me distress and anxiety. I do not know what to do. Help us, may Allah help you: Should I leave them alone and not interfere in anything that angers them? My mother asks me to treat them with moderation, but I am unable to do so, and encouraging them does not work with them.
The most precious thing to them is to go out to play and go with their friends. So what should I do? I will do what you consider correct, if Allah wills, other than moderation between encouragement and threat, for I am unable to do that. I am now thinking of giving up on them completely and leaving them to my mother, whose method with them I have not known until now, and she is in her sixties, about 55 years old, so I do not know how she will treat them. The important thing is, what should I do now? After I sent my first message, which you did not reply to, I continued to treat them in my way, and my mother is still angry with me and says, "Leave them, for the Guide is Allah." I fear for them and I am torn apart inside when my mother is angry with me, and I am seriously thinking of leaving them. What should I do, by your Lord? Guide us?
A : Obey your mother and be gentle with her, and advise your brothers with what is good. If Allah guides one of them and he responds to the advice, praise be to Allah. If he refuses and persists in his error, his affair is left to Allah, for the hearts of the servants are between two fingers of the fingers of the Most Merciful, and He turns them as He wills. It is not for you to turn hearts from their course. Allah is the One to be sought for help. With this, your conscience is cleared, and you will not be affected by your mother's curse, if Allah wills. And success is from Allah, and may Allah send prayers and blessings upon our Prophet Muhammad, his family, and his Companions.
Q: I am a twenty-year-old girl, the sister of two brothers and one sister, and I have a mother. My father passed away two and a half years ago. We live a comfortable life in our home during the holidays, and our financial situation is satisfactory, praise be to Allah. Our relationships are also good. What spoils our life is that my brother
the older one, who is 17 years old, and the younger one, who is 13, cause me and my mother trouble and conflict because they do not write their school assignments or read their lessons unless I pressure and hit them. The older one is now in the sixth grade and the younger one in the fifth, as they are behind in their studies due to failing. I hit them if they do not write their homework and memorize their lessons, so my mother gets angry about it and curses me and them as well. As for my method in this: I tell them, "Whoever writes the homework and memorizes the lesson will be allowed to go out to play until nine in the evening." They rarely do so, and when I hear them recite the Maghrib or Isha' prayer, I find they have not memorized it, so I am forced to hit them on their hands with a wooden board. My mother gets angry and curses me and them, saying, "May Allah not grant you success, you and them." Sometimes they leave school and go to the street without coming home, and they do not come home until eleven o'clock or later. My mother gets angry and tells me, "You will find this in your life." I sit and cry and fear Allah, but when I remember my intention and that it is sincere, and that everything I do is for their sake and out of my fear for them, that eases it. However, my mother's anger and my inability to control them is what upsets me and causes me distress and anxiety. I do not know what to do. Help us, may Allah help you: Should I leave them alone and not interfere in anything that angers them? My mother asks me to treat them with moderation, but I am unable to do so, and encouraging them does not work with them.
The most precious thing to them is to go out to play and go with their friends. So what should I do? I will do what you consider correct, if Allah wills, other than moderation between encouragement and threat, for I am unable to do that. I am now thinking of giving up on them completely and leaving them to my mother, whose method with them I have not known until now, and she is in her sixties, about 55 years old, so I do not know how she will treat them. The important thing is, what should I do now? After I sent my first message, which you did not reply to, I continued to treat them in my way, and my mother is still angry with me and says, "Leave them, for the Guide is Allah." I fear for them and I am torn apart inside when my mother is angry with me, and I am seriously thinking of leaving them. What should I do, by your Lord? Guide us?
A : Obey your mother and be gentle with her, and advise your brothers with what is good. If Allah guides one of them and he responds to the advice, praise be to Allah. If he refuses and persists in his error, his affair is left to Allah, for the hearts of the servants are between two fingers of the fingers of the Most Merciful, and He turns them as He wills. It is not for you to turn hearts from their course. Allah is the One to be sought for help. With this, your conscience is cleared, and you will not be affected by your mother's curse, if Allah wills. And success is from Allah, and may Allah send prayers and blessings upon our Prophet Muhammad, his family, and his Companions.
Source
www.alifta.gov.sa
The Arabic text is copied verbatim from the original source, without any edits.