What is your advice to people regarding marriage, given what is happening in this time of rejecting a suitable suitor because he does not meet the conditions, such as the highness of the mahr or the presence of a television, or
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The questioner : May Allah bless you and forgive you: It is not hidden from you the saying of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) in the authentic hadith: "If there comes to you a man whose religion you are pleased with."
The Shaykh : If, if there comes to you.
The questioner : If there comes to you, may Allah bless youJami` at-Tirmidhi 1084Da'if (Darussalam) and in another wording: And in this time, we hear that a righteous, suitable man, when he proposes for marriage to some people, is rejected for nothing other than that he does not agree to some conditions, such as: the highness of the mahr, the presence of a television, and other conditions that may be forbidden conditions. And some reject him on the pretext that he is married. So what is your opinion of one who contradicts the substance of this hadith? Even if he did not contradict it with the tongue of his speech, he contradicted it with the tongue of his state, and to one whose religion and character are pleasing. Knowing that some people have a righteous daughter, so they may marry her to one who does not pray or to an open sinner. So what is your advice and guidance for such people, and may Allah reward you with good?
The Shaykh : The advice to these people has come from us and from others on many occasions: and that is that what a person should do is make his greatest concern the religion and character of the suitor, for this is where the blessing lies. Just as he looks at the religion and character of the suitor, so also he looks at the religion of the woman, due to the saying of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him and his family):Sahih al-Bukhari 5090 And the fact that people now do not marry except with very high, elevated mahr, this is a danger to the community from several aspects: The first aspect: removing the blessing from the marriage, because Mishkat al-Masabih 3097 .
The second matter: that people turn away from marrying the daughters of the country, and they go to marriage from outside the country, as is the reality now, because outside the country they marry for cheap for reasons that are not the place to mention here. And it is known that if a person marries from outside the country—and I do not mean by "country" his specific town, but rather outside the Kingdom—many problems result from it, because marriage entails many rulings: lineage, inheritance, maintaining family ties, and so on. And this generates problems in the future. For this reason, many people who married from outside have regretted what they did, but when? After the time had passed, and the children and offspring had come.
Thirdly: if marriage from the daughters of the country decreases, the woman, like the man, needs marriage, and this becomes a cause for unlawful sexual intercourse and lewdness, may Allah protect us.
Fourthly: the one brought from outside may have customs, morals, and a religion that corrupt the husband and his children, and among them are those in whom there is goodness and righteousness, without doubt.
For this reason, we forbid exaggeration in mahr, and we say:Mishkat al-Masabih 3097 .
Also: if the wali of the woman rejects one who is suitable for her in character and religion, and no better suitor has proposed, he is deceiving her and betraying his trust, because the one in authority, who is Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him), who has the general guardianship over his community through guidance and direction, says: "Marry them," and this contradicts that.
As for if he chooses for his ward, whether a daughter, sister, or other, if he chooses for her one who does not pray, this—may Allah protect us—is a great error, because the one who does not pray is not permissible to be married, no matter how good his character, no matter how much his wealth, no matter how handsome he is, it is not permissible to marry him at all. Rather, if he has a wife, the marriage must be annulled if he abandons prayer, because if he abandons prayer, he is a disbeliever who has apostatized from the religion of Allah. And Allah the Exalted said:[Al-Mumtahanah 60:10] Likewise, if a person chooses for his ward an open sinner with bad character, he is deceiving her. And how many are the women who complain of this issue; they are married to men who are not suitable, and evil, affliction, and misery result. So we ask Allah to guide everyone.
The questioner : ...
The Shaykh : The issue of plural marriage: if the daughter does not choose this, it is known that the matter is up to her. But if she is pleased with a man who has a previous wife, it is not permissible for her wali to prevent her. Rather, the scholars said: if the father prevents his daughter from a suitable suitor and this repeats from him, he becomes an open sinner whose guardianship is not valid, and the guardianship is taken from him and given to the one after him.
The Shaykh : If, if there comes to you.
The questioner : If there comes to you, may Allah bless you
When someone whose religion and character you are pleased with proposes to (someone under the care) of one of you, then marry to him. If you do not do so, then there will be turmoil (Fitnah) in the land and abounding discord (Fasad).
إذا أتاكم من ترضون دينه وخلقه فزوجوه، إلا تفعلوا تكن فتنة في الأرض وفساد كبيرand great corruption
وفساد عريضThe Shaykh : The advice to these people has come from us and from others on many occasions: and that is that what a person should do is make his greatest concern the religion and character of the suitor, for this is where the blessing lies. Just as he looks at the religion and character of the suitor, so also he looks at the religion of the woman, due to the saying of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him and his family):
A woman is married for four things, i.e., her wealth, her family status, her beauty and her religion. So you should marry the religious woman
تنكح المرأة لأربع: لمالها وحسبها وجمالها ودينها، فاظفر بذات الدينThe marriage which produces most blessing is that which involves least burden
أعظم النكاح بركة أيسره مئونةThe second matter: that people turn away from marrying the daughters of the country, and they go to marriage from outside the country, as is the reality now, because outside the country they marry for cheap for reasons that are not the place to mention here. And it is known that if a person marries from outside the country—and I do not mean by "country" his specific town, but rather outside the Kingdom—many problems result from it, because marriage entails many rulings: lineage, inheritance, maintaining family ties, and so on. And this generates problems in the future. For this reason, many people who married from outside have regretted what they did, but when? After the time had passed, and the children and offspring had come.
Thirdly: if marriage from the daughters of the country decreases, the woman, like the man, needs marriage, and this becomes a cause for unlawful sexual intercourse and lewdness, may Allah protect us.
Fourthly: the one brought from outside may have customs, morals, and a religion that corrupt the husband and his children, and among them are those in whom there is goodness and righteousness, without doubt.
For this reason, we forbid exaggeration in mahr, and we say:
The marriage which produces most blessing is that which involves least burden
أعظم النكاح بركة أيسره مئونةAlso: if the wali of the woman rejects one who is suitable for her in character and religion, and no better suitor has proposed, he is deceiving her and betraying his trust, because the one in authority, who is Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him), who has the general guardianship over his community through guidance and direction, says: "Marry them," and this contradicts that.
As for if he chooses for his ward, whether a daughter, sister, or other, if he chooses for her one who does not pray, this—may Allah protect us—is a great error, because the one who does not pray is not permissible to be married, no matter how good his character, no matter how much his wealth, no matter how handsome he is, it is not permissible to marry him at all. Rather, if he has a wife, the marriage must be annulled if he abandons prayer, because if he abandons prayer, he is a disbeliever who has apostatized from the religion of Allah. And Allah the Exalted said:
do not return them to the disbelievers; they are not lawful [wives] for them, nor are they lawful [husbands] for them
لا تَرْجِعُوهُنَّ إِلَى الْكُفَّارِ لا هُنَّ حِلٌّ لَهُمْ وَلا هُمْ يَحِلُّونَ لَهُنَّThe questioner : ...
The Shaykh : The issue of plural marriage: if the daughter does not choose this, it is known that the matter is up to her. But if she is pleased with a man who has a previous wife, it is not permissible for her wali to prevent her. Rather, the scholars said: if the father prevents his daughter from a suitable suitor and this repeats from him, he becomes an open sinner whose guardianship is not valid, and the guardianship is taken from him and given to the one after him.