What is the ruling on a mother asking her son to divorce his wife out of jealousy, and does he have to obey them?
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The questioner : Peace be upon you, and Allah's mercy and blessings.
The Shaykh : And upon you be peace, and Allah's mercy and blessings.
The questioner : His Eminence the Shaykh, many brothers complain that when a mother does not get along with her son's wife, I mean, many brothers complain that the mother may not like her son's wife, while he has attached himself to her and loves her, so she orders him to divorce her. Likewise, it may be the father who does this. So, if he does not obey them, is he considered undutiful to them?
The Shaykh : He asks, saying: Some women have jealousy when their son loves his wife, so she orders him to divorce her, or the father does the same. So, is the son obligated to obey them?
Answer: He is not obligated to obey them, because this concerns a person's private desire. He is not obligated to accept what his parents order him to do regarding separating from his wife, just as if they said: Do not eat this food, do not eat meat, do not eat rice, do not eat such-and-such a thing, which is something he craves. He is not obligated to obey them in that, because there is no benefit for them in it, and it causes harm to him by depriving him of what he loves. So likewise here, if they say: Divorce your wife, he is not obligated to divorce her except for a known legal reason that the husband acknowledges. In that case, he is obligated to do so, not because of their order; he is obligated even if they had not ordered him to do so.
Perhaps they bring up to us the story of 'Abd Allah ibn 'Umar with 'Umar (may Allah be pleased with him), where 'Umar ordered his son 'Abd Allah to divorce his wife, so the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) ordered 'Abd Allah to divorce her?
And the answer to this is: This objection was raised to Imam Ahmad ibn Hanbal (may Allah have mercy on him), the famous Imam. A questioner asked him, saying: "My father orders me to divorce my wife?" He said to him: Do not divorce her. So the questioner raised the hadith of 'Umar to him, and Imam Ahmad gave a sound answer, saying: "Is your father 'Umar?" Meaning, is your father like 'Umar, who does not order anything except what is absolutely necessary?
And the answer is yes or no?
The questioner : No.
The Shaykh : No. And if the answer is no, then the analogy is not valid. The parents should fear Allah (Mighty and Majestic) and not separate a man from his wife, so that they become like the sorcerers who learn from the jinn what they use to separate a man from his wife.
But in such a situation, if the son sees that things will not go well if they are in the same house, meaning: the wife may be troubled by the mother in the same house, then in this situation, he and his wife should leave the house and be separate from the mother.
He may say: The mother is not satisfied with him being separate with his wife in another house. We say: Even if she is not satisfied, it is said to her: Either you improve your conduct, or I will leave. This is not possible, but with that, one should not assume that we prefer the side of the wife in this situation. Meaning: if it is assumed that the wife mistreats the mother, then it is obligatory for the husband to forbid her and to discipline her.
The Shaykh : And upon you be peace, and Allah's mercy and blessings.
The questioner : His Eminence the Shaykh, many brothers complain that when a mother does not get along with her son's wife, I mean, many brothers complain that the mother may not like her son's wife, while he has attached himself to her and loves her, so she orders him to divorce her. Likewise, it may be the father who does this. So, if he does not obey them, is he considered undutiful to them?
The Shaykh : He asks, saying: Some women have jealousy when their son loves his wife, so she orders him to divorce her, or the father does the same. So, is the son obligated to obey them?
Answer: He is not obligated to obey them, because this concerns a person's private desire. He is not obligated to accept what his parents order him to do regarding separating from his wife, just as if they said: Do not eat this food, do not eat meat, do not eat rice, do not eat such-and-such a thing, which is something he craves. He is not obligated to obey them in that, because there is no benefit for them in it, and it causes harm to him by depriving him of what he loves. So likewise here, if they say: Divorce your wife, he is not obligated to divorce her except for a known legal reason that the husband acknowledges. In that case, he is obligated to do so, not because of their order; he is obligated even if they had not ordered him to do so.
Perhaps they bring up to us the story of 'Abd Allah ibn 'Umar with 'Umar (may Allah be pleased with him), where 'Umar ordered his son 'Abd Allah to divorce his wife, so the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) ordered 'Abd Allah to divorce her?
And the answer to this is: This objection was raised to Imam Ahmad ibn Hanbal (may Allah have mercy on him), the famous Imam. A questioner asked him, saying: "My father orders me to divorce my wife?" He said to him: Do not divorce her. So the questioner raised the hadith of 'Umar to him, and Imam Ahmad gave a sound answer, saying: "Is your father 'Umar?" Meaning, is your father like 'Umar, who does not order anything except what is absolutely necessary?
And the answer is yes or no?
The questioner : No.
The Shaykh : No. And if the answer is no, then the analogy is not valid. The parents should fear Allah (Mighty and Majestic) and not separate a man from his wife, so that they become like the sorcerers who learn from the jinn what they use to separate a man from his wife.
But in such a situation, if the son sees that things will not go well if they are in the same house, meaning: the wife may be troubled by the mother in the same house, then in this situation, he and his wife should leave the house and be separate from the mother.
He may say: The mother is not satisfied with him being separate with his wife in another house. We say: Even if she is not satisfied, it is said to her: Either you improve your conduct, or I will leave. This is not possible, but with that, one should not assume that we prefer the side of the wife in this situation. Meaning: if it is assumed that the wife mistreats the mother, then it is obligatory for the husband to forbid her and to discipline her.