He says in his letter to me: My father had a dispute with me, but he acted in a way that was not right, except that he refused the request he made of me, which was to divorce my wife.
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The questioner : He says in his letter to me: My father had a dispute with me, but he acted in a way that was not right, except that he refused the request he made of me, which was to divorce my wife. He asked me for this because he had a quarrel with his cousin’s daughter, who is my aunt and my relative. For that period, which was ten years, he isolated me from living with him, cut me off, treated me badly, and deprived me of what I had contributed to. I write to him, but he does not reply to me. He says that I also asked some relatives to mediate to reconcile us, but he refused. I am sick, and my illness has increased because of him. I suffer from his cutting me off, I suffer from my illness, and I suffer from being far from my homeland in search of sustenance for my son, my wife, and my daughter. Please advise us on this situation. May Allah reward you with good?
The Shaykh : This question contains two parts. The first part is that he disobeyed his father when he ordered him to divorce his wife. This disobedience must be understood: it may be a sin, or it may not be a sin. If his father ordered him to divorce his wife for a reason he found in her that necessitated separating from her, such as bad character, for example, then it is obligatory for him to obey his father in this matter for two reasons:
The first reason.
The questioner : Yes.
The Shaykh : That a person should not keep such a wife in his care, especially if she cannot be reformed.
And secondly: obedience to the father. Sometimes, the father’s order to divorce his wife is not for a reason that necessitates it according to the Shari'ah, but for personal dislike, a quarrel, or something similar. If divorcing her would cause harm to the son, then the son is not obligated to comply with his father’s request in such a case.
The questioner : Yes.
The Shaykh : Because he is not obligated to obey his father in matters that cause him harm, andSunan Abi Dawud 2625Sahih (Al-Albani) as the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said.
The questioner : O Allah, send blessings and peace upon him.
The Shaykh : As for the second part of the question, which is his attempt to reconcile with his father and his father’s refusal to do so, there is no sin on him for this, as long as he has made the effort to reach a reconciliation and to remove this matter from his father’s heart, but was unable to do so. In that case, the sin lies with the father, because the severing of family ties came from him.
The questioner : Yes.
The Shaykh : It is obligatory for his father in such a situation to reflect on himself, to help in being dutiful to him, and to realize that this is a difficult matter: ordering his son to divorce the wife he loves, from whom he has children, and which causes him harm. Let him imagine himself if his father had ordered him to do so while he loved his wife; what would his position be? And a person should treat others as he would like others to treat him.
The questioner : Yes.
The Shaykh : And he should place people in the position of himself before he burdens them with matters, so that he knows and is truly a believer. For the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) says:Sahih al-Bukhari 13 If we were to imagine ourselves as the ones being treated with what we want to treat others with, and look at whether that would affect us or not, we would attain much good.
The questioner : Yes.
The Shaykh : And we would distance ourselves from selfishness. But unfortunately, most of us do not give this matter its due attention. And success is from Allah.
The questioner : May Allah reward you.
The questioner : It was sent from Jordan, from Tafilah, by the sender Ali ibn Awda al-Awaji.
The Shaykh : This question contains two parts. The first part is that he disobeyed his father when he ordered him to divorce his wife. This disobedience must be understood: it may be a sin, or it may not be a sin. If his father ordered him to divorce his wife for a reason he found in her that necessitated separating from her, such as bad character, for example, then it is obligatory for him to obey his father in this matter for two reasons:
The first reason.
The questioner : Yes.
The Shaykh : That a person should not keep such a wife in his care, especially if she cannot be reformed.
And secondly: obedience to the father. Sometimes, the father’s order to divorce his wife is not for a reason that necessitates it according to the Shari'ah, but for personal dislike, a quarrel, or something similar. If divorcing her would cause harm to the son, then the son is not obligated to comply with his father’s request in such a case.
The questioner : Yes.
The Shaykh : Because he is not obligated to obey his father in matters that cause him harm, and
Obedience is in matters which are good and universally recognized.
إنما الطاعة في المعروفThe questioner : O Allah, send blessings and peace upon him.
The Shaykh : As for the second part of the question, which is his attempt to reconcile with his father and his father’s refusal to do so, there is no sin on him for this, as long as he has made the effort to reach a reconciliation and to remove this matter from his father’s heart, but was unable to do so. In that case, the sin lies with the father, because the severing of family ties came from him.
The questioner : Yes.
The Shaykh : It is obligatory for his father in such a situation to reflect on himself, to help in being dutiful to him, and to realize that this is a difficult matter: ordering his son to divorce the wife he loves, from whom he has children, and which causes him harm. Let him imagine himself if his father had ordered him to do so while he loved his wife; what would his position be? And a person should treat others as he would like others to treat him.
The questioner : Yes.
The Shaykh : And he should place people in the position of himself before he burdens them with matters, so that he knows and is truly a believer. For the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) says:
None of you will have faith till he wishes for his (Muslim) brother what he likes for himself.
لا يؤمن أحدكم حتى يحب لأخيه ما يحب لنفسهThe questioner : Yes.
The Shaykh : And we would distance ourselves from selfishness. But unfortunately, most of us do not give this matter its due attention. And success is from Allah.
The questioner : May Allah reward you.
The questioner : It was sent from Jordan, from Tafilah, by the sender Ali ibn Awda al-Awaji.