Guidance for one who suffers from problems with his mother

Question:
After this, a message reached the program from one of the listening brothers. This entire message—Your Eminence—consists of three pages of small format. It is a complaint about his mother. He says of her: I have a domineering mother, so she constantly creates problems for me and my wife, and even for my other brothers, and for me in particular. Among these is that she prefers my brother's wives because of the salaries they earn, unlike my wife who has no salary. He continues to list issues like this one, O Your Eminence! He asks you for guidance. May Allah reward you with good.

Answer:
We advise you to treat your mother well. We advise you, O brother, to treat your mother well, to pardon what comes from her, to address her in the best manner, and to ask her for forgiveness and pardon for what may have come from you or from your wife. If she prefers some of the wives because of the money they give her, there is no blame on her for repaying kindness with kindness, if they are giving her from their salaries. It is permissible for her to prefer them with some things because of the assistance she receives from them. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said: So if you reward them with kind words or a gift, and you do not give your wife the same, there is no harm, because they were kind to her.
The point is: you must treat your mother with kind words and good conduct, and advise your wife to use kind words and good conduct with your mother. What happened from your mother regarding some preference for the wives—your brothers' wives—has no blame in it, if it is for the reasons mentioned.
In any case, even if your mother errs against you, and even if she curses you, [you should deal with her] with gentleness, kind words, and asking her for pardon and forgiveness for her; because her right is great. The right of the parents is great, and the right of the mother is greater. A man said: O Messenger of Allah! Who is the most deserving of my good company? He said: He said: Then who? He said: He said: Then who? He said: He said: Then who? He said: So the mother has a great status.
So you must strive for her pleasure and treat her in the best manner. Even if she is rude to you, even if she transgresses against you, and even if... you must overlook her faults, pardon her, and always seek her pleasure. And so it is with your wife; she must strive for good treatment of your mother. May Allah improve the condition of everyone.

The presenter: O Allah! Amen. May Allah reward you with good. The reality, Your Eminence! As you mentioned, many complaints reach you from wives regarding their husbands' mothers. Perhaps it is a noble opportunity for you to kindly guide the wives so that they may be a support for the husbands in being dutiful to their mothers?

The Shaykh: Yes, it is obligatory for wives to fear Allah and to strive to improve the situation between the man and his mother, and his father, and not to be a cause of corruption, evil, and undutifulness to parents. It is obligatory for the child to fear Allah regarding his father and mother, to be dutiful to them, and to treat them with kindness and gentleness, even if they are rude to him, even if they hit him; he must strive to please them and ask for their pardon. Allah (Exalted and Majestic is He) said in His noble Book: [Luqman: 14] And He said, Exalted is He: [Luqman: 15] meaning the parents [Luqman: 15].
[He] commanded to treat them with kindness in this world even if they are disbelievers, because of the greatness of their right. He said: But do not obey them in disobedience and associating partners with Allah. No one is to be obeyed in disobedience and associating partners with Allah. But strive in kind expressions and good conduct in apologizing to them, and not listening to or obeying them in disobedience. And this is not permissible for you. And the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) forbade you from obeying anyone in sins. And strive to call them to good and encourage them to good. And so your wife must strive for good treatment of your parents, so that you do not become a cause of her undutifulness to them, or a cause of their transgression against you. You and your wife must care for the right of the parents, strive to honor the parents, and listen to and obey them in what is right, and not be rude to them. And if they err against you, or against the wife; strive to show pardon, forgiveness, and overlooking, and be good to them in character and speech.

The presenter: May Allah reward you with good, and may He do you good.