If a man agrees with his wife to waive her rights, are they waived?
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Fatwa No. ( 8435 )
Q: I have two wives. With the first, I have spent twenty years, and I have nine children from her: four sons and five daughters. With the second, I have spent three years, and I have only one daughter from her. They are all still under my protection to this day. The last three years have been difficult, then more difficult, and the hardest for my first wife. I have exerted my effort to be just between them, but I am falling short. Due to the many problems, I have come to strongly dislike the first one, to the point that I am not willing to perform some of the marital rights, specifically intercourse. Most of the time, I force myself to do it. Over this long period, out of respect for the years we have spent together and for the children we have, I have found that I cannot bear to remain in this state because of what I am suffering. On 22/2/1405 AH, her brother came while she was sitting there. Following a discussion and a problem, and not with the intention of divorce, I said: "I cannot bear you, and I cannot bear life with you. And you—meaning her brother—consult with your sister about what you want." By which I meant: either I divorce her, or she remains
in my care and lives with her children, but I do not sit with her or live with her, and she has no marital rights other than that she resides, eats, and drinks as part of the maintenance for her children that I provide. As for me, I cannot bear to stay with her. This was the last night—meaning the last night I spent with her. She immediately replied: "I am not leaving my children." I said: "You must be taken out, but I will not stay with you." That is the end of it. What is in my mind when writing this letter, out of respect for the years we have spent together and out of compassion for our children, is that she remain with her children in their separate residence from the second wife's residence, and eat and drink with them, and that I clothe her at least twice a year, and treat her if she falls ill, and take her to her relatives within the city at least twice a month, except in emergency cases. All of this is in the case of ease. As for the opposite, God forbid, if it were just one loaf of bread, we would share it, and I would leave her from that date, except that we are in one house, each apartment separate. What I am asking about is the following: 1. Does what I did conflict with the law of Allah, and is there a sin on me for it? 2. Is what I did better, or will I remain an oppressor or an oppressed person for the rest of my life? 3. Is what I did better, or is divorce better if I decide to stay with her children? 4. Am I obligated to share food, drink, and other things
with her co-wife, who will take care of all my affairs?
A: If the situation is as described and you both agreed on what you mentioned, then it is permissible, and it does not conflict with the rulings of the Shari'ah, nor is it considered a divorce. If you dispute, your reference is the court. And success is from Allah, and may Allah send prayers and blessings upon our Prophet Muhammad, his family, and his Companions.
Q: I have two wives. With the first, I have spent twenty years, and I have nine children from her: four sons and five daughters. With the second, I have spent three years, and I have only one daughter from her. They are all still under my protection to this day. The last three years have been difficult, then more difficult, and the hardest for my first wife. I have exerted my effort to be just between them, but I am falling short. Due to the many problems, I have come to strongly dislike the first one, to the point that I am not willing to perform some of the marital rights, specifically intercourse. Most of the time, I force myself to do it. Over this long period, out of respect for the years we have spent together and for the children we have, I have found that I cannot bear to remain in this state because of what I am suffering. On 22/2/1405 AH, her brother came while she was sitting there. Following a discussion and a problem, and not with the intention of divorce, I said: "I cannot bear you, and I cannot bear life with you. And you—meaning her brother—consult with your sister about what you want." By which I meant: either I divorce her, or she remains
in my care and lives with her children, but I do not sit with her or live with her, and she has no marital rights other than that she resides, eats, and drinks as part of the maintenance for her children that I provide. As for me, I cannot bear to stay with her. This was the last night—meaning the last night I spent with her. She immediately replied: "I am not leaving my children." I said: "You must be taken out, but I will not stay with you." That is the end of it. What is in my mind when writing this letter, out of respect for the years we have spent together and out of compassion for our children, is that she remain with her children in their separate residence from the second wife's residence, and eat and drink with them, and that I clothe her at least twice a year, and treat her if she falls ill, and take her to her relatives within the city at least twice a month, except in emergency cases. All of this is in the case of ease. As for the opposite, God forbid, if it were just one loaf of bread, we would share it, and I would leave her from that date, except that we are in one house, each apartment separate. What I am asking about is the following: 1. Does what I did conflict with the law of Allah, and is there a sin on me for it? 2. Is what I did better, or will I remain an oppressor or an oppressed person for the rest of my life? 3. Is what I did better, or is divorce better if I decide to stay with her children? 4. Am I obligated to share food, drink, and other things
with her co-wife, who will take care of all my affairs?
A: If the situation is as described and you both agreed on what you mentioned, then it is permissible, and it does not conflict with the rulings of the Shari'ah, nor is it considered a divorce. If you dispute, your reference is the court. And success is from Allah, and may Allah send prayers and blessings upon our Prophet Muhammad, his family, and his Companions.
Source
www.alifta.gov.sa
The Arabic text is copied verbatim from the original source, without any edits.