The Harms of Exorbitant Mahr and Rejecting a Suitable Suitor
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Q
It is not hidden from you the saying of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) in the authentic hadith: (If one comes to you whom you are pleased with in terms of his religion and character, then marry your daughter to him. If you do not, there will be a fitnah (trial, discord or temptation) on earth and great corruption -And in a wording: and widespread corruption.) And in this time, we hear that when a righteous, suitable man proposes for marriage to some people, they reject him for no reason other than that he does not agree to certain conditions, such as: a high mahr (the bridal gift), the presence of a television, and other conditions that may be forbidden conditions. Some reject him on the pretext that he is already married. What is your opinion of one who contradicts the substance of this hadith? Even if he did not contradict it with the words of his speech, he contradicted it with the language of his actions. And to one who is pleased with the religion and character of the suitor, know that some people have a righteous daughter, yet they may marry her to one who does not pray or to an open sinner. What is your advice and guidance for such people? And may Allah reward you with good?
The advice to these people has come from us and from others on many occasions: and that which a person should do is to make his greatest concern the religion and character of the suitor, for this is where the blessing lies. Just as he looks at the religion and character of the suitor, he also looks at the religion of the woman, due to the saying of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him): (A woman is married for four things: for her wealth, her lineage, her beauty, and her religion. So, seize the one with religion) And the fact that people nowadays do not marry except with very high, exorbitant mahrs,This is a danger to the Ummah (the Muslim community) from several aspects: The first aspect: It removes the blessing from marriage; because (The greatest marriage in blessing is the one with the least expense) .
The second aspect: That people turn away from marrying the daughters of the town, and go to marry from outside the town, as is the current reality; because outside the town they marry for cheap for reasons not intended to be mentioned here. It is known that if a person marries from outside the town - and I do not mean by "town" his specific town, I mean outside the Kingdom - it leads to many problems;Because marriage entails many rulings: regarding lineage, inheritance, maintaining family ties, and so on. This generates problems in the future. For this reason, many people who married from outside regret what they did, but when? After the time has passed, and children and offspring have been born.
The third reason: That if marriage from the daughters of the town decreases, the woman, like the man, needs marriage, and this becomes a cause for zina (unlawful sexual intercourse) and lewdness, may Allah protect us.
The fourth angle: That this one brought from outside may have customs, morals, and a religion that corrupt the husband and his children, though among them are those with goodness and righteousness, without doubt.
For this reason, we forbid exaggeration in mahrs,And we say: (The greatest marriage in blessing is the one with the least expense) .
The fifth aspect: If the wali (the bride's guardian) of a woman rejects one who is suitable for her in character and religion, and no better suitor has proposed; he is deceiving her and betraying his trust, because the one in authority, who is Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him), who has general authority over his Ummah (the Muslim community) through guidance and direction, says: (Marry them.
) And this contradicts.
And as for if he chooses for his ward, whether a daughter, sister, or other, one who does not pray, this -may Allah protect us- is a great error; because one who does not pray is not permissible to marry, no matter how good his character, no matter how much his wealth, no matter how much his beauty, it is not permissible to marry him at all. Rather, if he has a wife, the marriage must be annulled if he abandons prayer; because if he abandons prayer, he is a disbeliever who has committed apostasy from the religion of Allah,And Allah the Exalted said: [Al-Mumtahanah:10] Likewise, if a person chooses for his ward an open sinner with bad character, he is deceiving her. And how many women complain about this issue; they are married to those who are not suitable, and evil, affliction, and misery result. So we ask Allah to guide everyone.
The issue of plural marriage: If the daughter does not choose this, it is known that the matter is up to her. And as for if she is pleased with a man who has a previous wife, it is not permissible for her wali (the bride's guardian) to prevent her.Rather, the scholars said: If the father prevents his daughter from a suitable suitor and this repeats from him, he becomes an open sinner, and his guardianship is not suitable for him, and the guardianship is taken from him and given to the one after him.
It is not hidden from you the saying of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) in the authentic hadith: (If one comes to you whom you are pleased with in terms of his religion and character, then marry your daughter to him. If you do not, there will be a fitnah (trial, discord or temptation) on earth and great corruption -And in a wording: and widespread corruption.) And in this time, we hear that when a righteous, suitable man proposes for marriage to some people, they reject him for no reason other than that he does not agree to certain conditions, such as: a high mahr (the bridal gift), the presence of a television, and other conditions that may be forbidden conditions. Some reject him on the pretext that he is already married. What is your opinion of one who contradicts the substance of this hadith? Even if he did not contradict it with the words of his speech, he contradicted it with the language of his actions. And to one who is pleased with the religion and character of the suitor, know that some people have a righteous daughter, yet they may marry her to one who does not pray or to an open sinner. What is your advice and guidance for such people? And may Allah reward you with good?
The advice to these people has come from us and from others on many occasions: and that which a person should do is to make his greatest concern the religion and character of the suitor, for this is where the blessing lies. Just as he looks at the religion and character of the suitor, he also looks at the religion of the woman, due to the saying of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him): (A woman is married for four things: for her wealth, her lineage, her beauty, and her religion. So, seize the one with religion) And the fact that people nowadays do not marry except with very high, exorbitant mahrs,This is a danger to the Ummah (the Muslim community) from several aspects: The first aspect: It removes the blessing from marriage; because (The greatest marriage in blessing is the one with the least expense) .
The second aspect: That people turn away from marrying the daughters of the town, and go to marry from outside the town, as is the current reality; because outside the town they marry for cheap for reasons not intended to be mentioned here. It is known that if a person marries from outside the town - and I do not mean by "town" his specific town, I mean outside the Kingdom - it leads to many problems;Because marriage entails many rulings: regarding lineage, inheritance, maintaining family ties, and so on. This generates problems in the future. For this reason, many people who married from outside regret what they did, but when? After the time has passed, and children and offspring have been born.
The third reason: That if marriage from the daughters of the town decreases, the woman, like the man, needs marriage, and this becomes a cause for zina (unlawful sexual intercourse) and lewdness, may Allah protect us.
The fourth angle: That this one brought from outside may have customs, morals, and a religion that corrupt the husband and his children, though among them are those with goodness and righteousness, without doubt.
For this reason, we forbid exaggeration in mahrs,And we say: (The greatest marriage in blessing is the one with the least expense) .
The fifth aspect: If the wali (the bride's guardian) of a woman rejects one who is suitable for her in character and religion, and no better suitor has proposed; he is deceiving her and betraying his trust, because the one in authority, who is Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him), who has general authority over his Ummah (the Muslim community) through guidance and direction, says: (Marry them.
) And this contradicts.
And as for if he chooses for his ward, whether a daughter, sister, or other, one who does not pray, this -may Allah protect us- is a great error; because one who does not pray is not permissible to marry, no matter how good his character, no matter how much his wealth, no matter how much his beauty, it is not permissible to marry him at all. Rather, if he has a wife, the marriage must be annulled if he abandons prayer; because if he abandons prayer, he is a disbeliever who has committed apostasy from the religion of Allah,And Allah the Exalted said:
then do not return them to the disbelievers; they are not lawful [wives] for them, nor are they lawful [husbands] for them
فَلا تَرْجِعُوهُنَّ إِلَى الْكُفَّارِ لا هُنَّ حِلٌّ لَهُمْ وَلا هُمْ يَحِلُّونَ لَهُنَّThe issue of plural marriage: If the daughter does not choose this, it is known that the matter is up to her. And as for if she is pleased with a man who has a previous wife, it is not permissible for her wali (the bride's guardian) to prevent her.Rather, the scholars said: If the father prevents his daughter from a suitable suitor and this repeats from him, he becomes an open sinner, and his guardianship is not suitable for him, and the guardianship is taken from him and given to the one after him.